not my type ↬ frerard

12

"Gerard," Mikey whispers, pushing open his older brother's door.

It was dark, and he was almost sure Gerard had already fallen asleep. It was around 3am.

"Gee," Mikey said a little louder, stepping into Gerard's room and switching on a desk lamp.

He was right, Gerard was already asleep. Curled on his side in the fetal position, in the clothes he'd been wearing all day, not even underneath his blankets.

Mikey nudged Gerard's shoulder lightly. "Hey. Wake up."

Gerard's hair was a mess, tangled and greasy. His eyes were red, from crying.

Mikey nudged Gerard harder. "Fuck you for being a heavy sleeper."

Gerard stirred, mumbling something Mikey didn't catch.

He had his back to Mikey, so the younger brother just poked right over Gerard's spine. "Wake the fuck up."

"I'm up-" Gerard jumped, lifting his head but not facing Mikey yet.

"Hey."

Gerard turned around quickly, almost excitedly, but his expression fell when he saw it was only Mikey.

"I... had a weird dream." Gerard mumbled. "I thought.."

"I'm not Frank." Mikey said quietly. "We need to talk."

Gerard sighed and sat up, scooting over so Mikey could sit.

And Mikey did sit down, on the edge of Gerard's bed, and looked at him.

"It's about the note."

Gerard hung his head, and dug the heels of his palms into his eyes. "Fuck."

"I know, but..." Mikey sighed heavily. "Gerard, Frank-"

"Just-" Gerard waved a dismissive hand. "I'm sorry Mikey, I don't want to hear it."

"Gerard-"

"Don't."

"But he-"

"Stop it!"

"Frank is in the hospital!" Mikey nearly shouted.

Gerard paused, looking up at Mikey in disbelief. "What?"

"Frank is in the hospital." Mikey repeated. "But.. He's really fucked up, I guess. He's gonna have to go to therapy, and stuff... It-"

"He's not gonna be the same Frank." Gerard said, mostly to himself.

"Yeah."

"So I-I still lost him," Gerard spoke quietly, his voice breaking. "I- Mikey, I didn't-"

"Gerard, if you still love him-"

"I do, Mikey," Gerard said, almost desperately, tears falling from his eyes. "I love him so much, I was just being stupid, I couldn't accept it. I didn't fucking get it, but I do now."

"You need to tell him." Mikey said.

"I can't, Mikey, he probably hates me now because-"

"He wants you to love him!" Mikey snapped. "He said it himself in a fucking suicide note!"

"But-"

"There's no excuse, Gerard. Tell him. Because if he does this again, he may not survive it. Do you want him to be left thinking you don't love him?"

Gerard sighed, rubbing his eyes again. "Mikey..."

Mikey pulled Gerard into a hug. "I know it's hard, but he needs to know."

"I want him to know." Gerard whimpered. "I want him to know I always worried about him, and cared for him... But I was so stupid, and I denied myself the fact that I really did love him."

"Don't tell me that," Mikey said. "You should be telling him."

Gerard pulled away, wiping his eyes with his sleeves. "Can we go see him tomorrow?"

"If we're able to, yeah." Mikey nodded. "But... Just- Be careful, what you say to him. He's not okay, there's no room for making that worse."

Gerard nodded as well. "Thank you, Mikes."

Mikey smiled slightly and ruffled Gerard's hair briefly, before standing up. "Alright, get some sleep... You need it."

"Yeah, you're telling me."

a/n: tbh that was probably pretty predictable,, anyways please remember that I do not condone suicide or self harm (I only write about it as a way to let out my personal demons per say, instead of acting on harmful urges). If you or someone you know is struggling, please understand that you do not have to fight alone.