sauve-moi || Brallon

chapter three || copains

tw// this whole chapter includes a lot of self hate/mentions of eating disorders/self harm/suicide. please do not read if these topics can cause you to do something reckless and dangerous. message me if you want a non triggering summary of this chapter or if you just wanna talk. stay alive.

Dallons POV//

"Hmmm.... Is there something you guys aren't telling us?" I hear Kenny say as I wake up from sleeping with Brendon on the couch.

"Um,no." I stutter, "I just fell asleep-"

"Yeah... on Brendon!" Dan jokes.

"Oh don't worry we're just teasing you, Dal." Kenny says.

"Who said this wasn't real?" Brendon jokes as he wakes up from his sleep.

Eventually, Kenny and Dan leave Brendon and I alone so we can hopefully talk about last night. I'm not sure if it is even something I want to bring up. I told him that I'm gay which was scary enough to do but then he kissed me! I realized that I was overthinking and decided to take a break from my thoughts. I looked at Brendon who was just smiling at me.

"What's up with you?" I tease Brendon.

"You're cute when you're thinking." Brendon says and winks.

"You flirt!" I play-scream. "Aren't you straight, though?"

"That is up to personal audience interpretation."

"Alright..."

"Okay, well come on, Dallon." Brendon said. "I'm going to go check out the venue for tonight."

"Okay, I'll just stay." I say, trying to assure Brendon that I'll be okay on my own for a few hours.

As soon I was alone, I began to explore the darkest places in my brain. Now you may be thinking, 'well that's stupid. don't you want to be happy?'. The thing is that my depression has become apart of me now and somehow I find comfort in listening to the negativity. My scars were reminders of my worst so I never think too highly of myself, my lack of appetite tells me that other people aren't as privileged and I shouldn't spoil myself, and my demons let me know how I'm doing each day.

I got up to go to the bathroom to do my usual task that distracts my brain. My head has been out of control lately. The only thing that can give me control is if I do the damage myself. I open my usual cabinet and open the familiar tin box. I get the sharpest blade out of the three and cut some x's and lines on my arms and legs.

Suddenly I hear the bus door open and I close the box as quick as I can. I toss on the sweatshirt I had been wearing before and flush the toilet to make it seem like I had just gone to the bathroom. I open the door and see that it's Brendon who had entered the bus.

"Oh, Hey Dal!" Brendon said, smiling. "You all good?"

"Yeah, dude!" I lied.

"Alright, well you should come check out the venue with me. We're gonna soundcheck soon."

"Okay, Just uh.. let me fix my hair."

"Whatever, Beauty Queen."

I walk over to the bathroom to make sure everything is hidden and to try to cover up my cuts a bit more. I make sure that my jacket doesn't have any blood stains on it and that my blades are nowhere to be found. I walk out of the bus with Brendon and we take a golfcart to the stage.

The crew had already set up our instruments so all we had to do was play. I used my favorite bass, the orange one, to play through a shortened version of our setlist.