Fried Burrito

f o u R Te e n

After today, I felt like I would never be able to look at anyone like I look at Jace. He had somehow captured me in his persona that I hadn't figured out yet from the second I unintentionally caught him in mine. 

We had been laying in the same spot of where he'd kissed me for a while. His hands were lost on the canvas of my body while mine were stuck in his hair. I traced every part of his features, not wanting to miss a detail.

My mind kept replaying the steamy kiss we had just shared and what it felt like. I had never been kissed like that but, then again, I had barely been kissed at all in my lifetime.

"Caden?" he murmured.
"Yes?"
"What are you thinking about? You're quiet."
"Nothing," I smiled because I technically was. Nothing bad was going through my head so I didn't count it as the kind of thinking he wanted to know about.
"I hope you aren't regretting our kiss."
"I'm not. Our kiss was great."
"Really?"
"Yes. I can't even find the words to describe it."
"Is that supposed to be a good thing or a bad thing?"
"It's a good thing," I said while sitting up to face him. He had a weird look on his face. "Is there something you want to say?"
"No.. I'm just stuck in my head, that's all."
"What do you mean?" 

He sat up to meet me halfway as he rested his hand on my thigh. 

"I'm not used to this."
"Used to what?"
"I don't know how to say it."
"Well try."
"Try? I can't."
"You're not making any sense."
"I know," he grunted. "You're just different."
"Everyone is different."
"I know but that's not what I meant. I meant that you're different in a way that it's hard to understand."
"I thought you said you could read me like an open book."
"At times I can but, with what just happened I don't know where we stand."
"Jace..." The awkwardness that bubbled inside of me had created a tense atmosphere between us with the question we both knew was coming but alas, I knew I had to ask anyway. "Are you asking me to define our relationship?"

He stopped squirming across from me and stared me dead in the eyes.
"Yes."
"Are you kidding me?" I chuckled before it transformed into a full-on, knee-slapping, laugh.
"What's so funny?"
"Jace... We've only been on one date the whole time we've known each other and we've only kissed once! Like ten minutes ago to be exact. Why are you rushing this?"
"Well,  I just thought that..."

My eyebrows furrowed in confusion as I became aware of the trail his hands left on my jeans, before it settled on my inner thigh, next to my zipper. I couldn't let him finish his sentence. I felt sick to my stomach and I instantly became angry with myself for allowing myself to kiss him for so long. His body had gotten stiff and his eyes were suddenly stuck on the floor. 

Had he actually tried to lock me into having sex with him? After one kiss?

"What the hell is wrong with you?" I threw his hands off of me and stood up quickly, seeing as I was overwhelmed with rage and confusion.

"What are you talking about?" 

"You must think I'm stupid. After all those conversations I've had with you about guys only wanting me for my body, you turn around and end up being just like the rest!" I yelled as I stormed out up the stairs to the nearest room.

"Caden-" he started but his voice was cut off by the slamming of the door. "Caden, will you listen to me?"
"No."
"At least stop jumping to conclusions."
"Are you deaf? I said I'm not going to listen to you, so don't tell me what to do!"

There was silence for a few seconds before I heard his body slide down the length of the door.

"Look... The real reason I was asking you to define what we have is that I just don't want to lose you. Usually, after I kiss a girl, I'm able to tell if they want to be with me or if they want to leave. With you, it seemed like both to me and I don't know why."

I opened the door to look at him and he quickly stood up. I let him walk into the room so he could continue expressing himself.
"Please elaborate on why you feel that way."
"Geez Caden, I get that you're annoyed but can you not make feel like my feelings are stupid?"
 I blushed out of embarrassment and nodded my head at him to go on. "I'm sorry, the floor is yours."

"You were so quiet during our kiss... you didn't moan my name, you didn't grab me like you didn't want it to stop, you barely cracked a smile when I pulled away but when I kissed you, I could feel your heartbeat of control and how shaky your knees were... You could barely breathe correctly."

How had he noticed all those things with one kiss when I haven't even noticed that I did that myself?

"That's the only reason why I asked you what I asked you. I'm not here just for sex or anything like that, no matter what you keep telling yourself, Caden. You know that I don't want to hurt you but, I can't sit here and ignore the chances of me being the one who gets hurt instead."

To say I was embarrassed and felt like an idiot was an understatement. He had completely poured his heart out to me all over a kiss. My previous accusation of him made me burn with guilt for thinking of him so poorly. He was just as scared as I was and he wanted to make sure that I wanted to make it work. What more could I ask for?

The least I could do was be honest.

"Jace," I said while moving to sit next to him. "I-"  can't believe I'm about to say this out loud. "I like you, okay? I've tried my hardest to stop myself but no matter what I did, I always found myself thinking of you."

I lifted his chin to softly gaze into his eyes. 

"I let you kiss me because I was tired of stressing about what if's and being scared... I want to go through everything with you. I want to get to know you and I want to let you get to know me." 

Jace's body noticeably tensed down as I awkwardly smiled at him. 

"What?" I asked once he started grinning like a fool.

"I can't believe you like me."

"I can't believe you like me." 

His beautiful smile filled my vision once more before he moved to rest his head on mine.

"I like you," he whispered.

"I like you too," I replied softly.

He then closed the space between us and with one kiss, threw out all of the previous tension that once resided with us. The essence of this kiss was different. It wasn't sexual or rushed, it was slow, innocent, and really good in a way. 

I liked good.