Say Something...

Burden

"Thomas."

My eyes found hers, no doubt a question lying inside as I saw her serious face. "You know you can't sleep during the daytime, it's better if you keep yourself to the normal day and night cycle. Sleeping in the daytime will only cause you to be awake at night, when everyone else is asleep."

Oh...

My hands dropped from the bed as I sighed and Debora quickly suggested several other things we could do but I shook my head and tried my best to ignore her. I didn't want to go to the common room and interact with the other patients.

I didn't care to have a bath later today, even if my hair was getting greasy, the skin itching and the hairs dangling in my face, irritating beyond belief. No doubt I resembled a sulking teen at the moment, who didn't get what he wanted but I just couldn't find it in me to care.

All I wanted was to be left alone.

As if hearing my silent request, Debora tapped a bit closer, her fingers gently squeezing my shoulder as she reassured she'd be back in a few to check up on me. All the while, I felt my stomach churn like my mind did.

Unable to focus on a single thought as they flitted around in my head, bouncing around so my focus jumped from one to another.

She's only trying to help, yet I'm being so rude to her... Maybe I should go out and do something, if only to make her happy.

Wow, I do sound like a sulking teen. I'm so pathetic, a waste of space really....I'm sure that David would've dealt with this a lot better than I ever can. He'd muster the courage to go through this, while I'm just a quitter.

Thomas the quitter...that sounds about right. Gods, Why did I have to survive this mess? If I had been the one to die, things would've been so much better. My mom and dad would be pleased, as they'd no longer had a faggot for a son that shamed them wherever they went.

Mr. and Mrs. Brown would still have their son, who would actually find someone worthy to marry and spent the rest of his live with. Someone who'd stand up for themselves and carry his own weight around.

My eyes flitted around the room, glancing back as I heard the nurses bustling activity through the hallways, laughing and chattering.

I wouldn't be a burden to these people. I realized, blinking slowly as I looked back down at my hands and my leg. A soft blanket had been draped over my leg, hiding my missing limb from view and was carefully tucked in underneath me.

All these people are working around the clock to help people who actually need help. They don't need me wasting their time and resources while they could actually help someone who'd be worth saving...

What was I going to do in life? Even with David, we had plans that he would work while I'd be the caretaker. I'd do the household, stay at home and welcome him back with food and love.

I nearly snorted at myself. That sounds as pathetic as I felt at the moment. It made me wonder what David ever saw in me. Hell, no wonder my parents tried to beat me when I confessed on loving David. They were probably trying to save his hide as well...

The sound of plastic tapping on the floor made me frown before looking up. A colorful plastic ball bounced through the hallway and tapped against my open door, the odd angle causing it to fly in my room and slowly roll to a halt beside my chair.

A quiet huff escaped me as I leaned down as far as I could, my fingertips barely grazing the ball before I gave up. Shoes patted closer before pausing and I looked up. A blonde little kid was standing in the doorway, her eyes focused on the ball next to my chair before she blinked up at me and grinned.

"Ball?" She uttered, her l spoken so softly it almost wasn't there. I glanced back down at the ball against my chair before looking over as she pointed, shifting her weight the slightest bit. I felt too tired to deal with a kid, but I also didn't want her to start crying and making a racket for not getting her toy back.

"If you want it, you'll have to get it yourself. I can't reach that far." I croaked, clearing my throat as I could hear the rasp in my voice. She didn't react at first, tilting her head slightly before making grabbing motions with a single hand. That's when I noticed that her right hand wasn't actually her physical hand but a prosthetic.

"Mine..." She whined slightly, dribbling over in that cute toddler way that made you wonder when exactly they were going to trip over their own feet. I reached down, trying to grab the ball once more but only managed to slightly touch it before I gave up.

By then the kid had already made her way over, leaning over awkwardly to grab the ball. It was obvious she knew she couldn't grab it with her right hand but she did use the prosthetic to support her weight.

When she stood back up, she had the ball balanced between her body and the prosthetic, her eyes searching my face before going down to the wheelchair. Her fingers twitched before she awkwardly pressed the ball closer to her so she could make one hand free to pet over the wheel.

A smile twitched on my lips as she jolted the seat a bit in her attempt to turn the wheel around before I softly warned her and demonstrated how it worked as I rolled an inch or two forwards. She instantly giggled, toddling over beside me before surprising me as she actually tried to wriggle herself on my lap.

"Gracie!"

The toddler looked up at the woman's voice and smiled, uttering a bunch of gibberish as the woman, presumably her mom, apologized profusely while she came into the room. "I'm so sorry, I turn my head for one second and she disappeared. I hope she didn't bother you."

"Not at all." I reassured the distressed mother and watched in amusement as the child seemed to ignore the conversation, instead choosing to bounce her ball all around my room. "Gracie, no honey, you can only play in your room."

I observed, feeling the tightness in my chest loosen its coils a bit as the mother chased her daughter around while the kid crowed and laughed like crazy until she sought refuge in my lap. She easily maneuvered herself between the footrests of my chair but paused when her hand didn't land on two sets of legs but one.

"Oh my goodness, I'm so, so sorry." The woman kept uttering apologies and lifted the kid out of my lap, but I just shook my head while letting out a shaky breath. "Say bye now Gracie, its time to go." The blushing mother spoke and I snorted softly as the kid clenched her chubby fist a few times.

"Bubye!"

Silence filled the room after they left but for once my thoughts weren't filled with darkness and self-loathing. Instead I pondered on the little girl and how she didn't seem to care she lost her arm. Instead, she had brightened up my day more than she'd ever realize.