Love Journey

16. The Truth

Instead of getting the van I call my mother, I didn't think it would be safe for me to be wondering around with my mind on him, Is he really done with me? How did I let this happen? My mind races as my mother and I sit in evening traffic,

"You okay?" she asks,

"Yea I'm fine" I smile turning up the radio, she turns in down glancing over at me,

"I know you avoided my question this but what were you doing last night?" Great mum, sensing my bad mood and making it worse,

"Uhhh" I'm pretty sure she knows what masturbating is, she can't be that old,

"If you're having urges that's completely normal for a girl your age an-"

"Pleaseeeeeeeee stop, we really don't need to have this conversation" I am a bit disgusted and ashamed for her all at once, the woman is trying to have the sex talk with me at 18. 1 8 Someone help me!

"It's okay to think about sex"

"Lalallalalalalalala" my ears feel like they are about to bleed. Does my mother not know about HFLE? Or the internet. My mother is a prude, she got pregnant with me at 23 and the thought of anyone having sex before then makes you immoral and dirty, she would probably kill me if she finds out I'm not a virgin. Trey Jordan was the first.

TJ was my "boyfriend" two years ago, I use the term boyfriend loosely since I wasn't his only girlfriend, I was 1 of 3. The night I lost my virginity he had a house party since his parents were out of the island. The party was packed, and so wild. After a while of dancing and him drinking he leads me to his bedroom, having sex hurt way more than I expected mainly because I was nervous, and it wasn't nearly as enjoyable as I thought. He fucked me to the songs which were playing it only lasted about 5 minutes before he ejaculated all over my jacket, I had to toss it and I told my mother I lost it. As I sat reminiscing, I realized I have never had an enjoyable sexual experience, TJ just shoved it in and satisfied himself and Kevin's dick was small, and not that I mind a small dick, he just didn't know how to use it. I'm pretty sure he had no idea about how a vagina worked, he just kept rubbing my lips vigorously, and then say I wasn't wet enough, well duh you just rubbed all the moisture away, I moaned when really felt like screaming "RUB THE DAMN CLIT!" but I doubt he knew what a clit was, I giggle at my own joke and my mother frowns at me.

After those two failed relationships I gave up on males, even my father, after asking my mother about him countless times, I never got a proper answer, I wanted to meet him before, but now I just think it would be pointless. We pull into the driveway and I glance over to his bedroom window, I know he isn't home but somehow I hope he'd be there,

"I just want you to know if you ever want to talk about your urges I'm here" my mother says smiling sweetly, I cringe, the woman made me feel like I would never think about sex again.

I throw my bag onto the floor and plop into bed, I need to get some rest, humiliating myself really took a lot of energy. Unfortunately Denise is calling me,

"Heyy" I answer

"Sooooooo how did it go? DETAILS!" she says happily,

"Like complete shit" I say rolling over my face into the pillow,

"Ummmm did you miss when I said details?"

"If you would shut yuh mout you would get them, as I was saying, I was freezing my ass off and he put his arm around me and rubbed my hands"

"AWWWWW y'all so cute" I roll my eyes, Wait till she hears the best part,

"Can I finish?" I grumble

"Sorry I done" she replies innocently

"Right, as I was saying I told him move his hand and he started asking me questions about me so I got into why I don't like males, almost cried and then he says he's sorry and then he says he's done like I fucked up and we haven't even started yet"

"Hmmmm you know what you did wrong right?" she asks leaving me confused, "You're holding on to too much hurt, you gotta let that shit go." She says bluntly "Like Damian and TJ horn you so what? And 3 others wasted your time but you honestly think they're home losing sleep over you babes? TJ probably in someone pussy right now, when you let that go you can see what happens between you and Troy" her words hit me hard, but only because they are true. I laugh slightly, I've been spending all my time focusing on those who hurt me and closing everyone else off, but who says if I give Troy a chance he wouldn't do the same,

"Thanks, you always know what to say" I say but I get no response "Denise???" she still doesn't answer, my bedroom door bursts open and Denise jumps on my bed smothering me,

"You're welcome!"

***

Troy Stevens

She's been hurt and clearly my presence just makes unlocks some feelings she's been hiding I think as I aimlessly play with my food. I am so stuck on her,

"Troy" my eyes lift to my mother's

"Yes?"

"Did you hear what I said?" the blank expression on my face says it all, "I said I got the job"

"Really? That's great" I say happily but my mother and my grandfather can see straight through me,

"So what happened between you and the girl?" he says

"What? Uh-Nothing" he looks at me from the head of the table, before turning to my mother,

"He really can't lie" she chuckles taking her plate to the kitchen,

"Troy baby come on you can tell us" my mother soothes, she really didn't have to try hard to get information from me, Rose made us promise that we would communicate, a promise I regret now.

"Okay, well she's just so confusing, one minute I just want her for sex and then when I try to get to know her she compares me to every other male and THEN she says she's fine like I'm blind, how can I prove to her, I'm not like the others when she wouldn't even give me a damn chance" I blurt out before dropping my fork sending rice grains across the table. I look up at them and their expressions are a bit odd,

"Son, those are the best ones" my grandfather says smiling "Come let's go for a walk got a story to tell you" he says rising from his seat slowly. I have no idea what a story is going to do to make this any better but I reluctantly follow him to the door.

Once outside Andy walks slowly taking in the neighborhood, I walk next to him longing for him to tell me this story but he didn't say a word. Even though I didn't want to go on this silly walk or hear the story, the suspense was beginning to kill me,

"Sooo" I say breaking the ice,

"Ah good I was waiting til you wanted to hear" he chuckles "So I know you barely knew or remember Angela but I'll tell you how we met, I went to this wedding with my father when I was about 18, just like you I was a good looking" he says smiling " and I really didn't want to go to any stupid wedding but I remember when we got to the church I saw this girl, she was beautiful I couldn't take my eyes off of her and she just changed my mind about that wedding, all throughout the ceremony I'm looking around trying to find this girl, I didn't find her until the reception, those big brown eyes really had me going back then" he nudges me and I laugh, "I told her I could be her boyfriend and yuh know what she said? She said no flat like that nothing more nothing less, man I thought that was some shit back then, why wouldn't she be my girlfriend?, something about she needs an education, I tried for 3 years and when I was getting tired of the rejection I wouldn't go by her house to see her anymore, I wanted to forget her but that smile just kept me up at night" I can relate, "And after all that time she came to me one day and said "I'm ready to be your girlfriend" those words will stay with me all my life just goes to show you, yuh gotta let her come to you" he pats my back and smiles, my grandparents were married for 30 years before she died, and hearing him talk about her really has thinking maybe Tiffany wasn't the one for me and maybe she is.

A/N: ⭐⭐⭐.