Simply Hard

Chapet 12

My afternoon was filled with smiles. Fake and true. No matter what I did or talked about with Aaron, I thought of Aidan. How I'd left him with no answers.

I had ordered raspberry sorbet for the ice cream bar while he ordered plainchocolate.
Through out the two hours he smirked cheekily just as he did when I had met him. We walked through town talking constantly. He was extremely flirty I wasn't going to lie about that.
Every now and then Aaron would drop simple pick up lines or small complements in to our convocation.

His laugh was extremely attractive. I remembered how deep it and how similar it was to Aidan's when we joked around.
When walking, he tried to intertwine our hands, and how I wanted to hold his hand calmly back. Though every position I awkwardly moved into, never felt right. His touch made my skin feel warm. Almost as warm as the brief kiss felt as we parted.

As I tried to block out of my mind how awkward I had been, I drove to Aidan's house with only one thing in my mind. How the awkwardness would continue that night.

Back then, I almost wished Aaron would have came so Aidan and Jonah wouldn't have asked and Alex wouldn't imply everything Aaron and I had done was dirty.
However, I wonder now if he did attend that particular band practice, would I have ever become closer to any of the three boys I played music with? The jokes from Alex and over protectiveness from Jonah and Aidan was less awkward than I had ever imagined or even hoped it would be.

"So, Ella, I heard Aaron wants to fuck you." Alex called to me as he opened the door for.

"Oh come on," I rolled my eyes as we walked down the basement stairs. "I literally went for ice-cream with him."

"In the end of November? The only ice cream he wanted, Ella, was yours." Jonah raised his eyebrows at me suspiciously as I walked down the last half of the basements stairs.

"Yep, so did you let him?" Alex purposely wriggled his eyebrows as he looked at me playfully while he sat on his drumming stool.
"Did you let him lick your ice cream?"

Being the innocent person I was, first of all, I didn't understand what Alex had attempted to imply. However soon my furrowed, confused eyebrows flipped to risen, shocked ones as I had realised what he had meant. I scrunched my eyes up tightly and threw myself into the sofa. "I regret coming here."

"No, you should regret seeing Aaron." Aidan said. His grey eyes weren't filled with warmth now. They were a cold, hard, grey. No emotion set in them.

I felt my self swell with guilt for no reason I could think of. I swallowed another hard lump in my throat. I felt Aidan's eyes stare at me.
Jonah looked at the both of us before sharply clapping his hands together. "Ok, time for practice, we have a gig next Saturday."

Aidan picked up his guitar, eyes on me. "What song first?"

"Why are you looking at me? I don't know." I whined.

"Your singing, the lead singer might I add. It's your choice." He shrugged.

I huffed heavily and sat up, coming my hand, stressfully through my hair. I bit the inside of my lip thoughtfully. I felt Aidan's eyes on my as I did this.
"We need something that catches peoples attention straight away." I inform.

"So what's that gonna be, Els?" Jonah questioned.

I was about to answer when I was cut off by Aidan's glare and deep growl of words.  "Don't call her that."

I furrowed my eyebrows as Alex smirked and chuckled, while Jonah simply rolled his eyes.

"So any way," I sighed a sigh that cut the tension in the room.
"I was thinking Cocoon - Catfish & The Bottle Men to start, Dakota - Stereophonics, then Long Live the Queen - Frank Turner?"

"All good songs but all slightly different genres?" Alex frowned not understanding what I was trying to do.

"Yeah, it's all a bit random isn't it?" Jonah asked. "However I totally agree on having Cocoon as the starting song."

"They are all random songs but that's why I thought about putting then in that order." I attempted to explain however two blank faces still stared my way.

"She wants to show that we have a variety of different genres so the crowd are most interested from the second song because they know the songs aren't always going to be the same." Aidan explain in a way I struggled to get across.

He always got me. Even now with out saying one word he knew me inside and out.

The boys nodded with relived looks on their faces. They nodded and agreed to my mad method as we began to practice.

~*~~*~

"So you know what happened the night before the accident?" Aidan caught me off guard with his question as he shut the door that Alex and Jonah had recently left through.

I didn't bother to fill the air with anymore awkward word so I simply answered with a small nodded.
"What else do you remember about us?" He asked softly as he came closer to me.

"Nothing," I replied.

He sighed. "Do you remember your mum?"

I felt sadness well up I my body. "It was my fault." I said harshly. "I drove them apart."
A flood of turmoil rising from the tip of my toes to the very beginning of each hair on my head wash over me but never passed. I shook my head biting the insides of my lips. His eyes attempted to catch mine but I was reluctant to look at him and let my head bow to the floor. I didn't want him to see my tears.

"No you didn't Ella," Aidan began.

I scoffed. "Yes I did." I corrected him. "If didn't have this stupid metal disorder she would have love me!" I cried softly to my self, still avoiding Aidan's direct stare.

"Ella she was sick. It's not your fault you have fucking Autism." His voice was the softest I'd heard it. For a moment he actually seemed like he cared. But every time I thought that he did my mind brought me back to when he hated me.

I shook my head once more. "Sorry,"
I faintly whispered before running upstairs.