Last Christmas ~ Bill Kaulitz

Seven

"Who do you need to buy things for then Holl?" Sophie asked, blowing on her fingers to warm them.

I looked up at her, rubbing my arms in a feeble attempt to warm up. "Oh, just people. It's nothing big, just little extras." I shrugged.

It was snowing heavily as we trudged down the road towards Sophie's shop, little snow fakes blustering around us in a flurry. Water had already seeped into my shoes, and over my back. I was thoroughly frozen.

When we reached the shop, Sophie pulled out her keys, fumbling with them to get the right one.

"No matter how much I love snow, I hate how cold it is." She muttered, slotting the key into the door,  her breath clouding.

"I'm pretty sure snow has to be cold to stay as snow." I retorted, hopping from one foot to the other to try and get the feeling back in my toes. "If it was any warmer, it'd be rain."

She gave me a skeptical look, finally getting the door unlocked and letting me in. A hot blast hit me the moment I stepped through the door. Sophie always left the heating on in the winter so that the shop would be warm from the second she stepped through the door.

I hadn't been back to Sophie's shop for ages. Since leaving my job I simply hadn't needed to. It was still the same as usual though. Warm and welcoming, Christmas decorations up over the walls and in the windows, the pictures of all the workers past and present on the wall.

Everyone was there, everyone except from Shane, but he had been taken down long ago. Everyone looked so different from the last time I'd seen them. Sophie and Flynn looked incredibly different. Sophie looked so much younger, it was taken five, maybe six years ago, when she had just started the business. Flynn looked ridiculous. I think that's what drew me to him originally, he was funny and weird, and stood out from the crowd. A complete opposite from boring old me.

Of course my image was still up. Happy, smiling me, looking about three years younger than I did now. Completely oblivious of what would happen to me. Its so stupid to think that I could've been that happy once.

Sophie noticed me looking at it. "I have to say, you really have changed a lot." she murmured, nodding towards the photo. "You were so quiet when I first met you. How time flies, 'ay?"

"Yeah." I sighed, looking around at the familiar place. "It feels so weird to be here without a name badge on." I started ambling slowly around the shop, looking carefully for something I could buy.

She giggled, patting me on the back. "I have no idea what that would feel like. This place owns me." she paused, slipping off her coat. "Do you want me to dry your shoes on the radiator? It'd be nicer than walking around in damp ones."

I accepted her offer, quickly unlacing my shoes, giving her my coat too, which she hung up over the little heater.

It was so great to be back. I really did love working in this place. Yes it was small, and yes we hardly ever got customers, but it was a nice, calm place to be. It was our safe place, away from the snow, and the rain, and anything else the world would throw at us. It was as if we were in our own little box, just watching the worlds pass us by.

Sophie started making some strange noises from the back room."I'll put on the kettle. I think we both need warming up." She called to me, "Tea or coffee?"

"Either, I'm not fussed." I replied, starting to slowly amble around the shop in search of something.

I hadn't been entirely truthful with Sophie. I did need a present, but only for Bill. The necklace he had given me had made me think, what if he missed me too? He must have gone to a lot of effort to find one exactly like the one I lost, that had to mean that he was at least thinking about me. It wasn't like you found things from tiny little jewellery shops in the middle of America in the centre of Berlin. He had gone looking for this, he had thought about it.

But what if this meant goodbye? What if the necklace was meant to say that he was moving on, that he was sorry, but we were never going to work this out. I would never know if I didn't go to see him, getting him a Christmas present would give me a reason to go to his house.

I was so obsessed in my thoughts that I didn't notice when Sophie came back in. She gently tapped me on the shoulder, making me jump.

"Who exactly are you getting things for?" She asked, giggling slightly as she holding out a spotty blue mug. "I'm sure your mum would love that." she pointed at a necklace in a display case.

Accepting the mug I shrugged, opening one of the cases and taking out one of the broaches. If I told her I was getting something for Bill she'd freak out and demand that I didn't have to do anything, and that I was just going to provoke him. I wasn't going to let her stop me.

She looked at the broach I was holding, a little frown on her face, "I think Flynn would like that."

"Sure," I nodded, taking a sip of whatever she had given me. "Uh, this is disgusting! When are you gonna get that coffee machine fixed?"

About six months after I started working here the coffee machine stopped working properly, never enough that we thought to get a new one, but whatever it was that it spat out every day, it wasn't nice.

Sophie shrugged, resting her hand on her stomach. "I keep asking Andrew to come down and sort it out, he said he would. Maybe he'll come when it's not that cold." she put her own mug down on the shop counter. "I might just buy a new one, they can't be too expensive, right?"

I spent about twenty minutes going back and forth through the shop, picking different things and taking them back, choosing my favourites and placing them on the counter, before rushing back to find more.

Sophie watched me all the while, staring at me from her seat behind the counter. "It's a good job we're not getting any customers, they wouldn't be able to buy anything with you making such a mess." she commented, "How much longer are you gonna be?"

Without replying, I continued with what I was doing, placing a old, dirty pocket watch and a decorative belt buckle on the counter. Why did it have to be so difficult to just pick something? We had lived together for a year, surely I should've just known what to get the moment I saw it.

"You don't usually spend this much effort on Christmas gifts. You don't usually spend this much effort on anything. What's gotten into you?" she asked, giving me a suspicious frown. "You seriously don't need to spend so much time on it."

Had she figured it out? Had she realized that I wasn't searching for something for Flynn, that it was for Bill? Was there much point in trying to hide it? Sophie was usually pretty good at figuring out when she was being lied to.

"Soph, can I tell you something?" I asked quietly, looking down at my hands.

"Sure thing, what's up?"

I sighed, biting the inside of my lip. "I already sent my mum everything for Christmas."

Sophie stayed quite for quite a while, rubbing the ring on her finger, a slight frown on her face. She had told me multiple times to forget about Bill, that it would do me good to move on with my life. But I couldn't help it. Bill was my whole world, it wasn't like I could just forget about him.

I couldn't tell if she was going to be angry at me. She didn't look angry, but she also didn't look calm. Sophie didn't usually get angry, but then again, neither did Bill.

"I'm sure he'd like that one." She murmured, picking up the pocket watch. "It's his style." She held it out to me, a little smile on her face. "You should probably clean it first, i'm sure Flynn will have something that'd work."

"Thanks." I sighed, smiling back at her, taking the pocket watch.

She got up, resting her hand on her stomach, starting to walk into the back. Pausing, she turned back to me. "I'll take you down to his place tomorrow, okay?"