From the Backseat | ON INDEFINITE HOLD

xxv | Rhys

[PLEASE READ THE ENTIRE AUTHOR'S NOTE]
R H Y S 

I hate seeing the tears in her eyes as they roll down her cheeks that are red and blotchy. For once they're not blushing, which I've come to love. She's curled into my chest, her hands clutching my shirt and my arms around her waist.

Her brother and his girlfriend left a note saying they would be home soon. We met Molly briefly in the waiting room, but Holland hasn't. Molly is nervous to meet Holland, but she shouldn't be.

"I'm tired of crying." She says. Her voice is hoarse and she keeps hiccuping. I'm tired of seeing her cry. I don't like it. I wish I could say anything that would help, but I come up blank.

"I know." I tell her, pushing some of her hair out of her face. She looks up at me and gives me a small smile.

"Don't you have to be at the gym?"

"I'm not leaving you alone."

"But, you need to train. Your fight with Miles is only three weeks from now."

I kiss her forehead. "I'll train tomorrow."

She smiles up at me and kisses me. I'll never get used to this feeling. I've kissed only a few girls before but it has never been like this.

I pull her close and wrap my arms around her waist. She pulls away and says, "Thank you."

"Anything for you."

Her eye brows furrow and she bites her bottom lip. I bring my hand up to the side of her face and use my thumb to pull her lip from her teeth. Her cheeks blush and I lean down to kiss her. Her hands travel down my chest and finger the bottom of my shirt. It makes me smile.

She pulls away first, her breaths slightly heavy. It's been a while since she's kissed anyone and that thought alone makes me smile. But the thought of Brysen doesn't. She really loved him. He was her first love. There will always be something between them, even though he's gone, that we'll never have. He got all of her firsts.

And I want all of her lasts. Her last first kiss. Her last first date. Her last first time. I want them all.

I want her to stop holding back when she second guesses if she should be happy. I see it on her face. The way she looks down and bites her lip. I can see the gears turning in her mind. She doesn't think she should be happy because he's gone.

Holland's phone keeps vibrating and each time she jumps at the sound and reaches for her phone. I know she wishes it would be someone calling to tell her that her mom is awake but she's disappointed every time. She's staring at the phone in her hands, the name Shay is in bold at the top. Her friend keeps texting her, saying how sorry she is and that she hopes she feels better. Holland makes no move to text her friend back.

"I feel guilty." She says, flopping onto her back and looking up at the ceiling.

I'm still on my side, my head propped up by my hand. My other one is draped across her stomach, my thumb tracing circles on her exposed skin. "Why?"

"They used to be my best friends. We did everything together. And ever since Brysen passed, it hasn't been the same. I haven't been the same. We used to hang out every weekend. I used to enjoy working at Ray's with them, but now I can't wait to get home and hang out with you guys. They've been there for me through everything and I'm just shutting them out."