Not Wanting To Forget {Casualty}

Four

Leah looked at the photo of Cal on her phone. She hadn't slept. It was the day before Cal's funeral. She wasn't ready to say goodbye to him. She didn't want to.

Leah went through to the kitchen and sighed. She didn't want to eat anything but knew she needed to eat to keep her strength up for the baby.

Leah looked at her phone and saw a text from Sam. She smiled at his use of emoji's. "Baby, mummy is getting feelings for another man."

She felt her baby move. Leah grinned and looked at the text.
"Can't wait to see you today. Stay strong, it's what Cal would want - Sam x"

Leah smiled. She went downstairs after getting changed. She began to make breakfast before replying.
"Thanks. I appreciate it - Leah x"

Leah ate what she felt like and sighed. She went to get dressed and sighed. She saw Cal's black shirt and smiled.

Leah took out the shirt and a pair of leggings along with a belt. She got dressed and left.

When Leah arrived at the ED, she saw Sam waiting on her. "Morning."
"Morning."
Sam wrapped an arm around her.
"I'm always here if you need to talk okay?" Sam said.
Leah grinned. "Thank you. That means a lot to me. Your support has been so helpful to me."
"You deserve it."

Leah and Sam went to the staffroom. Sam made her a cup of tea. Charlie came in along with Ethan.
"Hey," Leah said. Ethan hugged Leah tightly.
"Is that Cal's shirt?" Charlie asked.
Leah smiled and nodded. "Yeah. It still smells of him."
Ethan smiled. "I'm not ready for tomorrow."

Leah lost her smile. She knew tomorrow she would be saying goodbye to Cal. She walked out. Sam followed. "Leah."
"I-I can't handle it," she sobbed.
Sam held her tightly and took her to his office. She broke down completely. They fell to the floor together.

Leah gripped onto Sam's arm as if he would leave her.
"I can't do it. I-I miss him. I need him!" Leah screamed into Sam's bicep. Sam felt tears fall from his eyes.

Sam sat Leah on the sofa in his office. He walked over to the drawer and went back over to her once he got when he needed.
"We took this. Everyone thought he was copying me," Sam said with a chuckle. Leah smiled at the photo.
"Yeah. He wanted to be the next Sam Strachan. We had sex the once and he acted like you," she mumbled.
Sam laughed. "Well, I should be honoured."

Leah cuddled into Sam.  Sam held her. "I'm not ready to say goodbye to him," she mumbled.
"I know. I'll be there for you. Tomorrow and every day after that you need me," Sam told her.
Leah smiled and kissed his cheek. "Thank you. It means a lot to me."

Leah walked out of Sam's office. Alicia came over. "You've got some nerve."
"Sorry?"
Alicia scoffed. "Getting it on with Sam the day before your boyfriend's funeral," she spat.
Leah felt like a bitch. "I-I wasn't."
"Oh clearly. Ethan seen you kissing and cuddling him," Alicia spat again. She walked off.

Leah walked outside. She didn't know how to feel. She felt numb. Leah sat outside at the spot where Cal was stabbed.
"I'm sorry," she sobbed. She broke down crying. She held Cal's shirt tighter to her.
Connie came out. She looked at Leah. "Everything alright?"
"No."
Connie sat down with Leah and held her. Leah cried into her. "I miss him so much."
"Shh. I know."

Leah kept on crying. Connie knew how badly she was struggling. "It's scary isn't it? Burying someone you love."
"I-I don't want to say goodbye," she sobbed.
"I know. It's going to be difficult. But you've got to stay strong for him. He wouldn't want to see you like this," Connie said. Leah just nodded. She cuddled closer to Connie.

Connie got her inside and took her to her office.
"Thank you," Leah mumbled. Connie handed her a few tissues.
"No problem. You can use my makeup to patch up if you want."
Leah shook her head. "I deserve to look like crap."
"You don't Leah."
"I do," she sobbed.

Leah left the office and bumped into Sam. "What's happened?"
Leah looked at him. "Leave me alone."

Sam walked off after Leah. "What's all that about?" He asked.
"I'm trying it on with you," Leah said. Sam was confused. He seen Alicia smirking.

