It's Been Killing Me ➢ Camren

XXIII: A Hard Decision

"My song caught his attention. Although, I never saw him last Sunday, he was somewhere watching me pour all my emotions out into the song. A few hours ago he told me that he was entranced by my music. The song made me connect with the audience. He told me that he liked when I sang 'Bout You' the most." I said. The green-eyed beauty tilted her head in confusion.

"What are you trying to tell me?"

"What I'm trying to tell you is that you were the inspiration for the songs that I write. If I never dated you, my songs would probably be horrible because you're not there. Haven't you noticed almost half of my songs are about you?" I laughed, reaching out to stroke her cheeks lovingly. She blushed deep red, hiding away her face from me so that I wouldn't be able to see her blushing face.

I laughed, leaving a kiss on her cheeks, lingering there for a moment before pulling back. "Is that true?" Lauren looked at me, not believing that I meant so much to her. Her eyes looked at me with hope. She hoped that I wasn't lying to her just because I'm trying to comfort her. "There you go underestimating yourself again. I already told you that you don't have to feel less of yourself." I sighed and grazed her cheekbones with my thumb. Smiling happily, Lauren moved her head, her lips grazing against my hand affectionately.

Do you ever have that nights when you feel like you can't fall asleep because someone is always on your mind? When you feel like you can't think straight as the thoughts keep playing in your mind, keeping you from falling asleep. The thoughts slowly invade your mind. I don't know if it's either insomnia or my mind is just way too lively at night.

Sighing in frustration, I turn to my side facing the blank wall. I kept turning as I try to fall asleep. My mind was too occupied by the green-eyed beauty for me to fall asleep peacefully. It was completely useless. It has only been seven months since and I'm still thinking about her even though I was the one who gave up. But I'm over her aren't I? I'm supposed to be over her because it's been seven months since. Yes, I should be over her.

But why is she still in my mind?

She left such an impact in my life that I can never remember a moment where I never thought of her. I couldn't tell whether I still loved her or just missed the connection we had back then. I keep trying to convince myself that I just missed the connection that we had. If only I can express myself in a way that no one may suspect a thing.

Groaning in frustration, I sat up from the bed fast. I leaned onto my elbows, tilting my head upwards to look at the ceiling. I tilt my head to the side and checked the time, only to groan in annoyance once more when I noticed it was 2:30 by now. I rubbed my face with my hands, trying to get myself to relax. It was still no use. Defeated, I stood up instead and walked towards the window. I opened the curtains and let the moonlight illuminate the dark room.

I searched for something to keep myself entertained seeing that I can never fall asleep nowadays. Looking around the room, my eyes landed on the keyboard that was just laying down beside my bed. My face lit up in excitement and I scrambled to get it. Smiling happily, I sat down on the carpet with my back against the bed, the piano resting on my thighs.

I played a few notes, just trying to keep myself entertained with the tunes that I'm producing. And it was as if my fingers automatically played the tune that I wrote a few days ago. I wasn't aware of it when my fingers easily glided on the keys. I was distracted, and my mind was too focused with the music.

  "Pulling out the driveway
Looking in the rearview
Taken for a moment
Thinking that I saw you

As I throw this stranger a stare
Feel your fingers run through my hair
And I know that I shouldn't care
I shouldn't care"