Y O U R L I E S

|t h i r t e e n|

As i opens my eyes the sun blocks my view of my room, i turn to the other side so i can see my surroundings. I recall the events that happened yesterday and now i lost even more motivation to get up from my bed. It's really sad that you thought you knew somebody more than you knew yourself, but i guess the world is full of surprises right.

Now that i think about it when did everything go so wrong for us?

I mean was it because of me or something that i did that i don't know about?

and if it is i want to make up for it.

Wait wait, why am i thinking like this, we broke up and i said i didn't love him anymore so it's over.

Well if we were to be honest i'm still not completely over him just yet, but i will be soon.....i think.

I hope i will be.

Anyways my head hurts really bad, it's probably because i hadn't eaten in a while, i mean there's just been so much shit going on that i hadn't been paying attention to myself but at the same time i don't want to eat because i could gain some weight and that would just make me feel worse than i already do about myself and also i want to look good for jungkook.

My thoughts drifted away once i got a new message.

Unknown:
hey it's yoongi, i was wondering if u wanted to get some breakfast.

A small chuckle leaves my lips as i check the time and it's already one in the afternoon. I won't judge since i woke up late too.

me: isn't it a bit to late for that 🤦🏻‍♂️😂

yoongi 💕: well.....yeah sorta but do u still wanna go out and eat?

me: how do ik u won't kidnap me 🤔

yoongi 💕: trust me i would've done it a long time ago tae

me: ok.

yoongi 💕: i'll pick u up in 10. address?

me : xxxxxxxx street xxxx number

yoongi💕: ok ill be there

And then it hit me. I don't need to starve myself because me and jungkook are over and i have no one to impress anymore.

I smiled. A real one. And for the first time in a while i'm happy.

I got up and headed to the bathroom to take a quick shower and just like that my happiness was taken away. I looked at all my scars,cuts and burn marks, i know they will never go away even if i stop now and let them heal, so i'll just continue.

I get out a blade that i kept under the sink in the cabinet and put in on my wrist. I pushed down so that the blade would go deep into my skin and then i slide it across and i kept doing that about twenty more times on both arms.

I looked over the clock and realized that i only had five minutes to take a shower before yoongi hyung would come and pick me up so i went inside the tub that i filled with water and laid down.

The water was cold but comforting, it was like i belonged here in the cold, alone and depressed.
I could see the blood from my wrist spread in the water, it was like putting red food coloring in a glass of water.

I start to scrub my body and then i put shampoo on my hands and i start to wash my hair. I've been thinking for a while about my hair and i kinda wanna dye it. I then rinse myself quickly and stand up to grab my towel, i then wrap it around my waist and head to my bedroom.