Collection of One Shot's

Coming out of the dark ages.

Luckily when he met the doctor in the gay bar he had made enough friends to pull him away before he could use the switch blade that he kept on himself for protection. He explained that he had been so angry in that moment that prison for murder had seemed worth it just to cause that man the same amount of pain that he had been subjected to.

After that I was so proud of Bobby that I knew I wanted him in my life somehow, we became fast friends and met up in the bar at least twice a week. Overtime our feelings developed and eventually we decided to be together as a couple, although it would be hard to do I felt we both deserved to be happy.

We continued to meet in secret and only really met up at night, I felt like I was participating in some sordid affair and not meeting up with the man that I loved. Luckily I lived alone in a quiet neighbourhood so Bobby was able to come and go unseen most of the time and when a neighbour did spot him we pretended we were going to play poker and have a few drinks. It was a pathetic existence but it was better than being separated from one another and so we took it, lived with it and learned to accept it.

Towards the one year mark in our relationship Bobby began to change, he seemed to be more reserved and somewhat depressed and I was worried sick about him. I thought he might be getting tired of me but when I asked him he assured me that wasn’t the case and that he was just having troubles at home again. When I asked him to go on he shrugged it off and told me it was nothing he couldn’t deal with.

He didn’t get any better though he only got worse, he lost weight and he began to withdraw from me for days at a time. One day we when we were making love which was very rare recently I noticed purple welts all over his body and I froze midway through the act. I pulled away and questioned him about the marks on his body and without uttering a single word he broke down in front of me, crying with such intensity that his body trembled.

I panicked and I pulled him into my arms and allowed him a few moments to let it all out, but after ten minutes and he hadn’t calmed down any I kissed him to try and stop his tears. He eventually calmed down enough to tell me that his mother had found out about our relationship and she threatened to either tell his father who would come and kill me or report us to the police unless he agreed to end it and marry a woman she had found for him.

I pulled away from him in shock. I don’t know why but I had been ridiculously naïve when it had come to Bobby and I. I always expected us to be in love and be together forever, even if that was in secret I was prepared to do anything to be with him but now this had become real. I was either going to have to stand up for my man, for my life and beliefs or watch him walk away from me and marry some woman.

I couldn’t help the tears that flew easily from my eyes. It was as if the dam that had kept them inside since I was fourteen had broken and finally allowed them to spill free. It was his turn to comfort me now and as he kept whispering my name and kissing me tenderly on the temple I leant back into his arms and we cried together.

I knew he wouldn’t allow his father to hurt me and I also knew he would allow me to go to prison so there was only one eventuality for this problem and that was for him to leave me. That didn’t stop me begging him not to do it though, I told him we could run away together, that two years in prison was worth it to be with him in the end but he quickly brought me back down to reality. He told me people like us don’t come back out of prison and if we do were not the same after the treatment we receive, he also reminded me that his father was a doctor and would either have me ‘taken care of’ or him locked up in a mental institute for the rest of his life.

So either way they would win. How could I just sit back and watch the man that I love walk away from me and marry someone else, when I know that he will be miserable for the rest of his life? How could he want to, surely our love was worth fighting to the death for?

Never the less the next day I stood motionless as he kissed me his goodbyes and walked away from me for the last time as my boyfriend and lover. When he left I remember collapsing where I had been stood and I stayed where I had fallen for over four hours crying away my pain. I was a mess and I didn’t start to pick myself and move on for at least another six weeks, I kept telling myself I didn’t want to hide anymore and that it was probably for the best but I didn’t believe any of it.

I needed him and I wanted him back but as with all lost loves eventually it becomes easier to bear, and although I wouldn’t ever forget him I began to go through the motions of life again. Ten weeks to the day I received a visit from Bobby, he looked slightly better he had put on some weight again but I could see that his eyes looked vacant. He looked as though his very soul had left him the day that he had walked away from me, being married had killed whatever was left inside of him.

He apologised for everything that he had done to me and I soothed him letting him know that I understood his choices, that life was too precarious for people like us. I told him that in another time and place I believed we could have made it together, I also believed that his parents could spend five lifetimes together and never share as much love and Bobby and I shared.

I told him I would always love him, that it would never go away and that I knew he never meant to hurt me. This only made him break down more but I didn’t regret it, and when he asked if he could visit me sometimes I told him that I loved him but I couldn’t be with him like that. I couldn’t be used he either had to fight for us or walk away completely because I wasn’t sure I could survive when I couldn’t have him completely.

I wish that I could change what happened between us but like I said earlier nothing changed for people like us for several more years. I met another man who I grew to love and who I am still with now, we have been together for over twenty years but although I love him it would never be as potent as the love I hold for Bobby.

It doesn’t have a happy ending for Bobby, around five years after he left me that day I heard around the village that he couldn’t cope with his life. He had kept away from me as promised but his life had thrown him into a bottomless pit of depression and he had taken his own life in the summer of 1975. He was twenty six years old and instead of running away from it all in life he decided to do it by running to the next life.

When I found out about him I visited his grave with my now husband Alfie and I shamelessly broke down shouting out my apologies for everyone to hear. I felt like I had lost myself when he left and it was Alfie that had brought me out of the dark and helped me get through my loss. He was so kind to me despite the situation, when I had explained to him my story he understood my hurt and has been an immense support ever since.

I wish that Bobby had the chance to see the world as it is now it’s not perfect it never will be, but for him to see the fact that we can marry now and live in freedom I think he would have loved that. I wonder if he misses me as much as I miss him? I never could stop thinking about him – ever.

I think when he left me that day he took a little part of me with him and that part is dead in me now, I have spent a long time since trying to bring it back to life but without him it’s impossible. I can only be thankful that times have changed the way we are treated and I can only hope that wherever he is Bobby is living in happiness now.

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Slightly depressing one but I hope you still enjoy it :0)

Based on the lyrics to 1963 by New Order. I am not sure I need to tell you who chose it :P