Way Back Home

Spring Day

How much longing has to fall like snow for the spring days
to come?

The boy sat silently at the breakfast table in his grandmother's kitchen. The scrambled eggs in front of him sat nearly untouched. He wasn't hungry, but his grandmother was watching so he pushed the food around with his fork, feigning a look like he was actually eating.

For someone so young his mind was consumed with thoughts that were beyond him. Worry wrapped itself like a vice around his neck and slowly squeezed tighter. Tighter. Tighter. Until his breath came in strangled gasps and his chest burned like hellfire.

"Yoongi," his grandmother's gentle voice dragged him from his consuming thoughts. "You're not eating," she observed.

The boy set down his fork, "I'm not very hungry," his voice was barely louder than a whisper. His grandmother sighed.

"You have to eat, Yoongi. I know things are confusing right now, but it's going to be alright," her assurance didn't help.

Looking into the older woman's eyes he could tell that she too was worried. She couldn't convince him that things were going to be fine when she didn't believe it herself.

"When can I go home, Grandma?"

Her graying brows drew together as her eyes turned glassy. "Not for a while, Yoongi, I'm sorry. I know the situation is confusing to you right now, but just try to make yourself at home here. Alright?"

The young boy watched his grandmother for a moment. She held her tears back and pasted a smile on her face but he knew that she worried more than she let on. Reluctantly, he nodded. His grandmother smiled softly.

"Good," she sighed, "Why don't you go play in the backyard and I'll wash the plates."

"Okay," he slid from his chair and padded slowly through the kitchen and out into the backyard.

It was a small yard but his grandmother had worked hard to make it nice. She filled the space with multicolored flowers and trees that were currently sprouting blossoms. Yoongi wandered sluggishly down the stone path that wound amongst the plants.

It was strange to be here, at his grandmother's house. The suitcase that his dad had packed for him a couple days ago was still sitting in his new bedroom, untouched and unpacked. In it were all his clothes, and a small notebook that had been gifted by his mother, it was still untouched. He couldn't bring himself to ruin the pristine white pages with his jumbled thoughts and messy scrawl.

His breath came out in a quiet sigh as he sank down to sit on the grass, between a patch of tulips and tall shrubs. Yoongi's mind struggled to wrap around the events of the past few days.

The frantic shouts of his father that rang through the house. The screeching of sirens as the ambulance came skidding down the road. His mother's pale face as she lay limp on the kitchen floor. The medics that rushed through the house with a gurney. Following behind the ambulance, his dad's foot pushing harder and harder on the gas pedal. How his mother smiled so weakly as she lay in that hospital bed, trying to hide her pain. Both his parents breaking the news to him.

It was all too much.

He sprung to his feet. The thoughts had finally become too much and his head began pounding. Yoongi moved slowly over the stone pathway, back towards his grandmother's backdoor as he stared at his feet. He couldn't see who was coming down the path in his direction.