Last Christmas ~ Bill Kaulitz

Eight

I stared blankly out at the grey world passing by as Sophie drove myself and Flynn down to Bill's house the next day. She knew exactly where to go, having come to visit me multiple times when I was still dating Bill. 

That felt like a long time ago, dating Bill. It was only about two weeks ago, but to me it felt like years had passed. It was crazy. All that time spent with Bill seemed like it had only taken a day, despite it being almost a year; it didn't seem nearly as long as the time spent without him.

But that's the thing about relationships, you've got to cherish every last second with them, because eventually they're going to be gone. And you're never going to to get them back, no matter how hard you try. If you do, it just won't be the same.

That's probably what scared me the most; the fact that if we did manage to work things out, would it be like it was before? Would we stay up late just talking to each other in the dark? Would we watch old kids movies and find them romantic? Would we make pointless plans over breakfast to travel the world and never leave each other's side? Would we still love each other?

The car's engine silenced, coming to a halt in a side road. Bill's house was just on the other side of some trees that were keeping us hidden. This was it.

"Do I really have to do this?" I asked meekly, my heart already starting to thud in my chest. It was beating so hard that I was afraid it would burst right out my ribs and start hopping about on the floor. 

Sophie patted my knee, giving me a reassuring smile. "Holl, I know you can do it. I'll go down there with you, okay?"

I sighed, nodding, even though I knew it wouldn't really help. There had to be something that would prevent me from having to go and talk to him. Last night I had been really eager to go, to just find out how he was. But now we were actually here I just wanted to go home and go to bed.

"What if he's busy though? I mean, it'd be awful to intrude if he's got guests round. Maybe we should come back another time." I suggested hopefully.

Flynn laughed at me, leaning forwards, resting his arms on the two seats in front of him. "Holly, hun, what's gonna happen if we do go away and come back, hm? What if he's busy the next time we come?"

"We go away and never bother again." I muttered, folding my arms.

Sophie pulled the keys out of the ignition, sliding them into her coat pocket. "Well that won't happen, we're not leaving until you and speak to him." She told me, adding, "If you don't you're gonna regret it forever. I know what you're like."

After a little while longer, I was finally encouraged to get out the car, Sophie coming with me, neatening my hair as we walked through the thick snow, towards Bill's house.

"Crap, it's freezing." Sophie breathed, shaking the powdery white snow from her boots.

I tightly hugged my arms, glaring down at my outfit. "I wish I'd worn something nicer. I look like a fucking two year old."

Sophie frowned at me. She had helped me choose my outfit, and thought I looked lovely, though I was pretty sure she only did it because she wanted practice before her baby came. If it were up to her, she'd spend all day dressing me and Flynn up like toddlers to get perfect outfits for her 'little bundle of joy'.

We stopped at the top of the drive way, looking down at Bill's large house. I had never understood why Bill and Tom got such a large house and monster-sized cars, they didn't need it, it was all just a lonely waste of space.

"Go on then, good luck." Sophie nudged me with her elbow, but I couldn't move.

It was funny. I could picture myself walking down past the two giant cars, taking hold of the shiny silver knocker and calmly handing him the present when he answered, but I couldn't actually do it. I couldn't move.