garbage time | rants and things

for kari

this is for arroyosqueen !!

thank you, angel, for writing that imagine for me! i loved it a whole lot and i lowkey teared up over it but um anyway

i hope you enjoy this!!

**

Oh, goddammit.

I internally groan as I watch my third baseman let a soft groundball go past him and the batter safely makes it to first. I run my hands through my hair and my eyes follow Christian as he walks back over to third to take his position again after he stares over at first, presumably trying to process that he just did that once again.

I love my boyfriend more than anything, and over the years, I've learned to read someone who's unreadable by many people. I can tell that something's bothering him. It just... Isn't like him to be playing the way he has been. My heart feels heavy knowing that something's bothering him and affecting his game, and I know that I need to talk to him about it.

I sit quietly in the stands for the remainder of the game, watching the Giants do their thing, but they, unfortunately, take another loss against the Rockies. I talk to a few of the WAGs for a few minutes before I exit our section and AT&T and I file out to the parking lot, waiting by Christian's car. I see him walk through a set of gates about ten minutes later. Judging by how quick he's out here, he definitely denied talking to any of the reporters. My face lights up once I see him and part of the reasoning is so I could lighten the mood.

"Hey, Christan." I smile at him and he shoots a small smile back to me before quickly pecking me on the lips.

"Hey, babe." He sounds tired and frustrated, and as I said earlier, my heart's heavy knowing this. I just want to try and figure him out.

We both get into his car and the ride is painfully quiet. The silence is completely killing me and I just don't know what to say so I turn up the radio slightly so instead of pure silence, we'll have Panic! at the Disco. That's an upgrade, right?

He pulls up to his apartment building and we make our way up flights of stairs because that dumb elevator is still broken down and we're not exactly sure if anyone's making any plans to fix the elevator, so I'm getting used to the flights of stairs.

His apartment is cold, as usual, and he walks over to his fridge and pulls out a beer bottle. He glances over at me. "Do you want one?" I shake my head, taking a seat on his sofa, and he shuts the fridge. He takes the spot next to me and I rest my head on his shoulder, and we're back to the uncomfortable silence. Great.

Ten minutes pass before I get the courage to say anything.

"Hey, Christian?" I ask after he takes a swig from his beer. My voice is quiet, quieter than usual.

"Hmm?"

"Can I ask you something?"

"Of course, Kari."

"Is..." I pause for a second, "Is everything okay?"

"What do you mean? I'm fine."

"You've been acting differently recently, and maybe I'm just crazy, but-"

He cuts me off. "-Alright, fine. I've actually felt like shit for the past three weeks."

"Babe, talk to me." I sit up on the couch a little bit so I can face him better.

"It's just... I constantly feel like I need to be perfect. For everybody. For Bochy, for the rest of the team, the fans, for you... But I can't fucking do it, I can't be perfect, and I'm disappointing everybody." He takes a deep breath and put his fingers to his temple.

"First of all, Christian, no one can be perfect. Buster is a damn good baseball player, are you going to tell me that he never fucks up? Not even once? And I love you because you're not perfect. 'Perfect' people don't exist, Christian. You have your flaws, it's what makes you human."

"I'm just so goddamn stressed out right now with the pressure of me trying to 'fix' the team, that I'm just harming them at this point," he tells me and my heart sinks.

"Christian," I start off, "One player cannot carry a team. Nobody is expecting you to single-handedly bring the Giants to the World Series again, okay? The team as a whole is responsible for fixing itself, not just you. And for the love of God, you're not harming the team. Quit."

He doesn't respond to that, but he looks at me with his soft eyes. "How on Earth did I get so lucky?"

"I ask myself the same thing everyday."

He chuckles and I catch myself smiling. That's the Christian I know.

"I love you beyond words, Kari."

"And I love you more."

"Hmm... Sounds like a lie, but whatever."

"Oh, Shut up."

**

ahh i tried

once again, thank you so much for writing the imagine for me. i hope you liked this!!