My poems

Tell them

When I come out to my parents

This is what I want to say

‘Mum, Dad, I’m gay. Your daughter is gay.’

I want them to accept me, to understand

That my sexuality is not an abnormality

It is not a veil of shame that should be hidden

Not a blight of misery, just what I am

But I know they won’t accept

So when they tell me that I can’t live with them

I will hold my head high and apologise

Apologise that their minds are too narrow minded to see

When they ask me whether or not this was because of a sexual attack when I was 13 years old

I will look at them with angry eyes, stating fiercely that a lone attack does not define my sexuality

And when they ask me ‘what they will tell the family’ with their eyes hard and cold

I will say

Tell them… tell them you have a daughter

Tell them she’s gay, ask them to understand and not pray

For her soul does not need saving, she is not lost

She does not need to be changed

Tell them that she sees love in a different way

That instead of liking boys, she likes girls

Tell them that she is lesbian, but then tell them

Tell them that love is not something that can be measured with words

Not on a scale of heterosexual to homosexual

But an intangible feeling of hope and happiness

Of an indefinable feeling which touches you deep inside your heart’s core

Causing you to shiver in the warm caress of love

That love is blind to gender, hate or words

Tell them that I am gay

Mother, Father, tell them that I am gay

Tell them that that is what I am

It is not who I am

Tell them that I am gay

Then tell them that this is the same girl

The same girl who curls up reading books and drinking tea

Who eats too much fruit, laughs at the most random of times and suffers from sleep depravity

The same girl who you have looked after and congratulated

Shared in my tears and my joy

And if they still do not understand

They still do not accept me

Then tell them how this is not a choice

That no person would not purposely choose to be a second class citizen

To have to put up with erasure, homophobia and sheer discrimination

To be called names, to be excluded, to be told ‘kill yourself’ on a day to day basis

Tell them that this is the same very girl

The same girl who attempted to commit suicide no less than five times

That starved herself, that cut herself, that hated who she was

That lost the meaning of life, the world being drained of colour

Because she was too afraid

Tell them that she now realises that her life is the most important thing she can have

That her mental health and happiness is more important than any poisonous abuse hurled at her

Tell them that she will not sacrifice herself or stay silent

Tell them that I am gay

That is what I want to say to them

But I know when the time comes, that fateful day

That the tears will fall when I tell them I am gay

That they’ll turn away, their hearts cold

And I, I will be able to say nothing at all

Unable to tell them… tell them…