Fighting For You (Book 2)

What a bloody mess

I turned and left the room, I just couldn't bear to spend one more moment in that room. Noah followed right behind me, he had a pitiful look on his face which I did not care for.

"Don't give me that look, Noah, I don't want your f**king pity!"

He tried to touch me again and I lost it. My emotions were very high and I needed an outlet, so I decided that at the moment, he was it.

"Stop f**king touching me! Don't for a minute think that because you're being nice to me that I'm going to let you f**K me!"

Maybe my outburst was uncalled for and maybe that wasn't a very nice thing to say to the guy that basically been keeping me sane since seeing Killian get shot, but at the moment, I didn't really give a shit. I was hurting so I wanted to make him hurt too.

His look would have broken my heart if I wasn't acting so crazy and caught up in my own feelings. But his devastated look just made me laugh, and strangely made me feel better, so I continued with my insults uncaringly.

"What, Noah, you thought that since I was vulnerable you could take advantage of me? You thought that I would be a grateful little whore and fall right into bed with you? Is that it, is that what you thought? Well, think a f**king again!"

Deciding that he's had enough of my insults, he took two steps towards me, grabbing me by the shoulders and shaking me.

"Shut the f**k up before I say or do something that we both will regret! I've done nothing these past nine months but be at your back and call whenever you needed me, and I've asked for nothing in return. I left a job that I f**king love and transferred to this god-forsaken town so that the FBI wouldn't find out about you, and all I get for my troubles is attitude!"

He let go and took a step back, running his hand through his hair.

"Look, I understand that you lost the love of your life, and by no means do I want to replace him, but the lease you can f**king do is be nice to me once in a while. I don't know how much more of this f**kery I can take before I go completely batshit crazy myself."

I don't know what was the matter with me, but I just wanted to push him. I wanted to get him mad or angry, but for the life of me I couldn't figure out why.

"So, what are you going to do then Noah, leave? Are you going to abandon us to this hellhole and go back to the job that you f**king love so much, is that what you're going to do?! Tell me Noah, is that what you want to do?!"

"Stop putting words in my f**king mouth, I never f**king said that! I'm not leaving you, I would never leave you."

I ran into him and started pushing and banging on his chest, I was fast losing control and heading down a speeding train to the loony bin.

"Of course, you would, just like he did! He promised to never leave me too, but what the f**k did he do in the end...he left me in this world to live without him!"

I felt pain so strong that it became crippling. I had to put my hands over my heart because it felt like it wanted to rip right out of my chest. My eyes became blurred to the point that I lost my vision for a while, which cause me to fall to the floor. My entire body radiated with pain that the only thing I could do was curl up into a foetal position.

I wanted to die, I thought that I was dying. It was like my entire system decided all at once to mourn the loss of Killian. Noah called my name and tried to get me to stand, but a simple touch from him felt like I was being burnt by acid. I screamed and crawled away from him, backing as far up into the corner as I possibly could.