not my type ↬ frerard

6

tw suicide/self harm mention

chat with .diluted. and pwheezy.

pwheezy: what's the deal with you and gerard?

.diluted.: why do you care?

pwheezy: the tension is so fucking awkward man

pwheezy: and according to mikey im like a really good mediator or at the very least im good with advice

pwheezy: i wanna help if i can

.diluted.: ugh okay

.diluted.: gerard and i got together in freshman year and dated throughout highschool

.diluted.: there was a strain because of my parents, i had to stay closeted

.diluted.: the entire time i was dealing with self harm

.diluted.: gerard knew, i'm not exactly the best at hiding scars and i was always so fucking emotional

.diluted.: so he knew and he tried to help, he always tried to help and i took that for granted. i took him for granted.

.diluted.: but the entire time i was always afraid he'd leave me and this fear got so intense i'd just push him away

.diluted.: i'd always been let down.

.diluted.: gerard was too good for me

.diluted.: i was struggling, my mental state wasn't the best, and i snapped at him one night and we got into a huge argument. by this point it was after graduation so we had been together for a long time.

.diluted.: he didn't talk to me for days

.diluted.: and after awhile i lost it, i went manic and i tried to kill myself

.diluted.: i left a note and everything. i even sent him the note through text because he was out of town

.diluted.: he saw it the next morning and i was already in the hospital by then

.diluted.: he didn't call

.diluted.: he didn't text

.diluted.: he came to see me, though

.diluted.: and he just... he said "i can't do this"

.diluted.: "it's too much"

.diluted.: and he broke it off

pwheezy: did he ever elaborate?

.diluted.: not once

.diluted.: and it's been two years, it still hurts

.diluted.: if i killed myself he wouldn't care.

.diluted.: i just want him to love me again, that's all

.diluted.: he's the only person who ever really made me feel loved in the first place

.diluted.: i had loved but i had not been loved, Gerard changed that

.diluted.: but he gave up on me

.diluted.: and i can't handle that

pwheezy: frank, do you want me to talk to him?

.diluted.: about what? if you repeat what i've said to you, he'll tell you im being whiny or dramatic. he'll tell you I was toxic to his mental state. and maybe i was, maybe the suicide thing truly was too much to handle, but he'll never understand how it made me feel. when i tried to kill myself and it was too much for HIM

pwheezy: im sorry frank

pwheezy: I know that's such a bullshit response but I dont even know what to say

.diluted.: it's okay pete

.diluted.: if you want to try and talk some sense into him that's fine but good luck

.diluted.: im gonna get some sleep

.diluted.: thanks for listening.

~

a/n: i have to say, it's quite interesting to see all the differing reactions and opinions on frank and gerard's behavior in this chapter. maybe some day i'll add my own opinions about it.