Conversations With My Love (boyxboy)

51. It's Over.

"I did not get hit by a bus by the way," he told me and his words froze me in place. "I just thought that I would let you know about it."

"Good for you," I simply replied and he hummed, his hand touching the books in front of him.

"Who knows, maybe when I will get back home today, I will get hit by one," he told me, his voice full of sarcasm and I rolled my eyes.

"You should pray then. I'm sure that the god above will listen to your prayers and keep you safe," I retorted. "I heard that he always listens to the prayers of his children. Me, I'm the spawn of the devil, so my prayers are never answered."

"You're not the spawn of the devil," he protested quietly and I huffed.

"Like if you know about it," I told him and I felt his eyes on me once again. Annoyed, I glanced at him and he quickly looked away, "Do you want something or what? Why are you staring at me?"

"I was just thinking about something," he replied. He grabbed one of the books on the shelf and fake reading the description. "The only reason you came into the library before was to observe me or to talk to me."

I simply couldn't believe him. What was he trying to tell me by saying this? Did he think that I was there for him?

"I guess that I wasted a lot of years of my life coming here for you," I spat at him and I walked away into another aisle but Pierre did not seem to want to let me go today as he quickly followed me. "Damn it, I'm not here for you, Pierre, so stop following me around."

"We need to talk," he said and I stopped dead in track, looking back at him while letting out a laugh.

"Now you want to talk?" I asked him in disbelief, "You did not want to talk to me before so don't waste your time doing it now."

"I did not see you for one entire week," he exclaimed as I was about to walk away but I stopped to listen to what he had to say, "Joshua isn't talking to me anymore and I don't know what you have been doing. When I did not see you last week, I got so scared. I thought that something had happened to you and when I learnt that you were back at the high school, I couldn't stop myself from running to you but Veronica had to follow me and we ended up all on the rooftop. I know that you are hurt and I also know that you are angry at me. The way you talked to me the last time proves that statement but I'm worried for you. I still ca-"

"Shut the fuck up," I snapped at him without warning and he jumped in surprise at my sudden outburst. He looked at me with wide eyes as I allowed myself to speak, "Don't you dare say that you care for me because you don't. I won't let myself get fooled with your words anymore. You feel nothing for me so forget about me because I'm trying to forget about you. There is nothing between us anymore. Forget about it all because it's all gone for me now."

"How do you expect me to forget about everything?" he asked me, "We lived through so much together. We laughed, we shared our deepest thoughts and we were there for each other. We can't just forget about all of this like if those moments that we shared were not important. Declan, you once told me that the memories that we would make together, you would keep them forever in your heart. Now you can't act like our past together was nothing."

"Oh, but I can," I told him in the most serious voice ever. "Nothing is important. I don't want to keep a single memory of you."

"I never wanted to hurt you," he exclaimed then and I wanted to laugh at that. "This was not my intention. I did not choose my words properly. I just wanted to make you understand that we couldn't be together, at least not in the way that you wanted. I'm-"

"Stop it, Pierre, I don't want to talk to you," I raised my voice, having enough of him, "I don't want to have anything to do with you. There's nothing else to say about it, there's nothing else for you to do to change that. Try to understand that you and I, it's over."

"So this is how it is going to be now?" he asked me in disbelief. "We're not going to talk anymore. We are going to act like complete strangers because I chose to have a girlfriend."

"This is not only about Veronica," I informed him. "You preferred to hurt me in the most horrible way instead of giving us a chance. I don't know what got into you but you chose to let me go instead of fighting for me. You chose the easy way out instead of admitting what you feel for me. I deserve better than this and if you can't give me what I want, then I can't continue to feel what I feel for you."

He seemed to be shocked by my words and he looked like he wanted to say something but the right words weren't coming to him. Maybe he realized that I was right and now he did not know what to do or say. Me, on the other hand, I had made up my mind.

"This wasn't supposed to turn like this," he said at last, lowering his gaze to the ground. "I didn't think that I would lose you like this. I don't want to lose you."

"You already did," I informed him and he looked at me with teary eyes. I gulped and then added, "This is it, you are no longer my love. From now on, all you are is Pierre Lois, the priest's son and that's all you'll ever be."

That said, I walked away without another word.