Last Christmas ~ Bill Kaulitz

Five

"Holly, babe, we're gonna have so much fun together you're gonna completely forget about what's-his-face. Yeah?" Flynn grinned, reaching out and hugging me. "It'll be great us living together. Me and you, we're a right pair."

I smiled, pulling out his arms and looking around his apartment. It wasn't particularly big, but it was big enough for the two of us. Modern, with a simplistic painting theme, probably still the same from when he bought it. Most of the furniture and fittings would be the same too. Flynn didn't care much about what his apartment looked like, just as long as there was food in the fridge, something to sleep on and something strong to drink, then he was happy.

Flynn frowned at me for a few moments, watching me closely, before saying; "Your room's just around the corner, it's the closed door, next to the bathroom."

He had a spare room because he had bought the house when he was going out with some guy, thinking they'd be together forever, but they quickly found problems with each other. Flynn had called me up one night saying that they had split up, he had gone home and found this guy butt naked, fucking a random stranger on Flynn's bed. He slept on his couch for the next week, until he could buy two new beds, one for his room and one for his spare one.

"Thanks." I murmured, getting my bag and going where he had told me.

Flynn would be more help in getting me over Bill than anyone else. He understood what is was like to have someone destroy your entire world.

I laid down on the bed, staring up at the ceiling. Despite how much he had hurt me, I still missed Bill like hell. I'd do anything to be beside him again, curled up together in bed. Oh, how I longed to be with him, cuddled up in front of the TV, watching one of his favourite cheesy romantic films, giggling as he quoted the cutest lines to me.

We were so madly in love, and it all went wrong so quickly. I couldn't believe that I'd ever let myself get so reliant on one person, that I could be completely destroyed by them.

Squeezing my eyes tight shut, I rolled over, burying my head in the pillow, trying to muffle my sobs.

"Holly, are you ok?" Flynn looked around the door frame, a concerned look on his face.

I shook my head. There wasn't much point pretending that I hadn't been crying, my eyes would be red and my makeup would be smeared all over my cheeks. Plus I hadn't done well in quietening my wails.

He came over and lay beside me, a sympathetic look on his face. "Wanna tell me what's wrong?" he slid his hand into mine, squeezing it reassuringly. "I don't like to see you so sad."

"I still love him Flynn, I can't think of anything but how much I love him. Sophie said he made a mistake and would call, but he hasn't. He hates me, doesn't he? Why does he have to hate me?" I stammered.

Pulling me into a tight hug, he rested my head down on his chest, gently patting my back. "He doesn't hate you Holly, I promise. He loves you, it's impossible to not notice how much he adores you," he kissed my forehead, still hugging me reassuringly, "Holly you two just had a little blip, that happens. But he's not just going to forget about you, you've been together what? A year now? He wont hate you after being with you that long. Sophie is right, he'll realize how stupid he was and beg you to come home. I would."

It was kind of him to look out for me like he was doing, but I just couldn't believe that Bill still loved me, I had really pissed him off. It's difficult to love people to annoy you. "But you didn't see how angry he was. He never gets that angry. Not at anyone."

"Well," he paused, pulling back a little, placing his hand on my waist, "You still love him yes? And he hurt you. There's pretty much nothing worse he could do than hurt you, and you still love him. People get in bad moods all the time, but they don't stop loving who they love. I promise, he loves you."

I didn't really want him to stay with me, part of me just wanted to be alone with my thoughts. But then again, I was grateful that I had him to cuddle me tightly.

He was like my brother, in a way, if me and my actual brother had ever gotten along. More like the brother I always wished I could have. He put up with me, listening to me cry and whine about Bill and how I wished I could've just shut up about my stupid problems.

The day wore on, and Flynn eventually got distracted and left me in my room. He still worked with Sophie in the shop, and the two of them were still looking for my replacement. I had been begged over and over again to go back, because they couldn't find anyone, but every time I had passed the chance because I had thought I would've been with Bill forever. Maybe now I should just go back, it wasn't like Bill would ever take me back now.

Flynn crept into the room, giving me a smile. "Hey Holly, some of the guys are going out tonight, and I agreed I'd go with them. Do you wanna come? It might take your mind off you-know-who." He offered, resting his hand on his hip.

"I'm fine, thanks. You go out and have some fun." I told him, shaking my head. The last thing I wanted was to spend the evening in a stuffy club full of Flynn's drunk friends. 

"You sure? I don't want to leave you here on your own." he asked worriedly. "I don't want anything to happen to you."

I gave him a smile, trying to look as cheerful as possible. "I'll be fine, I'm just too tired to go out tonight. Maybe next time."

He sighed, nodding. "Call me if you need anything, i'll see you later." he slowly shut the door behind him as he left.

Maybe I should just go back to Bill, and beg him to forgive me. It couldn't be any worse than this. I could never ask him to take me back, but if I just new that he didn't hate me, then maybe I could get on with life a little easier.  I just wished that I was brave enough to confront him.

Half of me wondered what exactly he was doing without me, half of me didn't care and wanted to block everything about him out my mind. He was probably doing much better than I was. He was still at home and had Tom. He'd be just fine without me.

Deep down I knew I wasn't entirely to blame for this, Bill didn't have to yell at me, and he certainly didn't have to send me out. But I knew he would never even consider talking to me if I didn't go to him first. He didn't like having to face things when he was wrong, so it was entirely up to me.

The faster I got things together, and sorted everything out with Bill, the sooner I could get my life back on tract. I couldn't't stay with Flynn forever, I'd eventually have to find my own place again, but for now his spare room was more than enough. I could go back and work for Sophie again, maybe then I'd meet someone new and maybe I could figure out how to be happy.