The Trapped

48

48

- S U T T E R -

11.18.16 // 4:15 p.m.

Blaire is standing in the field, right by the park bench where we had our first date. She has on a knee-length sunflower dress and she twirls around in a circle as a smile flashes across her face.

Her curly hair falls down her slender shoulders, dark chestnut brown again tan-kissed skin. She looked lovely, absolutely breath-taking.

     "Sutter," she says, her voice sounding like soft silk in my ears. "Sutter, honey." I try to talk, but no words come out of my mouth. "Sutter, wake up."

Someone is tapping my shoulder and when I turn around, Blaire is standing there with blood-soaked hair and tears running down her face. A grotesque mask of sadness and pain flashes across her now pale skin. My heartbeat picks up and I reach out to touch her, but my hand goes right through, as if she is a ghost.

     "Sutter, wake up," she whispers, her voice no longer sounding like silk, but like nails scraping against a chalkboard. "Wake up!"

My eyes snap open, the voice of Blaire fading away and being replaced by my mom's. My hair is sticking to my forehead as my mom brushes her fingertips against my arm.

"I've been trying to wake you up for ten minutes, Sutter," she says and I let out a shaky breath as I run a hand through my hair. "Bad dream?"

"Worst than that," I shrug, "I would rather not talk about." She nods her head and glances unceremoniously around my dark room, the soft glow of afternoon light barely reaching my window.

"There is something I need to talk to you about. It's very serious, Sutter," she whispers and I lean up on my elbows and eye her warily.

"Did something happen?" I ask. Her eyes darken and she slumps her shoulders.

"How well did you know Sarah Longthorn?" She questions and I raise my eyebrows and shrug.

"Not very well, she showed up to Blaire's fake funeral." She gives me a quizzical look. "I mean, Blaire's funeral. And she was at the search party, but other than that, we never really talked." My mom nods her head and glances down at her hands. It's then that I notice an envelope resting in her lap. "What is that?"

"Sutter, Sarah Longthorn passed away a few days ago," she breaths and my heart drops. "Suicide."

"What?" I shake my head, finding it hard to believe. My mom picks up the envelope with her nimble fingers and places it in front of me.

"The police dropped by this morning. This letter, it's for you. It was found in Sarah's room the day she... you know." I pick up the letter and turn it over in my hands. "I'll leave you alone. Tell me if you need anything." And with that, my mom stands up, brushes off her shirt, gives me a sad smile, then walks out of the door.

When nothing but silences surrounds me, I open the note carefully. It is very long and the writing looks as if she was rushing when she wrote this. Maybe she did it right before... I shiver.

My eyes skim across the paper, my heart thudding heavily in my chest.

Dear Sutter,

You're probably wondering why, out of all people, I would write a suicide letter to you. Much like Blaire, you never knew I existed. I was always in your shadow, never existing in your life, just breathing.

I'll make this as short as possible just because 1) I never really liked you and 2) I don't have much to say, but you deserve an explanation. I want the letter from the crazy, suicidal dead girl to haunt you at night. Do you want to know a secret, Sutter?

I knew where Blaire was. This whole time. At the search parties, at the funeral, every single moment. You see, there was beauty in knowing everything. But, there was also an ugliness in having to carry around such a big secret.

I was in love with Blaire too, just like you. Except, my love was different. Most people wouldn't even call it love, they would call it an obsession. I had two sides when it came to Blaire: one was wanting to love her, wanting her to be mine and the other was wanting her to suffer, just like I did.

So, do you feel bad that you never noticed me? Do you feel bad that all this time, the answers to your girlfriend's whereabouts were right on the edge of your fingertips, but you were just too blind and stupid that you couldn't grasp it.

Now, my secrets are buried six feet under with me and you will never find out the truth. You will never find Blaire.

- Sarah Longthorn

I rip the letter in half and throw the remaining pieces on the floor. My knuckles begin to turn white as I clench them, feeling the heated blood rush to my face.

Idiot. Idiot. Idiot.

I get up from my bed, grab one of my boots that sat discarded on the floor and chuck it at the wall. It makes a loud thud before falling to the floor. My eyes begin to water.

How could I be so stupid?

I tug on my hair as heavy breaths pass through my lips. I groan in frustration as I rip my bedsheets off of my bed and throw it on the floor.

She knew where Blaire was.

Tears stream, hot and heavy, down my face. I don't know if I am more mad at myself for not knowing or more mad at Sarah for not telling me. Why wouldn't she tell me?

She didn't like you!

Anger is boiling up like a pot of hot water on the stove. I can't control myself anymore. My body feels numb, my eyes drowsy as I raise a fist and punch a hole straight through my wall.

Sutter, it's time to give up.

________________

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-jayymckenziee