I have a husband that gets mad at me for all the little things that come with depression. My forgetfulness. Lord, he has the biggest fits when I tell him I forgot. I don't know if hearing is a symptom, but it feels like I am losing my hearing. I don't know. Does anyone feel like this? Or is it just me. Am I alone in this battle that rages within me. My husband loves me very much, I know this. In turn, I love him very much, with all my heart. But if I had to pick the smarter of the two of us, I'd have to pick me. So when I feel like I'm losing it, it scares me because I am suppose to be the strong one. The one who takes care of everything, the one with the mouth. Which is funny because when it doesn't suit my husband, he'll tell me I have a big mouth. But if there's a problem with something or someone, he wants me to do the talking. It's so double standard.
Depression also affects the sex drive. After having three children, the sex drive was already low, not non existence, but low. That's not saying we don't have a lot of sex, because we do, it's just, sometimes I am not in the mood but I go ahead because I am his wife. Once started though, I get into it so it's all good.
I take my medicine at night because if I take it in the morning, by one o'clock, I feel like I took a sleeping pill. My eyelids will not stay open. Taking it at night reduces that feeling, not take it away completely. I wish they made a super pill that gave me all kinds of energy. I know my metabolic system has shut down. I can feel it. It's hit rock bottom.
I feel despair all the time, like inevitably things will go wrong. Once in a while though, something hits me for just a moment when I feel God's love and the warmth of knowing everything will work out. Unfortunately, that feeling is usually short lived.
I feel like I am climbing the walls. My fuse is short and anything sets it off. I am losing it. I haven't walked for a couple of days so getting out for my exercise has been tough. As much as I hate it and not have the strength for it, I feel lost when I don't do it.
Does anyone feel the same? Am I expressing myself right? Do I sound normal or do I sound insane? Someone please talk to me.
