1D Preferences

Eating Disorder

Niall: You weren’t the skinniest girl in the world and you knew that. You had gotten called names and you grew to hate yourself. The hate from twitter added up. No matter how much their words hurt you, you couldn’t stop reading it. Niall was on tour at the moment so you felt like now was the perfect time to loose weight and surprise him. It started off with three little meals a day, then it went down to two, then one, then snacks, then nothing. The pounds were falling off and you loved it. You didn’t realize what you were doing to yourself. You had hips, and a collarbone, and a thigh gap. You felt beautiful and worthy to be with Niall. The sickness consumed you and there was no way of getting out. You had passed out a few times, but no pain no gain right? When you went to go pick up Niall at the airport you were confident until the stares became more then you had ever gotten before you lost the weight. You saw the points and whispers. You wrapped your arms around yourself and proceeded to the lads gate. Just as the guys got out of the plane you saw the oh so familiar silver confetti. You tried to shake it out of you vision but that didn’t work. You saw the look of concern on Niall’s face and you tried to wave it off. You felt yourself suddenly sink to the ground. Before you hit the ground soft, yet calloused hands caught you. You grabbed onto Niall and the last thing you heard was his beautiful Irish accent saying, “Why (Y/N)? Why did you do this to yourself?” You tried to respond but darkness claimed you. 

Zayn: You didn’t have many friends at Uni and you were often the target of humiliation. You had never really cared how you looked because you always had the attitude that if people can like you at your worst then they deserve your best. One day you were in the bathroom redoing your hair when a group of girls came up. They chatted with you for a few minutes but when they were about to leave one girl came up to you. “You might want to shed a few. Zayn doesn’t like a dough boy or dough girl I should say.” She grabbed your waist and pinched some skin pulling it out slightly. She and her friends sauntered out of the bathroom, leaving you there feeling horrible. You pressed your palms to your eyes, refusing to cry. You decided to skip the rest of the day and you drove back to the flat you shared with Zayn. Once you got home you ran upstairs to the bedroom you shared and stood in front of the full length mirror. You stared at yourself in your bagged sweater and jeans. You quickly stripped out of your jeans and sweater leaving you standing there in a tank top and underwear. You didn’t hear Zayn came in so he caught you in the act. He stayed in the doorway to see what was going on. You pinched your stomach and sighed. “God I am a dough girl.” This time you couldn’t stop them, the tears began to fall. You pounded your first on the door and screamed, “Stop crying you idiot!” Zayn then came in and pulled you into a hug. “Don’t do this to yourself, (Y/N). You’re beautiful and I love you.” You continued to cry while Zayn rocked you back and forth whispering everything he loved about you. 

Liam: It’s as if Liam has this hate radar. It’s like he can sense when it’s getting to much for you. He’ll hug you and kiss you and tell you all these sweet things. You can’t help but fall in love with him all over again. But he isn’t there when you’re at work. You were a model and you loved it. You were the perfect size and you didn’t worry about anything. That is until your boss came up to you and said you were getting fat and you had to slim down for a job in a couple weeks. You immediately felt self-conscience and began your slim down right away. You decided to eat healthy and work out. You thought you were making great process, but your boss didn’t. He threatened to move you to plus size and you’d lose the next job you had. You needed to quicken the weight loss and you didn’t know how. The idea to not eat at all dawned on you, but you knew the consequences were severe. You figured you wouldn’t let it come down to putting your health in danger. What you didn’t realize is that you were the moment you skipped the first meal. It was hard at first, but then it became addictive. You figured out all kinds of tricks to make people think you were eating, but Liam was the only one to see right through your wall of lies. At the end of dinner he wrapped his arms around you waist and said, “You didn’t eat anything, (Y/N).” “Yes I did,” you defended. Liam shook his head. “No you didn’t. I’ve been watching you these past few week and I called your boss and he told me everything. You’re quitting that job. If they’re going to make you put your health in danger I’m not letting you go.” “I’m fine Li,” you said slightly annoyed. “No you aren’t” he said sitting you down at the table. He walked into the kitchen and returned with half a PB&J sandwich. “Eat it” he said. You shook your head. “There my point is proven.” You felt the tears and Liam automatically felt bad. “Babe you were perfect before. Don’t you realize you are killing yourself? Please stop.” “I can’t Liam. It’s like a drug. I need to do this!” you cried. He pulled you into him and whispered 7 words. “I’m going to help you, I promise.” You grabbed onto him tighter, scared for the long hard journey ahead. 