Sam pulled Leah to the office.
"Alicia told you this didn't she?" Sam asked. Leah said nothing. Sam sighed. He knew Alicia did.
"I'm here to comfort you. Anyone who takes out of it that we're flirting is silly," Sam told Leah. She just nodded.
Sam wrapped his arms around Leah's waist. She rested her head on his shoulders. She felt her baby kick. But she also felt Sam's crotch pressed up against her.

Leah looked at Sam and kissed him. She pulled away when she felt him kiss back. She quickly walked out the office. "C-Connie, can I go home? I feel ill."
"Of course you can. I'll call you a taxi," Connie said. Leah nodded. She stayed in Connie's office with her until the taxi arrived.

Leah walked out to the taxi and got in. As the taxi drove off, she seen Sam running out of the ED after her.

Leah went back home and spent the evening crying. She hated how she had kissed Sam.

When the next morning came, Leah picked out her black dress. She wiped her tears away. She got a text from Sam.
"Let's talk before the funeral - Sam xx"

Leah didn't reply. She grabbed the dress and went to the ED before the funeral. She smiled when she seen Ethan.
"Hey," she mumbled. Ethan hugged her.
"Hi," he replied.

Both Ethan and Leah were making speeches at the funeral. They had helped each other with them.
"The bag for your speech?" Leah asked.
Ethan nodded. "Yeah. It's all part of it."
Leah smiled. "Well I'm sure it will be amazing. Everything you do is amazing."
"Thank you."

Leah walked inside and saw Charlie along with Dylan. She went to talk to them. "How are you?" Charlie asked.
"Not too good. I'm struggling."

Sam came over. Dylan started talking about the cuts. Leah didn't look at Sam. She knew he wanted to talk about the kiss. "Leah, can we talk?" He asked.
"I'm busy. Later."
Leah walked off. She went to find Ethan who was working on a teenage patient.
"Could I help out?" Leah asked.

Ethan smiled and nodded.
"If you could keep the leg elevated for me?" Ethan asked. Leah nodded and gently lifted the boy's leg.
"It hurts between my legs when my leg is raised," he said.
"Don't worry, you've done nothing wrong," Ethan assured Leah.
Leah smiled slightly. She looked at Ethan. "Today will be so hard."
"I know."

Leah went to get a drink. She had a dry throat. Sam grabbed her. "Get off me."
"We need to talk about what happened," Sam said.

Leah allowed Sam to take her into Connie's office. She wiped her tears away. "What happened?"
"I-I kissed you. You had your thing against me," she mumbled.
Sam sighed. "I didn't mean to. I can't help if it's that big."
Sam was attempting to make Leah smile. She let out a giggle and looked at him.
"In seriousness, I didn't mean to. I'm sorry. But if that kiss meant anything to you, please tell me," Sam said.

Leah knew it did. She didn't know if she had the cuts to tell him though.
"I'll talk to you after the funeral," she mumbled.
Sam nodded and planted a kiss on Leah's cheek. "Go on gorgeous."
"Yes sir."

Leah walked out. Ethan walked over and glared at her. "You said Cal was unconcious when you found him. Why?" He asked.
"E-Ethan."
"I want to know."

Leah didn't know what to tell him. "H-He wanted to know you were okay. He thought Scott was coming after you."
Ethan was shaking as he took a deep breath.
"Don't blame yourself. Please," Leah said.
"Don't you either."

Leah hugged him.
"I'm going to go to the funeral. You coming?" Leah asked. Ethan shook his head.
"I have to do something first."
Leah got in her car and went to the church. She saw Sam waiting for her. She smiled slightly. "Thanks."

She walked over to Charlie and Duffy. She broke down in their arms when the hearse arrived. She saw the wreath that said daddy and knew someone had ordered it.

"Thank you for ordering it," Leah sobbed. Charlie and Duffy were both confused.
"We didn't."

Leah frowned but nodded. She walked over to the coffin and laid a hand on it.
"I love you Cal and so does our baby," she said. She felt her baby kicking in response.
When everyone was inside, Leah walked up to the front of the church. She took a deep breath. She didn't know if she could do it but a smile from Sam told her she could.

Leah took a deep breath. "Lifes too short. That's the one thing that Cal said the day he was killed. If only he knew. I found him bleeding. But the last thing I heard him say was it doesn't hurt. Dying. It's just like falling asleep. He will never get to meet our baby. The baby we made. I will do whatever I can to make sure my baby knows all about their daddy."

