Fractured

Chapter 58

Chapter 58

I needed to be out in a few weeks otherwise she will kill me. 

Clare put microphones around my room. 

Luke and I need to uncover Emily's body. 

Then we need to throw the bitch that put her in the ground to jail. 

That was a lot to think about, don't you think?  However, I soon found out that we needed to keep our minds clear and calm.  To not stress.  Because we have a couple weeks.  And until then, all we had to do was wait.  Wait and entertain ourselves.  And that meant entertaining my thoughts with the constant wonder of telling Luke I love him and what that really means.

And, through the days of going to school and coming home and not really talking, I just... thought.  Ran the consequences of telling Luke in my head.  Because I know he wont deny me.  He would accept me and he loved me back.  And I took to heart all Jan has said.  She was right; I needed to take that jump.  Because I wasn't weak; I was strong if I was facing something that appeared to me as weakness in this case.  And honestly, who knows what could happen.  That was the point though.  A leap.  A jump.  And no, not suicide - even if love could end in that for the dumb asses out there. 

Anyways, along with Jan's words, came my own mind assisting to push me.  Not to mention Ramper... who I am very ashamed to say actually helped me.  And I will never repeat that again, folks.  But it was true as strange as it sounds.  And all because he was still following me around school....

One particular day in English class though, I was curious about something.  We weren't doing much besides working on homework early and I couldn't really focus.  My mind wondered... and a random thought popped into my head.  I looked up to Ramper besides me, who looked to be pouting like a baby over who knows what now.  "Hey," I said, throwing an eraser cap at him I had from my bag (even though he was a foot from me).  It hit him in the shoulder and his eyes turned to mine, looking pissed instantly.  His eyebrows dipped and eyes pierced mine, daring me to do more and it made me snort under my breath at his reaction. "Relax dude, if you need to go take a shit, just go," I said, referring to his hard face.

"What do you want?" he asked, raising a brow, looking annoyed at my comment. 

"Why did you become a cop?" I asked in a more serious manner, watching him carefully.  I mean, it was just a random question I was curious about.  It held nothing deeper than that and I've asked him random things before.  But I didn't expect it to turn into anything more than a simple explanation.

"Well, it sure wasn't to follow a crazy girl around all day in school," he muttered, sitting up more in his seat as he came to face me.  Not looking interested at all in telling me but he did anyway.  "This girl I really liked influenced me.  I would always help her out... do things for her.  Then one day she was gone.  She moved.  And I had nobody to help anymore, which basically sounds like a child's reason but that's it," he said, looking to me seriously but I could see the annoyance in his eyes come back.  While in mine, they must have grew in curiosity.

I scoffed - partially because it did sound like a kid reason to become a cop.  And partially too because it didn't make much sense with how vague it was. "What, you liked this girl, she was gone, and you needed to replace that hole in your life or whatever?" I asked, raising an eyebrow.

"Pretty much," he said.  "I never told her I cared for her.  And if I had, I'm afraid she could have still been here.  But, oh well I suppose," he said under his breath, looking annoyed at me again.  "Why do you care?" he asked and his tone demanded a tone back from me, sounding immature. 

I leaned forward and said in his same annoying voice I could to match, "I don't," I said, rolling my eyes.  But in reality... for some reason, his brief little answer he had for me didn't leave me.  It stuck with me for the rest of the day and the next few as well.  Because I realized the danger I didn't recognize before.  And that was that I can't hold out forever.  Luke shouldn't wait forever and he isn't going to want to.  He offered me his heart, and I needed to return him mine for the fact that I wanted him to have my heart.  Whether the words were scary or not....  Because he's too important to let slip away.