Games We Play

19: Kiss Chase

Games We Play

"Some of us get dipped in flat, some in satin, some in gloss...." He turned to me. "But every once in awhile, you find someone who's iridescent, and when you do, nothing will ever compare."

― Wendelin Van Draanen, Flipped

19: Kiss Chase

After my birthday, everything around me went back to normal again, as if nothing had ever happened. Of course, something had happened. I'd lost my brother, been publicly humiliated by him and saved again from the humiliation by Armin.   

People were talking about it. I didn't blame them. I couldn't stop thinking about it.

I couldn't stop thinking about it and then remembering another flash of memory, from months ago, of being in a car with Caius and Damien and driving hopelessly around the empty roads. I remembered that moment fondly time and time again. It was right before Armin had entered my life and just before Ales and Damien would seemingly exit it. It seemed strange to me how my memories seemed like they were from another lifetime. It almost felt like I didn't remember even belonging in that life.

I tried to recapture that feeling in my head - being friends with Ales and listening to her life, being close to Damien and talking forever, hanging out with Caius on the field, living like there was no bigger problem than my test the next block. Suddenly, all of that had been taken away from me.

I told myself that maybe this was growing up. Maybe having secrets and slowly falling apart from the people you were the closest to, even your family, was all part of this big milestone of life that no one had told me about.

Nevertheless, I didn't expect it. I didn't think this was what my last year of high school was going to be about. I didn't think I'd have to learn what it meant to feel so alone, beside the same people who'd kept me company all my life. I didn't realize growing up had to mean growing apart.

I thought about everything miserably late at night, after dinner, brushing the manes of all the horses in the stables. It was dark outside and even Calvin had left but I felt at peace in the stables, even if it were so late. It seemed like the only constant I had after everything had changed this year. It was the only reminder of my old self.

"Dixie?" a young girl's voice called out. I turned and noticed Irene, one of the freshmen on my newly created girls' polo team.

"Oh, hi Irene," I smiled while still combing through the mane of a horse. "What are you doing here so late?"

"I just forgot something at practice earlier today here," she said. "Why are you still here? Everything okay?"

"Yeah, just school work stress that I wanted to take my mind off," I brushed off with a smile. "You're lucky you're not a senior just yet."

"I know," she laughed. "Practice was really great today by the way."

"Thanks," I smiled back. "The turn out to these practices is really turning out better than I expected. It's crazy."

"I know. It's great we're filling up fast. I think we can definitely play a few games before the year ends," she enthusiastically said.

"I've already contacted King's and Winston's to let them know if they'd be up for it. It'd be a bit of a stretch to improve that fast so quickly but I'm willing to give it a shot."

"You should ask Armin! He practically transformed the guys' polo team from zero to winners in like weeks against King's. I don't know how he did it but it was crazy. Did you see the match?" she eagerly asked.