Back from the Dead

Chapter 4- Good Speakers, Bad Reaction

Chapter 4

It has been two weeks. Two weeks since I had met Carina for coffee and I had invited her to live with me. Two weeks since I beat up Eric and two weeks of me lying to her. Not just about Eric, about my past. I wouldn't actually call it lying, I would call it refraining from telling the truth. Yes. It's not lying.

I know I had made the decision to tell her but I knew once she knew, she'd leave. And since she has nowhere to go, I'm actually doing her a favor if you think about it.

"Let's watch a movie." Carina suggested from the couch with a bowl of popcorn already in her lap.

"There's really nothing else we could watch." I said. And it was true. For the last 2 weeks, all we had been doing was watching movies. We had gone through all the movies I actually own. Kind of.

"Let's watch some sort of superhero movie!" She exclaimed. "You used to love superhero movies and let's admit it, we both used to dream about being superheroes one day."

I bit my lip thinking about the scenes. It was going to be set in a war ridden environment. But I couldn't say no. If I did, Carina would ask questions that I couldn't give the answers to.

"Are you sure you want to watch that movie?" I asked trying to direct her mind in a different direction.

"Yes! Why not?" She asked eying me suspiciously.

"No reason." I said quickly but I could tell she wasn't buying it so I carried on. "It's just that it's in the other room. I'll go get one." I got up and left.

I kept all the unsafe, war related movies at the bottom of my closet in a box. I couldn't bring myself to throw it out. At one time, I loved these movies. I would watch them all the time. Now, they just hit too close to home.

I walked back into the room and set up the movie. I dragged it out as long as I could trying to delay the inevitable. Before I knew it, I was sitting on the couch watching the opening credits. As soon as I saw the soldiers in the car, my hands started sweating.

I knew this was a bad idea.

Is it too late to change the movie?

Judging by the focused look on Carina's face, it was.

It's fine. Deep breathes. It's just the first scene. You just have to make it through one scene. You can do that, right? Think about something happy. Like what? I haven't been happy in a while.

"You okay?" Carina's voice was filled with concern.

I looked up to look her in the eyes but found that her eyes were not meeting mine. Instead, they were lowered. I followed her eyes and saw that she was staring at my hands. Why? I struggled to focus and noticed they were shaking.

I quickly hid my hands in my lap and gave her a reassuring look. "Don't worry about it, I'm just a bit cold. It's nothing."

This wasn't a lie. It wasn't anything important- yet. And it was a tad bit cold for my liking. She honestly didn't need to worry about me. I could tell that she didn't believe me but she dropped it. And I was grateful.

Despite my thoughts on breathing, my breathes were beginning to come out in short, pained breaths. It's just one scene, it's just one scene. The internal battles my brain were making me crazy causing me to shut it off. I've officially deemed myself clinically insane. I'm surprised I've lasted this long without snapping.

Just then, the bomb went off in the movie and it was like everything around me froze. Memories came flooding back to me. Memories that I had kept hidden for a while, hidden in high, strong walls. These very walls that were crashing down right now. My body froze preparing for a battle that wasn't coming.