Smiles Hide Secrets

Darkness too

“Uh, I,” I try to get the words out, but they just won’t. I swallow the fear, gripping onto Harry for dear life. My eyes shut tightly, reliving the night. “He, I- He took me to the pub, and we got into an argument, I think, I don’t, I don’t know.”

“Shhh, shh, baby you are doing great,” Harry sweetly whispers in my ear, only for me to hear. “C’mon you can do it, princess.”

I have to do it; I can’t hide away forever.

“I just, I’m sorry, I can’t, I don’t remember, I’ve blocked out so much from that night. I remember him, he dragged me out. I was tripping and falling, trying to walk in my pumps.”

Flashes and images pass through my head at record speed, making my head spin and my breathing to hitch.

“Alley, he took me to an alley and he dragged me in a, I don’t know what it was. A room. There were other two men, they, they asked me if I wanted to play. It smelled horrible in there. It was vile. I said I didn’t want to play. I was so scared, oh god, I was so scared.”

“Then, then, it happened. They raped me.”

Sobs rip thorough my body, my eyes shut tighter and my hand fly up to my hair to pull it, but I keep going—scared, scared that if I stop I won’t finish.

“The pain, the pain was awful. It hurt, it hurt so much. I kept thinking, ‘How are they going to tell Dylan I died?’ I was so sure I was going to die. It was like a broken record, I couldn’t take the thought of death out of my mind. I become untouchable, an object of pity and disgust, a mess that no one wants to clean up, or something fragile that no one wants to hold for fear of breaking it, I was shattered. Except Harry and Louis.”

“I, I tried to, I tried to take my life. I was so depressed, repulsed by myself. Harry and Louis, they saved me, and there is no way I can repay them for that.” I look at his green glossy eyes, making my heart break even more, “I was in a very dark place, I started smoking, and it was just a dark place overall. And I’m so sorry you’ve had to deal with me like this. I’m so sorry. I’m really sorry, so sorry. I, I was so scared to tell you. I thought you would all hate me.”

I look at Dylan, “I’m so sorry, I thought I’d loose you, you are the one person in my life I can not afford to loose. I’d loose myself too. I’m so sorry Dylan, please, please forgive me, please." 

I squirm out of Harry’s hold and stand up, needing to hug him. I need to. I need to know he doesn’t hate me.

But he flinches, he looks at me with an unreadable expression and that’s all it takes for me to fall to the floor sobbing. I beg for forgiveness, of all of them but mainly Dylan, “I’m sorry, I’m sorry, I’m so sorry, I- I know I don’t deserve you, but p-please.”

I rock back and forth, in a complete emotional breakdown, feeling myself fall into this hole. This dark, empty, long hole. I start loosing myself.

But then he catches me; Dylan wraps his strong arms around me. He pulls me back from the pit, in which I would’ve drowned in darkness. He cries on my shoulder, pulling me on his lap and rocking me back and forth.

“I forgive you, just- please never hide anything from me again. Please.” He pleads, and I find myself nodding. Nodding for my life. I wrap my arms around his neck, a mix of a laugh and a cry escaping my body.  

I take a look around. Harry smiles at me with an overjoyed grin of pure pride, then his lips mouth an ‘I Love You’. Louis smiles at me through his tears, giving me a thumbs up. Niall nods at me, a small smile playing across his lips. Zayn and Liam have similar reaction to Niall. My brothers, they sit in shock, but after some minutes, I see them coming to their senses.

“I do whish I had known about this, but I suppose there was no way.” Nick smiles sadly at the floor, a few tears leaking out. “I’m so proud of you, I’m so proud of who I basically raised. Delilah, you are the strongest person I know and I admire you.”

Luke clears his throat causing my eyes to shift to his slumped figure, “You know, I am part of the reason for your hard times. But I love you, and I’m so sorry Delilah. I failed you as a brother, but I will make it up to you.”

I know I still have to face the twins, Caspar, and Tyler, but I also know that they’ll forgive me. My eyes travel across the faces one more time, and I smile and cry at the same time, overwhelmed by a rush of feelings.

Happiness, and a sense of relief, ruling above them all. Yes, darkness too, but I know I have people to help me navigate it.

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*Spliff- slang for weed in the UK

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It’s a really short chapter, not my best, forgive me for that. So, the book is coming to an end. Only a couple of chapters left.

I’m making a question and answer video, ABOUT THE BOOK, so comment any questions or comments you still have! Or anything you’d like me to talk about during the video. From cast to plot okay? Okay.

Read my new fanfic Monsters and give me feedback the trailer is gonna be on the side, ily guyS DID YOU KNOW AHA.

NOW COMMENT B4 I HUNT U MOTHA FUCKING ASS BYE. And vote TOO AND FAN

Next chapter up within the next couple of days!