Dear, No One

"How could the one I gave my heart too, break my heart so bad. How could the one that made me happy, make me feel so sad" - Aaliyah

Aujanee ~

who knew just one little 'hey' can change my life... for better and worse. we weren't friends, but I sure did know about him. I saw him around school --well, before he graduated and I transferred-- He referred to me as "young". There was a 2 year gap in our age, but age really didn't matter. Hurt and happiness had no age limit. Carter thomason aka C.T. was tall dark and beyond handsome. The sight of his full bodied, masculine frame sent chills rushing down my spine. He stood about 6'4 and skin the color of a Hershey kiss. With eyes that cut deeper than a knife. Everybody wanted C.T, only few have had him before. I'd always be surprised when he looked my way. We never really talked.. but I wished upon a star we would. I can't say I was fully involved with anyone else, but I also can't say I didn't talk to people. Believe it or not... I just wanted him. The circumstances were rough, but something about him really caught my eye. Maybe His steeze, his style and his whole demeanor. word around school, he was a player. He played all his cards correctly, and never got caught up. As he walked down the hall it seemed like all eyes were on him, and if his eyes were set on a girl.. she was somebody. In my eyes she probably wasn't shit, that's just jealously talking. I ain't never been one to stunt a nigga, and I wasn't about to start now. I just thought he was all that and a box of chocolates. He was too fine.  And me? Insecurity had been running my life since grade school. I didn't have enough heart to even keep eye contact for longer than 7 seconds. Ain't no way in hell I would start a conversation with him. Knowing my goofy self, I would stutter like a broken CD. I probably wouldn't even get my name out correctly.

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As i walk down the hall I hear a deep voice come up behind me.
'aye ma, what's yo name?' C.T said.
'who me? why do you need to know ?' I said with a cocky smirk.
'damn, can't a nigga just get ya name without the attitude?' he said.
I turned so quick I damn near broke my neck 'can't a female get some RESPECT?! got me chopped' a slight eye roll was given then I walked off, ending what was our first conversation.

Every time I saw him after that conversation, he was eye ballin' me with that dangerous smile of his. What did I accomplish by being a total bitch to him? I don't know my damn self. Something right though. What drug was he on?  because I needed some. He looked at me like a piece of meat. Nothing more, nothing less. That's what caused my shy ass to spat at him. How can someone you'd never talked to, bring out something you been hiding for a lifetime.. How is that possible? I was stuck.