I manage to get a hold of myself and just have a relaxed, fun chat with Josie.
Well, somewhat relaxed.
"Wait let me get this straight. You haven't been living with the Tolias this whole time?"
I laugh. "Noooope."
"You were just... Out on the streets??"
"Yeeeeppp."
Josie stares at me wide eyed. "You're a walking miracle; it's official."
"Well, I mean, the Children's Hospital eventually let me use their showers every now and then so th-"
"CHILDREN'S HOSPITAL?" she cuts in. "What does that have to do with anything???"
I throw back my head laughing. "A lot, actually."
She adjusts her position so that she's on her stomach with her chin in her hands. "Continue."
I laugh again and shake my head. "That's a looooonnnnng story."
"We have all day," she replies with a shrug.
I absentmindedly grab my stomach, thinking of the part of me that's now in Lacy. The whole, long, crazy story comes flooding back. "No, it's like a looooooooooooooooOOOOnnng story," I insist.
"And we have aaaaaaaaaaaaAAAAlll day," she teases. "Come on, I wanna hear."
I sigh. Josie bounces a little. "Ppllleeeeeasssse?" she begs.
"Ohhhh.... Fine," I give in. Josie gets a triumphant look on her face and plops herself on the pillows. I face her and start with a question.
"So you've met... Lacy and Bridget... Right?"
"I mean, I was introduced to all of them, yeah."
"Ok." I nod and try to think of where to start. "I... I found a lot of joy in volunteering at the children's hospital that's... A little ways down from here," I start. Josie stares, waiting for me to go on.
"Lacy was one of the patients there. Sick with leukemia. But the Tolias didn't know beca-"
"GEN!"
I whip my head around to find Mrs. T in the doorway, frantic. Her phone is in one of her hands. I am barely able to see Aunt Cassie behind her. The color is gone from both of their faces.
"Gen..." Mrs. T chokes out. "Gen, Greg called. We have to go to the hospital. Everyone else is already waiting there." A single tear falls down her cheek.
"What?" I whisper. "Why?"
"Something..." She shivers. "Something's wrong with Lacy, the school called our home phone and Greg called us, she started to struggle breathing I don't know what's wrong but we have to go." She spits all the words out without a single break.
"No..." I plead. Josie hesitantly hugs me from behind. I barely notice she's there. Her arms slowly come off of me and Mrs. T gently pulls me off the bed. In a daze, I force my legs forward.
It's coming back. No... The cancer can't come back...
Mrs. T's rushed goodbye to Aunt Cassie sounds distant, other worldly. It feels like I'm practically being dragged to the car.
The car? We don't have our car... But I'm in some car... Guess we borrowed Aunt Cassie's... What does it matter?
I tenderly rub my stomach again, thinking of the stitches that hold together both Lacy and I.
I can't do this. Not now. Not ever. Losing Lacy would put me over the edge.
No! Quit that! Quit acting like she's in there because she's dying! They just have to make sure everything's ok... It's just a check up... Yeah...
I stink at lying to myself.
Before I know it, we're in the parking lot of the hospital. "Come on honey," Mrs. T gently beckons.
For a moment I just sit in the car, staring. And then, it's like my brain finally woke up. My senses sharpen, and the tears start to spill. I jump out of the car and run through the front doors without even waiting for Mrs. T.
I notice I'm breathing really loudly. Strands of hair have fallen out of my braid and are hanging around my face, making me look wild.
Bridget, the twins, and Liam spot me the moment I burst through those doors.
"Oh Gen," Bridget cries. Tears slip down her own face as she comes up to me and wraps her arms around me. I'm stiff at first, but then I completely melt in her arms and start bawling.
"Sssh, sssh," Bridget whispers shakily through her own tears. "It might be nothing, Gen. Don't cry."
Though my vision is blurry, I can see Michelle with Liam in her lap, staring at her hands. Megan is staring out the window. Mr. T is staring at me.
I feel a large hand on my shoulder. I push away from Bridget and wipe my eyes. Turning around, I see Luke looking at me solemnly. I don't say a word. I just throw myself at him. He holds me close. He even lifts me off my feet. I wrap my legs around his torso, not caring who sees.
Luke is like... Well he's like the older brother I never knew...
"She's a fighter baby," he whispers. "Lacy won't let this cancer beat her."
I pray he's right.
___________________
It's not long before the doctor comes out to give us a report. I'm sitting in between Bridget and Megan. The others are all lined up on the row of chairs across from us.
Dr. walks in and looks around at all of us. He sighs heavily. "She's ok for now. But... She's... relapsed."
I suck in my breath. Bridget reaches over and rubs circles on my back.
"I'm not... Umm... I don't want to give you any of that 'we think she'll live this long'... Junk," he laughs awkwardly to fill the silence. "She... She's stronger than she looks. There's a... chance she'll beat it..." He shakes his head and pinches the bridge of his nose. "We have her hooked up to a machine that's helping her breath. Breathing should return to normal soon and she can be free of that..." he continues.
I swallow hard. He's trying to sound optimistic. But there's something about the way he's saying everything that leaves me uneasy.
"We're going to ask you to leave her be for today. You can see her tomorrow. We'll have more information then too." He pauses before ending with, "I'm so sorry." And he walks briskly away.
I can't lose Lacy again... I can't... I can't... I can't...
"Gen?"
"Snap out of it, Gen!"
I'm panting like someone who just ran a marathon. All the Tolias are staring at me. No one's eyes lack tears.
"I can't..." I whisper.
Megan reaches over and hoists me onto her lap. I lean my head against her shoulder and cry until I've run out of tears.
They say there's two responses to a threat in your life. Fight or flight.
I know one thing. I can't fight anymore.
