A Bucket List for Ella

Chapter 8

Chapter 8

                  I thought a lot about Lina that night. I thought of how she'd made me feel truly beautiful, so I crossed that off of my bucket list. I considered crossing "fall madly in love" off of my bucket list, but I didn't think I was there just yet; it was too soon.

I thought about how Lina smiled when I told her she was beautiful. Most of all, I prayed for her.

I was Catholic, though I never really considered my faith a priority until I got cancer. I prayed every night; to God, to my parents, to saints, you name it. So many stereotypes swirl around about Catholics – we go to church every day, we refer to God in every sentence, we follow every one of the Ten Commandments to a T – and they're true, for some people. Me, I just go to mass on Sundays, don't talk about God unless I'm at church, and I tend to waver from the strict list of commandments.

So that night, I prayed for Lina. I pictured her delicate hands, so thin and weak, and her sad but hopeful smile. I pictured her getting strong and well again. I knew her cancer was pretty severe, but I still had to hope for the best.

Then I suddenly, randomly thought of Nico, and that's when I really got sad. I missed having him here, even if he did poke fun at me and bugged the hell out of me. I missed his crinkly-eyed smile, and his light, happy laugh. I missed all of him, so, so much.

I hopped off of my bed and skittered out to my living area where my laptop was. It was nearing midnight in Australia, meaning that it would be almost five in Vancouver. I didn't know where Nico would be or what he would be doing, but I still had to try to Skype him.

I clicked on Nico's name and the video call started to ring.

Nico's face flashed up on the screen in front of me, and I breathed a sigh of relief.

"Nico," I squeaked.

"Ella, are you alright?" Nico asked quickly, seemingly scanning me up and down. "Isn't it like, one in the morning over there?"

"Almost midnight," I corrected him. "And I'm fine."

"Okay. So why are you calling? Not that I don't want to talk to you, it's just I'm kinda busy right now."

"I just...I miss you," I told him. "A lot."

"I miss you too Elle," Nico told me, smiling the smile I loved so much.

"I miss your hugs," I told him honestly. An unruly tear escaped my eye and ran down my cheek. I quickly wiped it away.

"Aww, Elle, don't cry," Nico said, his eyebrows creasing with worry.

"I want to go home," I blurted out.

"You are home," he told me softly.

"But I'm not happy here. If I can't see you every day, I'm not happy," I told him truthfully. I started crying harder, and I was doing that raspy gasping-for-air thing that happens when you cry for too long.

"Please don't cry Elle," Nico told me, licking his lips.

"Nico, I need a hug," I told him, gasping for air now.

"Where's Liam?" he asked soothingly.

"He's...he's...at his house I guess," I told him, now onto my stuttering phase.

"Why don't you call him, and then stay at his place for the night or something. Would that cheer you up?" he said soothingly.

"No," I replied stubbornly.

"Ella, now you're just being difficult. What do you want me to do?"

"Come visit me," I whispered.

"You know I can't do that, I – "

"I'll pay for you," I told him. "Please."

"Nico, where's the coffee?" a voice called.

"Top cupboard by the fridge," Nico called over his shoulder.

"I'm really sorry I'm disrupting you from your company," I said quietly. "Having a little shin-dig at your place?"

"Actually, no. That's my girlfriend, Shannon," Nico said nervously.

"Oh. I see. Tell her I said hi," I said, fumbling around with my shirt sleeve to wipe away a tear before turning back to Nico.

"I guess I'll talk to you later. Don't forget about me, please," I told him, trying to crack a smile.

"I won't forget," he told me. "I'll Skype you every day, okay?"

"Mmkay," I mumbled. "Love you."

"Love you too Elle. Stay safe."

"Bye," I whispered before turning off the chat.

I grabbed my car keys from their dish by the door and before heading out I checked my face in the mirror. I looked horrible; mascara ran in small streams down my face, my nose and eyes were red and puffy, and my irises were a screaming bright green color. Not attractive at all.

I pulled my car up to Liam's apartment building and took the elevator up to his floor. Quickly I knocked on Liam's door and waited. I could hear the TV blaring behind the door, so I assumed he was just relaxing around the house.

And relaxing he was. Liam opened the door, naked except for a pair of plaid pajama pants that hung loosely off his hips.

"Ella, are you alright? What's wrong?" he asked, his eyebrows furrowing.

"I don't want to be alone," I told him before wrapping my arms around his waist in a very child-like hug. Liam lifted me up off the ground and carried me inside. Nico was right – he would understand. Liam laid me down on the couch and wrapped me in a blanket. He sat beside me for a bit, holding my hand and giving it a little kiss every so often. When it got late, or later than it had been, Liam started to get up.

"I'm going to bed. Do you want to stay overnight?" he asked.

"If I can, yeah. I'm sorry to be such a burden. I just...I was feeling lonely," I told him honestly.

"Ella, you're my girlfriend for God's sakes. If you were a burden you wouldn't be," he explained. "Now do you want to sleep on the lumpy couch or in the nice, queen sized bed with the comfy mattress and fluffy duvet?"

"I'm coming," I told him. I started to get up off of the couch, but Liam picked me up wedding-style and carried me off to his room. He placed me into one side of the bed and wrapped me in the big, soft duvet.

"Thanks," I said, closing my eyes and inhaling the scent that was simply and purely Liam.

"Goodnight Ella. I love you," he said.

"Love you too," I told him.

I lay in the bed on my own for a few minutes – Liam was in the bathroom brushing his teeth. The last thing I remember before I fell asleep was Liam crawling into the other side of the bed, wrapping his arms around me and kissing me goodnight on the forehead.

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