Fractured

Chapter 32

Chapter 32

Last night was a game changer, ladies and gents.  Everyone of you that's been half paying attention should be able to understand where I'm coming from on that.  Our situation with Clare would be different.  The public attention on me might even shift after being in that mental hospital yesterday.  And obviously, the most significant change, will be my relationship with Luke

Clearly, things last night escalated to the point of no return.  There was no more 'forgetting about it' like the other times.  I wouldn't be able to handle it, especially after I now know... that he feels for me too.  And that he pretty much admitted it to me too! 

When I woke up, Luke wasn't with me - which I wasn't sure how to feel about that.  Either way though, whether he was in bed when I woke up or not, the shock would have still been the same. I ended up just staring at my bed, processing it all still.  The image of him... the sight of him kneeling in front of me and bending down... kissing me like he had.  And oh, the feeling, his taste, his body right there was overwhelming.  Beautiful access to him.  Telling me he wouldn't stop this time... and then dragging me under the covers with him where he could hold me... kiss me, make me feel so at home. 

Taking a deep breath, I raised my eyebrows at just the memory as I laid there.  Running a hand through my hair, I cringed slightly at recalling the last thing I remembered from last night.  My stupid mistake of falling asleep while I was kissing him.  Fucking falling asleep!  What the hell is wrong with me?  I was scared he was going to stop even after he said he wouldn't.  I knew the guilt within him existed and was waiting for that to have come into effect.  And it didn't!  He kept kissing me... a first really with no interruptions.  And what do I do?  I fall asleep on the dude!  Very smooth.  Jesus, how embarrassing.  He better not back down from what we did last night because then, not only will I be hurt, I'll be seriously pissed off at myself for falling asleep and not making it last. Of course, I'm sure the heart break would dominate that, but still....

After those thoughts though, I became incredibly anxious.  Like why didn't he wake up next to me?  It's not that big of a deal, I know, but... was that suppose to mean something?  It's not like I'm am expert at this stuff.  But I did know well enough just how guilty he gets after something ignites between us.  Shared kisses in the past proved so since he seems to always run away.  I could only hope... that he meant what he said last night.  That he not only wouldn't stop, but that he can't anymore.  It made me love him in a way, just because of how good he wanted to be.  And though that would be something I'd usually laugh at, it was true.  He is incredibly fearful of his own desires. 

It's against his morals, it's against everything society teaches you.  And though the way people take it is BS, he interprets it in his own way.  He knows how wrong it is to have feelings for someone my age.  He knows he shouldn't feel anything after a very recent failed marriage.  He knows it's against the law... and that's even more hard considering the guy is a cop.  He's broken enough laws, including last night.  But I know I am in a whole other ballpark for him.  I didn't know what to expect from him today.  Whether for him to be cold to me, act as if it didn't happen, apologize and say it was nothing.... Or would I find him after I get out of bed and he would give me a kiss?  I didn't know and I was scared to find out.  I just knew I needed to. 

Taking a deep breath, I finally threw the covers off me and headed towards my door.  I forced myself to open it, not knowing what was about to happen.  Not knowing what to say to him or anything.  I just couldn't stay hiding.  Especially when I read that my clock showed it was 2:44 in the afternoon. Who knows, by now Clare could even be back.  If that was the case, shit was about to get real. 

When I checked in their room next to mine, and saw he wasn't in there sleeping, I headed towards the stairs.  Just as I began taking a couple steps down, I heard voices.  I paused, my heart going cold.  Who was that?  He was talking to someone....  Oh god, I bet it's fucking Clare.  I tried listening to make out words and I couldn't.  However, I did conclude that it sounded as if it was Luke talking to someone with a deeper voice, not that of what a woman would sound like.