Love Journey

6. The Thoughts

It's her. The girl I thought I would never see again. She's literally a few feet away. I drop into my bed and look up at the white roof, I can hear my mother talking to my grandfather. This girl, seeing her twice in one day was bringing back feelings I thought I didn't have anymore. I heave a heavy sigh as my thoughts drift back home, I was a loner when I got to England, Tiffany was my only friend. My circle of friends grew a little when my chemistry teacher signed me up to help others by tutoring them. I didn't want to but Tiffany persuaded me. That year of tutoring was an enjoyable one, it brought many females into my world, and the attention took my ego to new heights until Amy happened. Amy was a voluptuous cheerleader, struggling with her sciences, and guess who was there to help. She became like a girlfriend and we would go on "Tutoring dates" that's what we called them, since we would go out and then I would tutor her after. Tiffany seemed a bit jealous and hurt, as I gabbed to her about how amazing Amy was she told me "Amy is just using you", which resulted in a huge argument and our friendship faltered. We didn't speak to each other for 3 weeks, because I told her "You wouldn't know what having someone caring about you felt like". One night after studying Amy went home with me. Things got a bit heated and got trapped in the web of her hips and legs wrapped around me waist. It was a foolish 16 year old decision. As I gave my all to her, diving waist deep into her with every stroke, I was enjoying myself until my bedroom door swung open and the shock on Tiffany's face was enough to let me know I fucked up. I ran after her half naked, but she just kept running, that pain guilt I felt reminded me I still had feelings for her even though she never outwardly said she felt the same. I broke off my unofficial relationship and fixed things with Tiffany. As I thought about Tiffany, the girl from the plane is also running rampant in my mind, I didn't know her name, but there she is living few feet away. I have no intentions of becoming attached to her, she only fills a gap in my heart, she isn't Tiffany. I didn't know her, I know nothing about her, just I couldn't keep my eyes off of her as she slept on my lap, she looked so peaceful, my mind starts to mesh both of their appearances together. I am getting confused, I need to write, Rose told me to keep writing the poems they help me, I got my note book and start,

I've met someone

Kinda like you, her sparkling eyes,

Her smile,

It's practically you,

Is she you?

Are you playing tricks on me?

I can't look at her without seeing your face,

Your face that night, the night you left me forever,

Did you come back?

Did you come back so I can tell you what's in my heart?

I miss you

I miss everything about you,

Your ability to be happy whenever you're around me,

Sadly she's not you and you're not here.

She's just here to remind me of what I can't have, I hate her,

I hate that she's not you that she's just here to remind me of what I can't have,

She can never be you,

And I never want her to be,

She's a fake,

Just a poor excuse of an imitation,

I love you okay? Is that so hard to believe?

-Troy Stevens

I finish and read it over, it is true, every word. I close the book and throw it on the desk in the corner of the room. I grab my phone and open Twitter, I check it occasionally just to read Tiffany's final tweets and to look at her pictures. She posted a picture moments before the accident we looked so happy, the last genuine smile I had. I make my way downstairs to get some food and to put the wifi password into my phone. My mother meets me in the corridor,

"Hey baby, how was the flight?"

"It was okay, where the wifi password?" I say walking towards the stairs,

"Just okay nuh?" I can hear her probing me for answers but I wasn't giving in so easy.

She points me to the wifi box in the corner of the living room, I put in the password and turn to find her right behind me with her hands on her hips,

"What?"

"Don't what me boy, you ain't even leave Manchester and you displaying your bad manners" she says shaking her head,

"What are you talkin-Oh, come on mum she was in my seat. Wait how you know?"

"Well the lady sat next to me complaining about the rude bastard who she encountered, telling me how she just hated how some people raised their kids" she says heading back to the kitchen I follow her sitting around the counter listening "then she mentioned locs, I said like locs? She said yea dreadlocks and I knew who she meant. I had to tell her there was nothing wrong with the way I raised you if she wanted to sit with her daughter she should've booked the seat" I laugh as she relays the events to me "shut her ass up" she finishes then she gives me a side eye "Soo what bout her daughter, was she pretty?" My thoughts are back to her once again,

"She was ight" I mutter trying to keep the fact that she is beautiful away from my mother,

"Troy O'Ryan Stevens, you've always been a bad liar, she was gorgeous wasn't she?" My mother ask poking me in the chest, ever seen a black man blush? Not cute couldn't hide it, my mother laughs with glee,

"I don't know her name tho" I sigh, I wish I knew more about her but I will soon since she lives so close. I will make it my business.