Simply Hard

Chapter 9

"You need to tell your dad." Aidan said as he sat down in front of me at lunch.
We were the only ones on the table but I was still wary.

"I don't want to." I said.

"Shame cause you have to." He smirked. I furrowed my eyebrows. "You still like getting your own way don't you?"

"Who doesn't? And what do you mean?"

"You have to tell your dad." He repeated.

"No."

"If you don't I will."

"Why?" I sighed. "Why do I have to tell him?!" My voiced hissed in irritation. Unfortunately ever since he found out I knew about our old friendship his been using my weaknesses against me.
He knows how to annoy me and how to get his own way. And I couldn't deny any of it because I couldn't remember.

"I'm not trying to piss you off, Ella." He said softly.

"Then what are you trying to do?!" I snapped. "Just because I know about what happened doesn't mean you should be any different. You used to hate me and now you act like your my friend and it's messing with my mind!"

Aidan sighed. "Come with me."

He stood up and I followed him to the back of the field where we talked last time. He smiled and sat on the bench. "Why do you keep bringing me here?"
I asked.

"Whenever we needed to talk we would come here." He shrugged.

I sat down next to him on the bench and looked at him. "I still don't get it."

"I know," he sighed. "I don't either."
I laughed shyly as did he. "Look, when you came back I was mad because you left and I never heard from you again. You didn't recognise me, you knew you'd been to this school but you didn't know anything more."

"And that all pissed me off." He sighed. "Two years after loosing my best friend, she waltzed back in and acted like nothing had happened, like I didn't have cancer and she didn't walk away with out a good bye."

His explanation calmed me down for some reason. I already knew everything he was telling me but the confirmation of him saying it changed everything.

"I-I'm sorry I-"

"It's not your fault Ella, I know that now and I'm trying to make up for all that shit I said to you." He kept a straight face.
"I know you can't remember anything and I don't know if you ever will. But I thought if I acted like your friend again, you would remember everything that happened."

"But why would I need to tell my dad?" I asked.

"My sister said that when you woke up your dad decided that it was better for you not to remember your mum. That if you were to remember you should naturally learn and remember rather than being told. We were all told that we couldn't tell you anything that happened, not even if it was to tell you that I was friends with you or Jonah or Alex knew you."

"W-hat?!" I exploded.

"Ella, he was right to do it. Think about how much worse everything could have been if you knew everything." Aidan said softly, trying to keep my attitude down.

"I can't think about how different everything could have been because I can't remember anything!" I shouted.
"What if I never over heard you guys? I wouldn't know anything! It bugged me everyday when I came home and I didn't have a mum to ask how my day was or kiss me goodnight. I would constantly blame myself because I couldn't remember her."

"My life would have been simpler!"

"No it wouldn't of been." Aidan stood up with his usual tensed jaw and mad eyes.

"How would you know?" My voice trembled with a crack.

"Because if you knew, you would have tried to talk to me." He said. "And knowing me I wouldn't have listened. You might have blamed your self even more than you already do on your parents divorce. You could have tried to contact your mum. Jonah might not have talked to you on the first day. You might not have made any friends. You could be bullied. We wouldn't be here right now."

"Ok? What your Dad did was what he knew would be best for you, whether you like it or not." Aidan began to become more stern in everything he did.
He stood tall over me, a fire and harsh smoke in his eyes. His jaw twitches several times in anger.
It was like he was trying to tell me that he knew what was best for me. But he didn't.

"You don't have any right to keep my memories away from my mind. Neither does he! I didn't get any choice in any of this. I never asked to forget and never to remember. My future was never thought about in his decision." I fought.

Both of us were right, but Aidan was the most correct. He saw life from a different perception.

"Your lucky to have a dad like him!" He shouted. "Mine left me! He left my whole family and ran for the hills as soon as he found out my mum had weeks to live. Your dad is fighting to keep you safe and out of harm! My dad left me to see my mum struggle day by day! He left me to raise my brother and to grieve for my mums death, on my own!"
Aidan took a deep breath in and tried to calm him self down while tears formed in his eyes. He tried not to look at me but I kept my eyes on him. I never knew any of this. Of course I didn't. I couldn't remember. I was never told.

"You have everyone around you to help you through this Ella." He said with slight venom in his voice but not enough to kill a fly.
"Your dad will always going to be there for you. Poppy and Alex and Jonah will always help you." He whispered.
"I will always help you. But to do that you need to let me help you."

Those words were something I never forgot. The same words he repeated a year later when a different, more life changing problem troubled me.

I thought about everything he said. He was right. But I wasn't going to tell him that and he knew it. If he really was my best friend then he'd know my head was way too far up my ass to admit I was wrong. Especially to him.
But he was so right it annoyed me. It annoyed me to know that he could always help me but I could never even try because I couldn't remember a thing about him.
I would have to learn every crack in his mind. Re-live every moment he'd ever experienced by my side again just to help and be his best friend again.
But he was already there. He knew every crack of my mind and how it worked. He knew when I was lying and when I was happy.
He was already my best friend again, but I could never be his in return.

"You say you were my best friend." I said bitterly, the bitter tone mostly aimed for myself. "Best friends are supposed to know what their best friends would do in a situation."

He nodded with furrowed eyebrows.
"Then you would know that I'm not going to tell my dad." I said softly with regret.
He nodded and sighed.

Aidan took a step closer to me. "Then you know that I'm going to do."

I bit my lip and nodded understandingly before I walked away leaving him there.

He was going to tell my dad.
And deep down I knew he was telling the truth because, he truly was and is my best friend.