Dear, No One

why now?

2 weeks later

Aujanee ~

"I been laying in that damn bed for over a week, NO ain't gonna calm down. NO I ain't gonna sit down! y'all been feeding me this nasty ass, triflin ass, sorry excuse for food, and the day I'm being released I can't eat my mama's cookin? fuck that."

oh I was mad. foreal. I saw my mama and CT face when I was going in, and they just wanted to laugh.

the nurse looked aggravated "ma'am, please sit down, the doctor needs to give me the 'ok' that you can eat whatever you want, but until then have some water"

"NO. JUST GET OUT."

CT smirked "I'd get out if I were you, you don't want to see her angry. she flips tables and chairs, and she runs red lights and shit"

I looked at home when he made a joke about the accident, it was funny but not ok.

"mija, sit down and we can eat in a minute gorda." my mama said.

I was ready to EAT.

I looked down at my hospital gown, and couldn't wait for my clothes to be on my body. I looked up only to see CT staring at me. I forgave him, but I could tell he hadn't forgiven himself. I told him it was mg fault but he insisted on it being his fault.

He doesn't know this but, the day he dropped to his knees and made that promise to God, I heard him. I heard everything he said. It replay's in my head every time I look at him. He wants to be with me. He loves me, like I love him.

after the doctor released me, CT and I walked hand and hand out the hospital, and into a new beginning.

CT took me and my mother out to our favorite restaurant about 2 hours after we got home. Markel and his girl joined us, and she was about ready to pop. Her feet were swollen, and she looked miserable.

I kept thinking about me and CT. were we together? are we official? I need to know. I love this man. and he knew it.

later that night he dropped my momma at the house and he told me he was taking me somewhere, I just nodded and agreed.

the whole ride he didn't make eye contact with me. I felt the hostility, getting thicker and thicker. what happend..

we arrived at a park. the park we used to always hang out at.... the park we shared our first kiss at. I would never forget this park.

"c'mon, let's chill on the swings, we needa talk."

I nodded "alright, but can you help me over there? " I said slightly smiling. that accident did numbers on my body.

be came around the car and helped me out, then walked me over to the swings.

"alright.... I uhhh... Look jay... I don't know exactly how to say this... "

I looked up at him, struggling to breath and talk "just say whatever your trying to say"

he took a deep breath "I love you. I have always loved you. From the first kiss, from the first time I laid my eyes on you. you have ALWAYS weighed heavy on my heart and mind. when I heard you were in a hospital bed fighting for your life, I died. a little piece of me died. I was terrified-" I was in shock at the confession he just made. but he continued "I thought I lost you. I thought I would never feel your hugs, your embrace, your warmth. I thought I would never hear your laugh again. I never want to feel that again. Look, I know I fucked up. several times, but all I'm asking for is you. I don't Want to live another day without you being MINE. I can't. please, just give it a chance... give us a chance. "

I was in complete shock. I couldn't move, I couldn't talk, shit, I could barley breath.

"please" he begged.

"of course. you know I have loved you since the first time we kissed. I was never gonna give up on you, boy. but promise me one thing? "

"of course! what is it?" he looked eager.

"we in it together, its not no 'you' or 'me', its us its 'we'. I will give you my all, but I can only take so much. of I'm in 100%, imma need the same from you. its us, never them. got it? "

"baby, I been waiting to hear those words fall from ya lips since the day I met you. I'm with it, if you with it."

I smiled and kissed MY boyfriend, my rock, my bestfriend, my day 1.

"I'm with it."