Moonlight Sonata

15. Fair enough

It had to be past midnight when I finally turned over in my blankets and looked out the window. Something had been keeping me awake, slowly tugging on the edge of my mind and digging its claws into my spine whenever I was right on the verge of closing my eyes. It felt strange to be in bedsheets like this and not have someone holding me, or soft snores being whispered into my ear. My fingers itched to reach for someone else's, but the only person here I would have gone to sleep with...I'm not sure I'd even have been able to sleep by his side without having nightmares, even if I'd wanted to.

The dysphoria I felt was nagging at my thoughts, corrupting the forefront of my mind with images of another girl in another time, still hoping she had some chance to live normally, with abnormal people by her side. Here we were now, running for our lives and hiding away where a massacre occurred. I shook my head and threw the blankets away from myself, laying in bed for another few moments, surrounded by the musty smell of age before getting up.

I snagged a pair of velvety leggings out of the wardrobe and pulled a dusty cardigan on, shaking it out with a few flaps of my arms. It smelled like lemon perfume and vanilla, and was a marled green and black in color. I caught sight of myself in the mirror; with my face hidden in the darkness, I looked like I could be normal again. Maybe there was some type of procedure out there to fix these marks, to turn me back to the quiet, nervous, Agnes Byrnes. I didn't feel very much like a God anymore. I didn't feel very much like anything.

My bare feet made nary a sound as I walked out of the room, the carpet soft against my skin. Everything was cast in gray and white shadows as if I were in a film noir, and the only color to stand out would've been my hair, or maybe my eyes. My guess was the eyes. The moon outside was so full, and the snow so vast, it created so much more natural light than we would've gotten anywhere else on the planet. I turned away from the window and instead walked towards the door, opening it up and peering out into the hall to see that all of the other doors were closed, and there was no noise to be heard in the whole building. It was eerie, but peaceful all the same. I closed my door behind me with a small click and walked down the stairs to the first floor.

I was surprised to find a light on in the kitchen, and when I looked inside, there was a single person at the counter, holding a cup of what smelled like tea. I could recognize Crowe from behind by his hair, and he didn't say a word as I came in and sat beside him. He just took a sip from his cup and smiled.

"Having a late night?" I asked.

"More like I can't have a decent one," he chuckled quietly, "it's been nothing but nightmares."

"I can't imagine you'd have a whole lot to have nightmares about. What's so bad about your past?"

"Does living in Hell ring any bells?"

"Oh, got me there," I snorted quietly, "what do you dream about, exactly?"

"Going back. I always have a fear of waking up and the guy who originally had this body will take it back and I'll be without a corporeal form again," he sighed, taking another drink from his tea, "I'm not oblivious, Agnes. So many bad things happen down there that I'm used to it, and the luxuries you have up here are something I take a lot of joy in. It may be a bad situation, but believe me, I've been in plenty worse."

"I'm...sorry I said that," I said, "you're just...you're so nice compared to the other people around, it's like you haven't seen anything bad, or...you just don't notice it, I guess. I envy you a little bit, that you can be so lighthearted when times are so bleak."

"What about you Agnes? What do you fear about this world, if it's such a bad one?" He asked me curiously.

"If you'd asked me that a year ago I would've said thunder," I said softly, tangling my fingers together on top of the counter, "but I'm not scared of the thunder anymore. I'm scared that the people closest to me will all die, because they're close to me." I looked back over to him and leaned into his shoulder. "You're...kind of the last thing I have left of Necro."