Last Christmas ~ Bill Kaulitz

Nine

After that, everything went back to how it was before. I stayed at Flynn's house, Sophie would visit us everyday and the two would try and coax me out of my room. But I didn't want to have to face the world. I didn't have to bother about anything inside the four walls of my room. 

I still hadn't told anyone about what Bill and I had talked about, or about what had happened. No one asked me, so it didn't really matter. I just wanted to forget about everything and slip off into a better world, where Bill and I had never even met. I'd be happy then. Once all those memories had gone, everything would be better.

Part of me still wanted to go back, to when I knew what I wanted, back to when everything was alright. Back to when my future was set with Bill. But I guess that'd be impossible now. I'd never loved anyone more than I'd loved Bill, and I'd probably never love anyone that much ever again.

It was all a waist now, I always knew it was pointless to put my trust in anyone. I should have listened to myself.

I hadn't slept for days. It was impossible to sleep with all the images of Bill rushing through my mind every time I closed my eyes. They weren't bad things, they were all the happy things we'd done together. All the times he subconsciously pulled me closer in his sleep, and when he would whisper things to me then place a kiss below my ear. All the lazy hours we'd spent together on the beach, watching the sun set.

That's what made it worse. I could only remember the good things about Bill, things that made me fall for him. I could never remember anything bad.

Well, I could remember the way he had screamed at me, his cheeks going red, but all that didn't seem as big in comparison to all the good things he'd done for me.

I refused to take off the necklace he gave me, apart from when I showered. Flynn and Sophie didn't know about that either. They had seemed to forget that I had gotten something. Or maybe they were just ignoring it, so that I wouldn't be reminded of him.

Before I knew it, it was Christmas morning, and I was sat in between two of Sophie's brothers, 'enjoying' a huge meal with her family like I did most years. And like most years, everyone but me was happy, laughing, having a great time.

Every now and then I'd notice someone looking over at me, only for a few seconds, their expression changing to one of worry or sympathy.

Sophie's brothers, Dylan and John I think they were called, kept trying to cheer me up and involve me in the conversation, by asking me questions, but I didn't have much to say. I spent most of my time just sitting there, staring blankly down at my half empty plate, wishing I could go home.

The day wore on slowly. Once lunch was over everyone took a seat in the front room, handed out presents, opened the presents, had tea and coffee and cake. I stayed quiet, leaving my gifts unopened in a bag. I'd probably end up giving them to Flynn or sell them or something.

"Hey Holly, how you doing?" Flynn asked, sitting down beside me, swirling something in his cup.

I lent against him, sighing heavily. "What are you drinking?"

He frowned, leaning his head against mine, "Not sure. It's nice though." He reached his hand down, slipping it into mine. "You didn't answer my question."

"I don't know, I'm kinda tired. Can we go soon?"

"Of course hun. I was thinking of heading home soon, I'd rather spend my evening with you." he kissed my hand, rubbing my knuckles with his thumb. His phone started ringing. "I better answer that, back in a second." He got up, striding into the hallway to get a little more peace, giving me a smile.

Once he finished talking to whoever had called, which took quite a lot longer than I expected, he went over to Sohpie, having a quiet conversation with her. They both came over to me, still talking in hushed voices.