Say Something...

Burden

---Tommy's POV---

My fingers twitched in my lap when the alarm rang, reminding me and the nurses that I needed my daily dose of medication. After my last meltdown, Nicolai had instructed the nurses that I was to be put on antidepressants, one pill each day until I was able to manage on my own.

And then he had left.

They tried to be subtle about it but I could still see right through their attempts. For whatever reason, Debora had slowly taken over Nicolai's visits and even if he visited, he was all strict and professional. Not at all the warmth and safety he had exuded when he comforted me.

But can you blame him?

I shook my head at myself, knowing that the thought was right. I couldn't blame Nicolai at all. After seeing me break down, having to be knocked out to calm down, I wouldn't want to interact with me either. Hell, if I were in his place, I'd give me a straightjacket and lock me away in some deep, dark hole where nobody would find me.

You're so pathetic Thomas. David is barely in his grave and the first man that shows you a hint of friendliness, you clamp onto like he's your salvation.

I swallowed, a tear rolling down my cheeks and dripping in my lap as I turned my wheelchair around, making sure nobody could see my face. I had already made an embarrassment of myself when I had thrown a fit in the dining room.

And now I was clinging onto a doctor who only wanted to nurse me back to health. My delusional mind had made me think that he genuinely felt something for me, or maybe I had quickly tried to fill this hole that David had left behind...

Sought to replace him...

Whore.

I flinched at the thought, more tears leaking out as I tried my best to stifle the quiet sobs, to not draw any more unwanted attention towards me. A shaking hand pressed against my lips, my stomach churning and throat aching as I tried to swallow down the hysteria that bubbled up inside me.

"Here we are, another dose of your pills. " Debora's voice chirped as she tapped into the room, giving me barely enough time to rub the back of my hand over my face and regain my composure.

I wouldn't let her see how weak I was.

Her fingers tapped against mine, one hand holding the tiny, insignificant pill that meant to help me, the other a cup of clear water. I accepted both, forcing myself to swallow the pill down, even as bile burned in my throat as the voices sneered and hissed at me.

You're such a burden. Look at you, having to be drugged to handle your life.

I glanced up as I returned the cup to Debora, glancing and observing her eyes to see if I could detect any sign of frustration, any malice or annoyance aimed my way. But there was none; her brown eyes sparked with warmth, maybe a hint of pity or compassion.

Or maybe she's really good at hiding how she really feels...

My shoulders dipped at the thought and I swore I could see Debora's lips twitch for a second, as if fighting back a grimace.

You see? Even she doesn't like you. What's the point of struggling against your fate? Why hold on when it's so much easier for the people around you, if you just gave up and let them have their peace?

"Do you want me to bring you a book or one of those puzzles?" Debora asked gently, her nails rubbing through my hair as she eyed me worriedly. I just shook my head as I rolled towards my bed, locking the chair in position as I made to crawl on with the intention to lie down and sleep the day away.