From the Backseat | ON INDEFINITE HOLD

xxii | Rhys

R H Y S 

All I can think about is her; her face, her eyes, her voice. The way she smiled. The way she laughed. The look on her face when I would do something stupid--a mix between laughter and I told you so. The way she would spend hours with her computer screen as close as she could put it to her face as she watched movies. Mostly Harry Potter.

I think she really only liked the movies for Harry's face, and Malfoy's, and then the fact that she shared a name with Harry's mom. I guess it's only fitting that they would both die at the hand of a monster.

Lily is all I can think about when I look at Holland. I know she isn't dying. I know they only put her on a sedative to calm her down, but it ties my stomach in knots. Lily was only in the hospital for six hours that night. I would have given anything for that to have been longer. Even if it did have the same outcome.

It was Jax who found her. It was me who almost killed him.

It was late. I was supposed to have been home hours ago but I had been putting in extra hours at the gym. Lily stayed home with Ryan while I was gone. She told me she did it because she loved me but I know my mom slipped her money when I wasn't around.

I remember I was working on my kicks when the only television in the gym was turned to the news. On the right hand side of the screen was my uncle's face, his mugshot. With his cheek bones popping out of his skin and the overgrown facial hair, I barely recognized him. It was the eyes that told the truth. They're a deep brown, almost black. At the bottom of the screen, was the word escape. It might have said more but that's the only word I saw.

Jax had just started dating Andrea. They were on their very first date when I called him. I managed to get a hold of him, but I was too late. There was nothing we could do to save her. When I got there, Jax was knelt at her side and clutching her hand. I fell to the floor on her other side.

"I called 911 but I can't find Ryan," It were those words that scared me the most. Jax kept the pressure on Lily's stomach, where the most blood was coming from. I remember reaching for her hand, her eyes lazily finding mine. She gave me a bloody smile, the same one she gave me the Halloween before when she thought it would be funny. It wasn't funny then, it wasn't funny now.

We had gone as zombies. All three of us. She kept a few packets of fake blood in her back pocket and would randomly spread it around her teeth. It was an hour into the night when she was ran over by a few little kids. She fell right on her butt and the fake blood exploded on her jeans. She never let it ruin her night .

"Go," she whispered, a fierce look in her eye.

I kissed her forehead and squeezed her hand, "You hang in there Lillian, an ambulance is on its way. You're going to be just fine."

She nodded and said, "My dad," She coughs out and turns her head towards me. "He's here."

She uses her hand to point at the ceiling. I'm on my feet and taking the stairs two at a time. I can't think about my cousin lying on my floor in a puddle of her own blood. Or even that it was my uncle, her dad, who did this to her. All I can think about is my uncle, the man who killed my aunt, is upstairs with my brother.

I found him in is room, cowering in the corner, my uncle stumbling around his room. There was another beer in his hand, the liquid splashing everywhere with every jerk of his hand. He looked at my brother and stepped towards him and all I could see was red.