Everyone was crying. Even Sam had a tear. Leah continued. "I miss him so much that it physically hurts to wake up. I want nothing more for him than to tell me he's been winding me up. It won't happen."

Leah walked over to the coffin and put a hand on it. "Sleep tight Cal. Don't worry about me. We'll be together again soon. I promise but till then, wait for me to come home."
Sam walked up to the front and hugged Leah. Leah broke down in his arms. Charlie walked up to them and helped Sam to bring Leah down to a seat.

Leah cuddled into Sam as Ethan went up to the front.
"Be careful you, you're making me all soggy," Sam whispered. Leah smiled slightly at his attempt to cheer her up.
Soon enough, they walked out to the graves. Leah held onto Sam and Charlie. Sam had a hand wrapped around her waist and one hand placed on her bump.

Leah cried into him as Cal's casket was lowered into the ground. "Bye bye Cal. Sleep tight."
Sam kissed the top of Leah's head. Tears fell from his eyes. Leah wiped them away.
"Be more Cal and be manly," Leah said as tears streamed down her face.

Sam chuckled and held Leah. Leah hugged him back. She didn't know how she would have coped without him.
"I'm going to take you home," he said to her.
Leah nodded and smiled. She hugged Charlie and Duffy. "We'll come and check on you later."
"Okay."

Sam took Leah back to her flat. She took him inside. "I don't want to be alone."
"I know."
Leah and Sam sat on the sofa. She sighed. "I feel like a pizza," she said.
Sam smiled and took out his phone. He ordered in everything Leah wanted.

Leah leant into Sam and cuddled into him. Sam held her close.
"That kiss... I wanted it to happen," Leah admitted in a whispered. Sam heard the whisper and looked at her.
"You did?"
Leah nodded. She looked at him again and kissed him. Sam kissed back. Leah pulled away and smiled. "Told you."
Sam smiled and kissed her cheek.

Leah went to get changed out of her dress. It was too tight. She got Cal's shirt back on.

Sam looked up as Leah came in wearing a shirt. Nothing but a shirt. "Sorry but it's the only comfy thing I've got right now," she mumbled.
Sam held her as she sat back down. He didn't want to force her into sex until she was ready but looking at Leah in just a shirt did something for him.

The pizza arrived and Sam went to get it. Leah walked to the kitchen to get some drinks for them.
Sam took off his jacket. Leah came back in with some coke. Sam smiled. "You okay?"
"Yeah. He's at peace now. He's watching over his baby."
"He is."

When they'd eaten, Leah sighed. "Damn."
"What?"
Leah looked at Sam. "It's embarrassing."

Sam smirked slightly. "Tell me."
"I'm... Turned on," she mumbled.
Sam tried not to react to Leah's comment but Leah soon seen that Sam was too.

Leah grinned at Sam and kissed him. Sam kissed back. Leah straddled him.
"Blame baby. They want it," Leah said.
Sam chuckled and pulled away from Leah.
"We don't have to, I want you to be comfortable," Sam said.
Leah looked at him. "I-I want to. But I feel so cheap and like a slut," she mumbled.
"No one will know."

Leah got up and took Sam's hand. She took him through to the bedroom. "I want to."
Sam nodded.

Leah smiled and kissed him gently. Sam smiled and kissed back.

Leah pulled Sam over to the bed and laid down. Sam hovered above her.
"You okay?" Sam asked. Leah nodded and smiled.
"Never better."
Sam nodded. Leah began taking off his clothes. Sam took off the shirt and put it on the floor.

Seeing Leah in just a bra and pants was turning him on badly. Leah pulled Sam's face to hers and kissed him passionately. He kissed back.
"Do you want to go on top to make sure the baby is okay?" Sam asked. Leah nodded and kissed him.

They switched places and Leah straddled Sam. She kissed down his body gently until she got to his boxers. Sam bit his lip and closed his eyes in anticipation. Leah couldn't stop smiling. Sam made her happy.
Leah took off his boxers and grinned. He was hard. Leah pushed him into her and they both moaned.

Leah flipped them. "Your baby."
"It'll be fine. Just don't press down," she said.
Sam nodded and started kissing her as he moved in and out of her. Leah moaned. It had been over a month since she had sex last. But she felt like she had betrayed Cal.

Leah went silent. Sam knew something was wrong.
"Babe what's up?" Sam asked.
"Nothing. It's fine."

