Dear, No One

another level

"You have given me life and I just want you to know, That you're the reason I'm here today, I will never let go. To everything that we share and nothing can compare." - Ashanti

I was laying in my bed watching tv when my phone began to ring.

"she's throwing up blood! get over here and help! please hurry ct, we need you."

those exact words stopped my heart, and my body completely froze up.

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the doctor walked in, and shook his head "its stage four cancer, and I'm sorry to inform you but, we're too late.."

everyone in the room dropped there heads to their hands and sobbed. I stood up and looked around "why are you guys crying? y'all not the ones who have a fucked up disease destroying the inside of y'all bodies. I think its bout time we did something for her, but yall gone sit here and cry? fuck that. after all the good she put in our life's, we gone sit here and mourn like she already died? Nah. I refuse to let her sit and observe everyone cry." I looked around, trying to blink the tears away because deep down, I was dying. I looked at her "don't put a label on your life. don't consider yourself already dead, because your not. your breathing, and I give all credit to the man above. I have faith that God will work a miracle. I know he will. how do I know? because the day I met you was the day I wanted to end my life. I made arrangements to kill myself, then I met you. you made everything better. from your warm embrace to your gentle touch, you made me happy. You were my mom, when my real mom wasn't. you gave me everything I needed, and more. I ain't giving up on you ms. Yolanda, I REFUSE to give up on you. I love you mom. on some real shit."

she looked at me and gave me the most warm and gentle smile ever, as tears ran down her face "mijo.. you, Aujanee,  and Markel are my life. and if I do so happen to leave this earth, whether it be tomorrow, tonight or next year I will never leave you. I'll always just be a prayer away."

I hugged her, but I had to leave the room because blinking the tears away wasn't working anymore. how hippocritical would It be for me to give that speech about not mourning, then cry like a child being left at school the first day?

as I walked out aujanee caught up, grabbed my arm and turned me facing her. we stood there for about 2 minutes just looking into each others eyes til I just started crying. full fledged crying, I fell to my knees in the middle of a hospital hallway and cried. Aujanee put her small frail arms around me, and held me. and I get it, she ain't even my blood mother, and i should be holding Aujanee instead of her holding me, but I felt like my whole world was being flipped upside down and the ground that I walk on was being ripped from under me. I was loosing ms. yolanda. A woman who saw the good in me even when I didn't see it in myself. She took my life and made it wonderful. she birthed the only Woman who I would marry, and start a family with. She gave me Aujanee.

in the midst of my tears I looked up at Aujanee and saw her face filled with worry and concern. It was filled with fear, most.

she looked at me, staring at her.

"Aujanee, marry me."

"uh, Carter your hurting right now, and you are probably unaware of what you are sayi-"

I grabbed her face "No, aujanee I want to spend the rest of my fucked up days with you. I want to wake up next to you every morning, I want to hold your hand when your giving birth to my kids. I want to buy you the house you've always wanted, and have a family. I want you to be my wife. Aujanee, please... marry me."

tears slowly filled her eyes as she nodded. 

"Ct, of course I will marry you. of course."

And at that exact moment I knew that, i had made the best decision of my life.

I put my faith in God that he will do what's best for all of us... Even if I don't agree.

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OHKAY THIS WAS AN EXTREMELY SHORT CHAPTER, AND I APOLOGIZE.

IMMA DO IT LIKE THIS, IF I DONT GET VOTES, YALL DONT GET UPDATES. LML, SORRY IT HAS TO BE LIKE THAT.

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~ Erica Cee