Love Journey

Prologue

Have you ever been in a car accident?
There you are living your life,
Smiling,
Laughing,
Enjoying the company of your loved ones
And in that instance your life is perfect
There is nowhere you'd rather be but right here
In this very moment
Driving down this highway
Until
A flash of white
And you go barreling into a wall
Broken glass.
Broken laughs.
Broken dreams.
Broken lives.
All occur in one millisecond of life
Then,
Darkness.
More lights
Faces covered in masks
Hovering
Hovering above you
Trying to pump the life back into you
But when the smoke clears
And you have questions
Where are they?
What happened to them?
I survived?
Why me?
- Troy Stevens
"Very nice Troy." my therapist Rose remarks giving me her warmest smile, Of course, it's nice. I roll my eyes throwing my gaze to the bay window situated in the corner of the room, watching streaks of rain gliding down the window pane. I've always liked the rain, it is so calming.
"Troy, you're making so much progress you know that?" she asks as her crows feet contract while she smiles, I glance at her, as she feverishly scribbles on her notepad. Rose is a sweet lady and from my little knowledge of therapist she knew what she was doing, but I am getting tired of the incessant questions of how things made me feel.
"You know Rose, you can just say I'm fine so I can stop coming." my voice fills the room, and she looks up shock written across her face, and it wasn't without reason. Week after week we spend our sessions in relative silence. I hate coming here, but every week here I am.
"I could." she nods "But you haven't recovered yet." I sigh rubbing my temples "Today's been a great breakthrough. You actually addressed the accident, Maybe-" the grandfather clock which stood proudly in the corner of her office chimes alerting us that time was up,
"Well, I guess that's, that." I utter as I stand, shoving my hands into the warmth of my pockets, "See you around, Doc." Rose scowls at me as I grab the knob and push the door open, leaving her scribbling a few more notes. I step into the waiting room to find my mother with a magazine in one hand and her Tupperware in the other.
My mother Stacey Stevens, face expresses the burden she's given. Being a widow at thirty-five aged her immensely, and having to deal with my constant annoyance towards everything didn't help either, she looks up smiling as my shadow alerting her to my presence,
"Hey baby." she stands to greet me, as if I were gone for hours, giving me a warming hug,
"Ms. Stevens, nice to see you again, can I have a word." Dr. King asks, my mother turns to me giving me her perfected glare before answering, "Sure, but just a minute"
Opening the door to the outside was like a breath of fresh air, the rain drizzled as I exit her Blackpool office, watching the September pass over, as I walk towards the car park. My thoughts drift back to one of the best days of my life when Tiff had run to my door, drenched, to wish me a happy birthday. I breath deeply forcing the painful memory away. I look up at Rose's office sign, no matter how hard I try to convince myself I needed the therapy. The tears are very close but I fight them like I did every day when someone asks how I was doing, I lie, I was not fine.
Mum joins me and I outstretch my hand for the keys, she walks past me going towards the driver's seat, she climbs in and starts the car.
"I'm quite capable of driving ya know" I mutter from the passenger's seat, she didn't even answer. I glance over at her from the passenger seat she too looks dazed. I mentally go over my session with Rose, what could she have possibly said to Mum to take away her joy further.
We got to the office, she heads inside without her usual "I love you" now I knew I was in for it. I drive home quietly instead of going to school like I am supposed to, missing one class wouldn't hurt. I enter the house and crash, today had taken a toll on me.
I wake up to find our house in complete darkness and look at the clock on my nightstand through hazy eyes, 7 pm it reads, Where is she? She should be home by now. I make my way through the darkness blindly, the sounds of murmuring alerts me that I wasn't alone.
My mother is home, in the living room flipping through her wedding album. In the darkness, I knew that's what it is, it lies proudly on the center table. We would look through it every weekend with him reminiscing, but since his death, it remains closed, as our hearts do.
"Jason I wish you were here. You always got through to him." she says to the picture of him decked in his suit and tie, waiting for her to walk up the aisle.
"It's time we made a change hun" she chuckles out as she wipes a tear from on my father's smile, the display jerks a few tears of my own but I wipe them before I speak up.
"Mum?" making my presence known she looks up at me, happiness fills her face, "What's wrong?"
"Come here baby" she offers her hand to me making me sit next to her on the floor, "My talk with Rose today was wonderful" she sniffles smiling, her eyes are red. She must have been crying a while,
"What did she say?" I ask cautiously,
"Rose is very happy with your progress." she says, "We both think that being here, is stifling what your progress could be" I wasn't following,
"What does that mean?" I ask reluctantly, bracing myself for the worse and she chuckles at my expression,
"I mean we're leaving." I pull back from her in surprise staring at her wide-eyed.
"What do you mean leaving?" my ask my body tense and my throat tightens,
"There's nothing left here for us. Nothing but pain. I'm tired of being in pain, he wouldn't want this for us." my heart pounds in my chest, drowning her words, I only see her lips moving, "We need somewhere new, somewhere where we aren't just Troy and Eleanor Stevens son and wife of the late-"
"No!" I manage to say, shaking my head, "We can't leave! What about Dad? What about Tiff?"
"Baby they'll always be with us." Mum says, reaching out for my hand. I pull away standing towering above her "Troy, please this is for us to get better" I hands begin to tremble, I look at them then back to her, "Troy, calm down."
"How could you do this? To me? To them!" I shout startling her" How can you abandon Dad, he's here! Tiffany's here!"
"No Troy, they aren't." she says quietly, crushing me on the inside, "Your father is gone, Tiffany is gone, we can't stay here anymore" tears glide down my face, and my body is burning up as my anger consumes me,
"You're such a selfish bitch." I say in a deep sinister tone, "I wish you had died instead of Dad!" I shout and in milliseconds a ringing sound of my mother slapping me against my cheek fills the room, causing my breathing to settle as I look at her in shock,
"Don't you dare speak to me like that!" Mum says, her voice raging with anger "Your father was the love of my life. Every time I step into this house all I see is him." she pauses "There isn't a day I wish I could see him one more time to tell him I lov-" her voice cracks, I hang my head losing eye contact with her. In my mourning I forgot she is going through the same pain I am. Hers is greater she lost her soulmate, she grabs my chin and looks me dead in "You wish it was me instead of him? Well, guess what, I do too. " with that she pushes past me, grabbing the keys I left on the kitchen counter, slamming the front door behind her. I stand in the center of the room shaken by my guilt and fear.