Harry: After the baby you knew you had a little baby weight to loose, but you figured you’d take your time. Harry loved you and that was all that mattered. Until you went to the market. As you were checking out you saw you were on the front cover. Being Harry Styles wife you were kind of used to it. But the headline shocked you. ‘Styles going to be a dad again?’ A picture of you walking with your baby in your arms and Harry beside you was displayed on the front. Your lower abdomen was circled and you could clearly see the baby weight. You shoved the magazine back in the stand and quickly checked out. You got in the car and slammed the door shut. You turned on the radio and the perfect song for the moment was on, Little Things. You blocked the whole song out until you heard Harry sing” You still have to squeeze into your jeans” You looked down at your thighs and saw how large the actually were. You looked away, disgusted. You drove home and put the groceries away. You walked into your living room and laid on the floor. “1…2…3” you said counting the sit ups. When Harry came home he asked one question that shattered you,    ”Are you pregnant babe?” He knew it was a risky question, but he too had seen the magazine. “No,” you spat. “I’m just fat.” “You’re not..” “Don’t say it Styles.” you growled. “No I’m going to say it (Y/N). I didn’t ask because I think you’re fat I asked because I want another baby. I think you’re beautiful and perfect and I love you. I know we just had a baby, but I want another, (Y/N). I love how you glow when you’re pregnant. And all the crazy cravings you have. I love everything about, but most of all I love knowing that we made something amazing.” After his little rant he ran his hands through his curls and sat on the floor next to you. You two didn’t say anything, but he grabbed your hand and you laid your head on his chest. At that moment you didn’t need words for comfort, you needed him. 

Louis- You stood in front of the mirror in just your underwear. Your eyes trailed your body, only noticing all the fat. But in reality, all you were was a walking skeleton. You were diagnosed with anorexia about a year ago, before you had met Louis. Once the two of you hit it off, you seemed to get a bit better and for a while you had completely forgotten about it. It was when Louis left for tour, everything came flooding back in. The fans began leaving hateful tweets telling you that no amount of starvation could make you thin. Even your own family told you that you could afford to lose some weight. So once he was gone, you sunk back into your old habits. You barely ate a meal a day and only drank water. You would go to the gym three times a day sometimes, or some days you would just go for hours. Soon enough, you started to lose weight again. You found yourself unable to stay awake for long or not being able to sleep at all. You would walk past the bakery, temptation at its highest, but you wouldn’t give in. So now here you were. Louis had arrived home yesterday and he could see something was wrong but he didn’t confront you. Right now, the mirror was your worst enemy. “I knew something was different about you,” a voice spoke up from behind you. You looked into his blue eyes through the mirror, afraid of making eye contact with him. He looked sad, angry, hurt… “Louis, I…” You trailed off, not able to find the right words. He walked up behind you, wrapping his arms around your bony hips. “I want you to tell me what you see…” he said softly. “Just tell me what you see in the mirror.” “I-I see fat… I see a hopeless person who can’t control what she does anymore. I see flaws all over the place. My skin isn’t nice, my thighs are gross, my eyes don’t sparkle… My stomach is too big, my hair isn’t nice…” You could’ve continued but Louis had started to cry. You couldn’t bare seeing him cry because of you. “You feel that way about yourself…” he said, less of a question and more of a statement. You turned your body so that it was now facing him.“I can’t help it Lou… Even my own family tells me that I’m not good enough.” “(Y/N), listen to me okay? You’re aren’t fat, you were never fat. You look so fragile and I’m scared that if I hold you too tight, you’ll fall apart. (Y/N)… I love everything about you and regardless of what you say, I’ll always love you. This,” he gestured to your frail body. “Isn’t okay. You’re sick. But I’m here to help you get better. You’ll never have to go through anything alone, okay? Will you try for me?” Hesitantly you nodded your head. “Good, because I want you to realize that you don’t need to be stick thin to be beautiful.”You leaned into his chest, closing your eyes. “I love you so much Lou.” “I love you with all my heart (Y/N), we’re going to get you better.”