Dweeb; Septiplier

2.4

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Mark: Friday, 1 December
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Jack has been acting crazy for the past week. He doesn't want me anywhere near him and it's honestly stressing me out a lot.  I didn't really think about why it was though. I didn't do anything wrong.

Maybe this was his sick way of getting "revenge" on me because I didn't pay enough attention to him. But whenever I try to pay attention to him, he pushes me away. Is this what is feels like to be pushed away again and again? Is this what I've been doing to him?

"There's a party tonight, right?" I asked Jack as he sat on his bed.

"That would be correct." He replied as he scribbled on a piece of paper. He does it to make it look like he's working on something, but he's just doodling.

"Are we going?"

"Did you want to go?"

"Yeah. It's been too long." I replied and Jack nodded his head. Not once thinking about how me wanting to go to a party might be a little weird.

So we left the dorms later that night and Jack talked very little to me. He gave a lot of one worded responses. I never thought it was hard to hold a conversation with Jack, because he was so talkative, but I think getting him drunk might cause him to spill something.

That didn't exactly happen.

I was at the party and there was people everywhere. Everyone you'd expect to show up, did and I was glancing around in disgust, I knew I didn't want to be here.

I offered Jack a drink several times, but surprisingly, he turned it down every time. "Why do you keep offering me a drink when you haven't even had one yourself? Are you trying to get me drunk?" Jack raised an eyebrow to my suspicious behavior, here I thought he was pretty stupid.

There was something in his eyes that made him seem so distant. Like they were clouded over and he was distracted. There was something else, on his mind.

"I thought it might help you to loosen up a little." I shrugged. "Because there's something you're not telling me, and I thought you might say it after a little bit is in you."

"I'm not the one not saying something." Jack sighed and stood up. "Look, I wanna just go back to the dorms. I don't want to be here right now."

"Fair enough." I replied and followed him out the door. While driving down the road I posed a question. "I could really go for something to eat, do you mind if I stop?"

"No." Jack answered me and I pulled over into a fast food parking lot. He got out of the car and he looked me up and down.

"Oh I'll be just a second, you can go in without me." I said with a nervous smile, he looked me up and down but he didn't look like he was buying into it.

"Why are you going to be just a second?" Jack asked.

"Oh I just have to find my wallet."

"I can see it in your pocket." Jack pointed out. "Or is that a pack of cigarettes?"

I choked immediately when Jack harshly posed the question. "What are you talking about?"

"I found a cigarette pack in the dorm room.  When did you take up smoking?" Jack asked.

"It's good for my stress, alright?"

"No, not alright. That's gross."

I let out a sigh. "I wanna eat, so do you really wanna have this conversation?"

"No you don't wanna eat, you just wanted me to go inside so you could smoke." Jack huffed. "Mark, what the hell."

"I'm sorry, alright?" I breathed. "I don't know what to tell you, cupcake."

"That you're going to quit?" Jack replied. He was throwing his arms up in a fit, when I shook my head I saw his face turn to anger, almost as if he was ready to hit me. "Fine, then I'm going to quit." 

"What? Quit?" I replied.

"On you. I will quit on you if you don't get a handle on this addiction." Jack shook his head. "I don't want to be with a smoker." 

"You've never even noticed it."

"I'm not dealing with you when it gives you cancer." 

"Ouch." 

"So either work on quitting or I'm done Mark." Jack sighed. "I'm sorry, I'm not going to be with a -"

"You act like you're so perfect." I snarled. I stood close to Jack and he looked pretty uncomfortable. "You act like you don't do anything wrong, that you're some perfect human being but newsflash! You aren't. You have your flaws and so do I." 

"I didn't say I was perfect." Jack sighed. "But dammit Mark I can't be with a smoker. You can be a lot of things, but not a smoker." I took a deep breath and nodded. "Take me back to the party." 

"What? Why?" 

"Please." 

"Alright.." I sighed, I drove to where the party was and Jack got out of the car before leaning back to the window. 

"You are in no way required to come in, I know people in there and I'll be fine if you want to leave." Jack told me. I nodded my head and he walked to the building, suddenly understanding my silent answer. I drove the car down the road and shook my head slowly. 

An addiction was an addiction, you didn't just break it. And who was Jack to tell me how to live? We hadn't known each other that long, I could easily just say bon voyage, and good riddance. But I supposed you could say the same thing about the cigarettes. I shook my head and let out a deep sigh. I honestly needed to learn how to properly hide things. 

I felt somewhat disgusted with myself when he said these things to me, that it was a deal breaker. And now I've left him to get wasted, I should go back. I should go back. But at the same time, I shouldn't.

Jack is an adult, and he knows more about this scene then I will ever know. He'll be fine, he will. That's what I just keep saying as I cruise down the road.

~AN: 

Hey everyone, it's been a while. But, yesterday my boyfriend broke up with me and he basically told me that it's me and it's my fault and everything and I'm too much for him, and my anxiety is too bad for him to deal with and like he convinced me to go back to therapy to get better and I was legitimately about to start going again, and I don't know, I feel really shitty and down like during my absence that's what was taking my time. So I thought that writing again would help me, and it's a nice distraction but I don't know, I'm really terribly sad.

I also started college like a week ago, it's nice. I like it here, the people are very nice to me too, I've made lots of friends. So that's good, I'm just really depressed for the moment.

But to make matters worse we're still talking like we're friends and I don't know why I think that's a good idea but I really hope he just changes his mind.

I'm sorry for being gone for so long, and I'm sorry that I just rambled. It was on my mind and it was nice to say it. 

Rinny :(