Fourth Birth: An Oakmont Story

Chapter 17

The next morning, I was already awake when she got up. I didn't want her to worry about me any more than she already did, so I decided not to shower until after she was gone. Once she left, I grabbed my things and headed for the shower to perform my morning ritual.

The water was as hot as I could get it, my new normal, and I scrubbed furiously since I hadn't for several days. By the time I finally picked myself up from the shower floor, forcing myself to return to the world, I was bleeding in several places. I did manage to avoid the area where I now had staples in my chest. When I left the shower, I was shocked to see Mrs. Wilde on the bench where my stuff was.

"I heard that you were doing that to yourself," she said, looking me over. I guess Aliyah had told her about my showers. "Melanie, if I could arrange someone to come talk to you, would you talk to them instead of me?"

"No, ma'am," I replied.

"Melanie, you won't heal until you talk about it," she said.

"I'm not going to live long enough for it to make a difference," I replied, making her look at me very unhappily, but not like she was mad. It was more like she was worried, or maybe sad. I actually felt bad that I said that, especially since I was fairly certain it wasn't true. She didn't deserve that, regardless of the fact that she was one of them.

"I'm sorry, Mrs. Wilde. That was mean of me," I said, looking down at my hands.

"Melanie, I know you're hurting inside and I just want to help. I understand why you don't trust me or anyone else here, but you need help."

"I don't want help. I just want to go home, but I can never go home again," I replied, barely able to stop the tears from coming, as much as I fought it and as much as my emotions seemed to have gone away. Of course, my anger was always there, even though all of the others seemed gone.

I quickly got dressed as she watched, not saying anything else while I did. When I was done, I sat down and put my socks and shoes on. Once done with that, she slid over and wrapped an arm around me, "Melanie, I wish I could give that to you. If I thought it would help and I could, I would."

"Mrs. Wilde, as smart as you are, you don't know much. Momma's and Daddy's are the ones that should be there for kids that are hurt or sick, and I'm both. But I think it's even too late for them. I'm lost and there's no one that can find me anymore," I said, standing up and walking out, leaving her there looking at me.

I went back to my room, getting my stuff and heading to English, totally missing breakfast. I got to class very early, heading straight to my seat. I was supposed to be in a wheelchair, but I forgot and now that I remembered it, I didn't really care.

"Melanie, what are you doing here so early?" Mrs. Schmoltz asked, also coming early.

"I didn't have anything else to do, and didn't want to sit in my room," I replied, then realized how I had spoken. "I am sorry, Mrs. Schmoltz. I did not—," I started to apologize.

"Don't worry about it Melanie," she began, very deliberately using a contraction. "I shouldn't have punished you the way I did when you first came into this class. Don't tell the other kids, but I made a mistake and I realize that. I'm very sorry," she said.

I wasn't sure how to respond, so I sat quietly. "Would you be willing to help me?" she asked, thankfully changing the subject. She had an odd look on her face, as well.

"Yes, ma'am," I replied.

"I would like you to help me grade the tests from Friday."

"I am not sure I should."