Back from the Dead

Chapter 21- Speaking Truth, Feeling Lies

Author's Note
Hey guys!
So sorry for the late (super super late) update. As part of my apology, I have put a very special flashback into this chapter. I was originally going to include it in another, later chapter but I figured it worked here too.
Please, enjoy & vote.
And please point out any mistakes. It's unedited.

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Chapter 21

11:45. I sighed and  reclined my seat back a bit before closing my eyes. No harm in a little nap. We were only five hours into our ten hour flight and I couldn't help but feel slightly...

Okay. Honestly? I have no idea how I feel.

I was unsure. Unsure about how I would react to the boys' anniversary. About how it will feel seeing headstones in their place instead of the people I once called family. I was angry too. Angry that they were taken from me. It's selfish, I know, but it's the truth. And, for the most part, I am scared. Being unsure and angry, they're emotions that pass quite quickly. But being scared- being scared is something that you never get over. It's a feeling that I've suppressed for too long- a feeling I've pushed into the back of my mind and neglected for a year. Now that there's immanent danger lurking in the corners, I can't help but feel old feelings starting to bubble up.

I opened my eyes and glanced around the plane. I got the window seat while Carina called the isle seat. Apparently, planes made her pee. Carina, Blake, Charlie and Mark were all sleeping. I glanced at my phone only to see it had been ten minutes since I last checked. I couldn't sleep and I knew exactly why.

In five minutes, it will officially be a year since the boys' death.

Four minutes.

I only knew the boys for a year. Why does this matter so much. It shouldn't. It doesn't. I was trained how to block out emotions.

Who am I kidding? It matters more than anything in my life. In fact, I literally threw away my life to join the team.

Three minutes.

I threw away everyone I ever loved. But it wasn't all for waste, right? I made a new family. A family with bonds rather than blood. That made us even stranger than a regular family, right? I mean, I should have. They were like brothers to me. And Danny- that little piece of shit- he was the best person I've ever had the pleasure of meeting.

Two minutes.

I'm a horrible person. I left my family for a life of isolation and killing people. I mean, they are terrible people and I was doing the world a favor but I left my family. My aunt and uncle who took me in after my parents were killed. They would never forgive me for what I've done but, then again, they would never have to know what I've done. Could they possibly blame themselves for what happened to me? The car accident. My aunt and uncle were always on my case about my mode of transportation. If it had been up to them, I would have been driving a 20 year old rust bucket that struggled to reach 80 km per hour. Who am I kidding? They totally blame themselves just like a blame myself for the boys' deaths. But that was actually my fault. And Danny. Oh Danny. We could have had so much.

I ran through the doorway while throwing my motorcycle helmet to the side. I heard a chuckle come from behind me and I whipped around to find Danny staring at me.

"Alright, alright. You were right. That was the best thing I've done in my life."  Danny said still chuckling.

I had finally convinced Danny- Mr. I-can-jump-out-of-a-plane-thousands-of-feet-in-the-air-but-I'm-scared-of-sharks- to cage watch sharks with me. To be honest, Sharks weren't my thing either but I'd do anything to freak out Danny.