Oh, Angel. (1)

Chapter 28: Say something

"That's what the voices in your head are for, to get you through the silent parts." 

[H.]

Numb.

I feel nothing, I watch as she packs her things after she shouted at me and I just let her. I stopped watching her and I went downstairs. I almost wish I felt the pain that I would beg her to stay. I think the reason why I'm not is because I know eventually if I begged hard enough she would stay. Someway, somehow I did this for her. In my own fucked up way, I was saving her.

I knew at this point I had to choose between the two, Lucy or Mia. Maybe just maybe if I told Mia sooner I could have both but I can't now. Because, Mia now has doubts and feels insecure when I'm somewhere without her. I would be toxic for her and I couldn't be the father I want to be if I'm with Mia. 

I love her, with all my heart but I couldn't have her. 

I hear her come down the stairs and I sigh watching her walk right past the kitchen. I couldn't think of what to say, so I didn't say anything at all.

She turns her head when she realizes I've been in the room starring at her.  She just looks back at me, she's crying now. I can see the tears on her cheeks glisten from the light in the room. I can just tell by the way she's looking at me that she wants me to beg her to stay. That she's looking for any clarification that I would even want that.

It is taking every fibre in my body to not stop her, to not grab her hand as I plead on my knees for her not to leave me. I haven't felt this way since Emma but, I fear if I keep her in my life right now I would only bring her heart break. So I stand here just watching her heart bleed out in front of me as I lock mine up far, far away.

She opens the coat closet and grabs the coat I remember I got her.

-

"Harry no, you've got to be joking!"

"What? I think it's nice." I say as I look myself in the mirror as I try on a tan jacket that has a bit of floral designs on the arms.

Mia giggles and raises her eyebrows at me. "Darling, sweetheart, baby. I am almost certain that's a women's jacket."

"Don't assume genders Mia." I scowl at her, I see a lady with a name tag and smile "Excuse me miss ? Is this a women's jacket? "

She looks at me and nods. "Yes that would be our limited floral jacket in the women's section." 

I frown and I hear Mia laugh louder. "Oh don't laugh too hard Mia, I am buying this coat. For you, and you have to wear it or else I'll be upset."

She smiles and nods "I never said I didn't like it, I think it would look better on me anyways."

I gasp "You always have to insult me."

"You're right I do." She says smirking

I pout and she walks over then plants a kiss on my lips. "Oh hush, you know I love you."

-

I regret never saying it back to her, she never pressured me to nor did she ever get upset when I didn't. I'm brought back to my thoughts when I see Mia is all dressed and she's picking up her duffle bag off the floor swinging the strap over her arm.

"Say something." I almost think I hear her whisper.

But I don't say a word, and she doesn't look back as she opens the door walking out. I watch her walk down the steps quickly as if she's afraid she might look back.

"I love you too Angel." I whisper to myself as I watch her drive off, until her headlights disappear out of my vision. 

.

"Daddy! Where's my nana ?" 

I look over at Lucy and she's starring at me wide with her bright green eyes. I hadn't noticed I was still holding the banana that I peeled for her. I smile softly and hand her the banana. She smiles wide as she takes it jogging off back to the living room for her tv shows.

"What's wrong ?" 

I look up to see Emma starring at me as she leans against the counter, I shake my head as I wipe the counter from the bit of milk I spilt when I missed my mug. "I'm fine."

"Harry, it's me you're talking to." She says as she walks over to me and rests her hand on my arm.

"She left me." I say closing my eyes.

"Mia? Why wou-"

"I didn't try and stop her. I just stood their watching her, it hurts so much. It hurts so much more watching and knowing they're leaving, instead of coming home finding them gone." I say 

Emma sighs "Go chase after her, call her. Go on, I can get a babysitter." 

I shake my head, "I can't, I chose Lucy."

"What do you mean chose Lucy? Was Mia angry about Lucy? She made you choose?" Emma asks 

I shake my head again. "No Emma, that's the thing about her. She's just like you, she chose for me, she didn't give a chance to work it out. She just decided I was best without her, and it hurt her that I kept it from her."

"Harry I'm sorry.. I didn't mean to ruin things. I was just warming up the idea of you seeing Lucy that bringing in Mia. It scared me.. I-"

"Emma." I say sternly and I look at her. "I said I'm fine."

She nods and grabs herself her purse that's on the counter. "I'll see you at 4." She says as she leaves me in the kitchen.

I sigh out as I finally feel it. I finally feel the pain that I was avoiding, I felt so numb before it scared me even more. It feels like my heart has been torn out of my chest and I am slowly bleeding out. I cry and I let myself break, for once in a long time I let myself hurt.

"Daddy..?"

I look down to see Lucy pouting and she has her hands up wanting me to pick her up.

"You okay?" She asks as I pick her up and she touches my wet cheeks, I lean into her hand.

"I'm alright love."

"But you crying ?"

"I am." I say nodding, "Daddy's heart hurts."

"Take Lucy's heart, so Daddy's heart get bettah" She says as she lays her hand on my chest on the wrong side. I smile softly.

"Oh darling, if only it were that simple." I say as I kiss her forehead and hold her close, closing my eyes.