Where She's Been

Chapter 35

And what if my health is in jeopardy soon in the future because I only have one...? I can't put this family through another loss, even if it's just me.

I feel like the slightest sadness after this would break them...

Especially Bridget.

I look over at her.

She hasn't stopped crying. I didn't know someone could have so many tears... And I've cried a lot.

I walk over to her and grab her hand.

She turns to face me and tries to smile... But she can't... She can't... So she buries her face in my chest instead. Her chest heaves and she shakes.

I can't believe I can still feel....

My heart is in shreds, how can I be hurting any more than I already have?

The shreds are just being stomped on I guess...

I'm overwhelmed with hurt for her. For the fact that I'm not sure she's ever forgiven herself for what happened to Lacy that caused the family to miss two years of her life. It wasn't her fault in the least of course... But I'm not sure she believes that.

"I'm sorry," I whisper.

She whips her head back to look me in the eye so fast that I jump a little.

"For what?" she asks, shaking her head in disbelief.

"That what I did for her ended up being so useless..." I choke out.

"Gen," she whispers in what seems to be utter shock.

"Gen, ask anyone here. One more day with her is worth... Everything! More than all the gold in the world. By what you did you gave us four more  months of moments worth the world. And honey, for that we will never be able to thank you."

My eyes well up again, against my will.

"I just wanted be some sort of hero I guess," I sniff.

"You were! You are!" she pushes.

Suddenly, Lacy stirs and lets out a raspy cough.

Everyone in the room jerks their attention to the fragile-yet... immensely strong little girl on the hospital gown.

The cough racks her body and she wheezes and shakes.

Feeling the heartache in the room suffocate me, I fall to my knees at the side of her bed.

"Lace? Lace, I'm sorry, I'm sorry it wasn't enough," I sob.

Lacy wheezes in and out. She whines a little but can't seem to form words anymore.

But finally, she does speak. The room goes eerily quiet so as to hear her voice, which hardly qualifies as a whisper, it's so quiet.

"I hope you guys know how much you all taught me. Now please don't cry... My friend Lily is a beautiful angel now and-she's here now to take me to Heaven. I love you all... And I'll miss you... So very much..."

Mrs. T clings to her husband and cries, "No! No, please!"

Bridget's breathing becomes short as she shakes her head and begs her, "Hold on. Just hold on baby..."

I take one of her little hands and pray she forgives me. I feel her grasp my hand back with all the love she's ever felt...

Her breathing begins to seem more and more stained.

Then... She slowly raises her other hand up and smiles...

Confused, through my blurry vision I try to understand what she's smiling at but... I can't...

"Thank you, Lily," she whispers.

The hand in the air closes into a tight, yet gentle fist.

The heart monitor flatlines...

The hand I'm holding goes limp and her arm drops... But remains closed in a fist...

As if... As if she had grabbed an angel's hand to be led into Heaven and... Let go of mine... Because her body never gave her the life she deserved... And she had finally let go of earth... Even though it will never be fair.

Everyone in the room cries silent tears.

Bridget comes up and puts her arms around me from behind.

I can feel her shaking violently...

Our sister... No... No... She can't be gone.

Suddenly I feel like my body is just giving out. I collapse into Bridget's lap, sobbing...

"Why couldn't I have done more?" I cry.

"You-did-all you possibly-could," Bridget cries. "Just-one-more day with her was worth more than could-ever be described. And you gave us-four more months.

This-this is why we-are thankful-for her and for-what you did-for her. Because-she was such an incredible gift-that-that the pain we'll feel for the rest of our lives-is worth it..."

I know it's true... I believe each word she says... But it doesn't make today and easier... And I'm afraid of what the future holds.

Yet, the love this little girl showed on her short life will forever be an inspiration to me. This will never be fair and I will never understand why...

I guess I just have to learn to be strong for the family I still have here.

Slowly, I push myself off of the floor.

I nearly crack right away as I look at her still form. Slowly, I kiss her little forward and find a way to pray,

Thank you God... Thank you for the gift of her life. Thank you for the angel you sent to take her to you. Please bring her into your Kingdom soon. Please... Help us find strength...

So... I'll be honest I avoided writing this chapter for a while because it's just SOOOOOOO sad... I promise I have a moral I hope to get across in the chapters I have left:)And there's still a lot to be discussed actually. Genevieve has a lot of family things still to be worked out... Which is terrible in the given circumstances. Anyway I LOVE YOU ALL!!! Thanks for all your support and please don't hate me too much🙃😂😉❤