In Search of a Wolf - The Elves of Fen'Harel Book 1 (Dragon Age)

The Whole Truth

It was peaceful on the coast, Laisa thought, quiet and sad and somehow wonderful. Part of her was tempted to walk into the water, let it wash over the top of her head and lose herself once and for all. It was an idle dream though, as she waited to die. The flickering of limbs and that strange cold creeping sensation was occurring more and more, the longer she sat on the sand.

"Laisa!" The voice she most loved and dreaded broke the silence. "Laisa?" Slowly she turned to see Solas, making his way down the beach towards her.

"Can I not escape you even when I'm dying?" She snapped furiously. "Or are you part of a dream?"

"I'm real." He stopped a little way from her. He looked tired she thought, and afraid, strangely. "The spirit told me. Right now, I'm kneeling next to your body. You're slipping away." His eyes roved over her, as if for signs of damage or injury. If she hadn't been so sure that he was a liar and that all his feelings for her had been a trick, she would have thought he was actually frightened for her.

"That was the point." She said, turning away. "It's better for everyone this way. You should be happy, your secrets die with me. Since you're here, ma ghilana mir din'an."

There was a long pause, "I know you're hurting. I know I hurt you." She said nothing, refusing to look at him. "And now your death will be on my conscience."

"This isn't about you!" She hissed. "What are you doing here anyway? You can't stop me from dying. Beside you've been telling me for months, that you're going to kill us all anyway. Just go away and let me die."

"Fine." He turned, a little huffily, "But do the courtesy of listening to me. There are things you need to know. More secrets. It's more than just me being Fen'Harel."

"I don't care anymore." It was a lie. Of course, she cared. Of course, she wanted to know. But she had to armor herself somehow.

He sighed, and then gracefully sat beside her on the sand. She didn't scoot away. "When I stumbled on you fighting for your life, when you realized who I was, I had a realization." He sighed. "I realized how much my presence in your life had cost you. From the moment we met you have been watched and hurt and ostracized and interrogated, trying to protect me, and working for me. I saw your future: that your last days would be spent being hurt for my sake, protecting me and mine."

For a long time, Laisa said nothing, processing his words. "What are you saying?"

"I caused you so much pain. Knowing me, loving me, was painful for you. I realized that the best thing for me to do, the only thing, was to finally cut you loose from me."

Laisa felt like she could no longer breathe. This felt like a trick.

"I thought that if I could make you no longer love me, then you would have a better life until the end. And if I could make you hate me...well then you would leave, and take your friends and your brother with you. The rest of this world's limited days, you could spend them in peace, without bloodshed, together." He paused, "It's what I had planned all along for you. But I just couldn't do it before."

"I don't..."

"Then maybe I could finally focus!" He put his head in his hands, frustrated. "Since I met you, all I have been is distracted. I worry about you constantly. I wonder if you're alright, and wonder what you're thinking. I make irrational choices. I came that day in the ruins, because I knew you were there. As much as we stay away from one another, it's killing me inside. So I finally did my best to make you hate me."