Sam stopped and pulled out.
"Tell me," he said.
Leah sighed. "I feel like I've betrayed Cal."
"How?"
"By having sex with you."

Sam sighed and kissed her.
"It's not betraying him. He'd want you to be happy and move on," Sam told her. Leah nodded. She reached her hand under the duvet and began to feel his member.
"L-Leah... Why?" Sam asked.
Leah giggled. "Well you won't put it in me and its forming a tent with the duvet."
Sam laughed and kissed her before gently pushing back in.
Leah moaned loudly.

Charlie and Duffy arrived outside Leah's. They saw her car and knew she was there.

They had bought an outfit for the baby and a canvas of Cal for her. They walked into the building and went up to Leah's floor.

Leah and Sam had both climaxed. They were both cuddled up when the door buzzed.
Leah groaned.
"I forgot about Charlie and Duffy," Leah mumbled. She pulled on Sam's boxers and Cal's shirt. She ran to the door.

Sam got out of bed while Leah made Duffy and Charlie a drink. Sam didn't realise Leah was wearing his boxers. He swore and ended up just putting on his trousers.

Sam joined Duffy and Charlie. They smiled.
"Sam, look what Duffy and Charlie got," Leah said. Sam spotted Leah in his boxers.
Leah smiled at the canvas. "What's that?"
"It's something for the baby."
"Thanks."

Charlie knew something had to have happened between Leah and Sam. Charlie didn't say anything though. He handed Leah the bag. Leah sat down and pulled out some baby stuff.

Sam smiled and made Leah a cup of tea.
"Thank you so much," Leah said and hugged them both. Sam brought over her cup of coffee.
Leah thanked him and sat down. Charlie could tell she had Sam's boxers on. "Are you alright Leah?" He asked.
"Yeah. I'm fine."

Sam sat down. His zip was irritating his member. Leah smiled slightly. Duffy looked at them. "We've not interupted anything have we?" She asked.
"No, it's all fine," Leah said. Sam wrapped an arm around her. Charlie and Duffy knew what was going on.

Leah and Duffy put the stuff in the nursery for the baby.
"Thank you so much for all of this," Leah said. Duffy smiled.
"It's our pleasure. So, you and Sam?"
Leah stayed silent. She didn't know what to say. Duffy smiled. "Don't worry about it. You're allowed to be happy."
"The day of his funeral though?"
Duffy smiled. "Cal would want you to move on. I've always seen sexual tension between you and Sam."

*Flashback*
Leah walked around the ED. Cal had the day off and she felt lost. She walked into someone.
"Woo, I'm so sorry," Leah said.
Sam smiled down at her. "It's okay. I'm Sam Strachan."
"Leah... Ehm... I'm lost."
Sam smirked. "Well, Leah I'm Lost, where are you going?"

Leah giggled at Sam's name for her.
"I'm meant to be going to the cubicle. But I've lost which one I'm going to," Leah admitted.
"What number?"
"30."
"This way Leah I'm Lost."
Leah laughed slightly and followed him.

Leah went with Sam to the cubicle. She smiled. "Thank you Mr Strachan."
"Very welcome."

Leah walked into the cubicle. Sam stood watching her. "Can I help you?"
"I'm supervising."
Leah nodded and tried not to smile. The little girl tapped Leah's arm.
"He handsome," she said.
Leah laughed. "Don't tell him that or his head will be so big we won't be able to get him out of cubicle."

The little girl giggled and let Leah put a plaster cast on. Sam smiled at her.
"By the way, I may be big headed but at least I don't get lost," Sam whispered to Leah.
Leah fell silent. She glared. "Not funny."
"Good."
Leah watched as he walked off.

*End Flashback*

Leah looked at Duffy. "Sexual tension? I don't know what you're talking about," she said.
Duffy laughed. "If you say so."
Leah smiled slightly and walked back out to Charlie and Sam.

Duffy and Charlie left. Leah looked at Sam.
"They know," Leah said.
Sam chuckled. "They really do."

Leah kissed Sam passionately. Sam kissed back. "Can we keep us quiet for now? Till I'm ready to finally let go?" She asked.
"Of course."
Leah smiled and thanked him.

Leah cuddled with Sam. All that was running through her head was one question. Could she finally let go of Cal?