Leave it be (My street x Reader)

#19 What I Deserve

Trigger warning in this chapter! I will tell you when!!
Laurence pov:

I felt sun streaming down into my face. I opened my eyes then yawned before starting to sit up. I looked over towards y/n sleeping bag then smiled until I realized it was empty. My eyes instantly shot widened in horror.

"W-were is s-she?" I then looked towards the couch and that's when my jaw dropped.

"What the hell!" I yelled extremely loud to the point were I woke everyone up.

"What's going on?" I heard y/n ask.

"Why don't you tell me, I mean us!" Everyone started to see what I was getting at. On the couch was Gene with his arm wrapped around y/n and y/n leaning on his shoulder well she was.

Y/n pov:
I was angry wait no I was fricken pissed off. I had woken up to Laurence screaming at the top of his lungs then asking for an explanation about why I was sleeping n ft to Gene.

"Nothing is going on and besides it's non of your business!" I could see that he was getting a little more angry.

"Of course it's my business! I see you sleeping with this Jack ass an-" before he could finish I interrupted him.

"Excuse me? The only JACK-ASS in this room is you!"

"WELL AT LEAST IM NOT A BITCH WHO SLEEPS WITH ANY GUY SHE SEES!"

I felt tears swell up in my eyes. How dare Laurence say that to me? He hardly even knows me! I was about to stand up for myself until Gene walked up to Laurence and punched him right in the jaw.

"GET THE HELL OUT AND NEVER CALL A GIRL THAT ESPECIALLY Y/N CAUSE YOU KNOW THATS EVEN REMOTELY TRUE!" With that Laurence ran out holding his jaw.

Genes pov:

"Are you sure your okay spending another night?" Katelyn asked with Lucinda, Travis and Sasha behind her.

"Yeah my parents hardly even know I exist." They all nodded and left closing the door behind them. I then walked upstairs towards y/n's room were she was sitting on the bed looking st her hands.

"Hey I'm staying the night." She just slowly nodded still looking at her hands.

"Listen y/n what Laurence said wasn't true I don't think he even meant it, I mean he's always had a bad temper."

"I don't blame him I mean after all it is true I'm just a bitch who is mean and stupid and something that should be left outside to die." I was so surprised by what she said I grabbed her hand.

"You don't really think that do you? I mean only Laurence thinks that and he didn't even mean it."

"No I've always thought about it, I guess Laurence was just the last straw.."  y/n continued looking down at her hands. I felt so shocked to the point were I couldn't speak. She then whipped the tear from her eye and looked at me.

"S-sorry I'm just being stupid oh and um my sister is coming home tonight so you can just leave I'll be fine." I looked at her wig squinted eyes. I don't blame her I would want to be alone after that but I wasn't sure.

"Are you sure?" She nodded smiling which made me feel better. I then got up and left.

Y/n pov (trigger warning)
I heard the door close indicating that Gene had left. I sat there heavily breathing, I wish Olivia was coming back tonight but in reality she's never coming back I mean she probably already started a new life without me. Good on her though who would want to be tied down with someone like me after all I'm worthless.

I started to breath heavy as I felt tears drop down my face. I laid back down on my bed and looked up at the ceiling.

I'm nothing. I'm a loser who no one likes. Why can't I just die already? Why can't I have never been born? WHY did I have to go through the worst childhood why me, why me? I feel like I'm in a hole and the only way to get out is if I hold my breath. If I hold it for one second I can still see if I hold it for two I can still feel the sweat on my palms, if I hold it for three I can still see the dark dirt walls of this endless tunnel I'm going through, if I hold it for four I can still hear the kids having fun outside of this hole I'm in. If I hold it four five I can still feel the tears drop down my ugly face. If I hold it for six I can start to block out the sound of kids having fun knowing that I will never be able to join them since I'm stuck in this whole. If I hold it for seven my vision will start to go away so I don't have to see the bare walls that reflect what my life is . If I hold it for eight I can stop feeling the sweat in the palms of my hands that I get every day. If I hold it for 9 my legs will start giving out just like my thoughts on living and finally if I hold it for 10 I can hit the cold bare ground were I belong. Then if I hold it for 11 I can finally leave the whole, leave the dark whole of hell were I try to escape from everyday but always end up staying since I can't seem to do anything right. I'm worthless, I'm nothing I'm dead.

I sat up and opened my bedside drawer were I found my craft supplies. In it I found a pair of blue small scissors. I grabbed them then held out my arm. I scraped them against my skin not wanting it to hurt to much. I then pressed a little harder. Each cut I made got deeper and deeper. Each cut I made, made me closer to more and more pain. Each cut I made, made me feel more and more reliefs but yet I felt more and more worthless and sad. I looked up to my ceiling and smiled. This is what I deserve, I deserve pain, I deserve to be alone always alone. I finally put down the scissors. I went into bathroom and dipped my foot into the cold bath water I had prepared for me earlier. I layed down in it as I felt the cold water hug my clothes. I then put my head under until I felt darkness seep over me. But Before I could pass out I came up for a breath. I deserve to feel the worst pain. And the worst pain is living.

This is what I deserve.

So yea this chapter was so hard for me to write. I was crying while writing this because it was so hard for me to do.
This chapter was mainly meant to focus on mental illness and how important it is. If you see anyone anyone ever thinking about hurting there selves or others please please help them or get them help :)