Chapter 8

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I woke up to my door being knocked on. I checked the time and saw that it was 10:30. I usually wake up around 1 so this was pretty early. The person was still knocking on my door. Who could be knocking on my door like this? I opened up the door, preparing myself to yell at someone, when I realized it was Otto.
"Otto, what are you doing here?"
"Umm, well, I was thinking we could have breakfast together. I found this very low calorie recipe, and thought we could make it and you know, eat it."
"You didn't have to do that. And I'm not that.."
"Yes I did , and you are hungry. Now let's go and make this together."
He walked inside and sat all of the ingredients on the table. This must be his way of getting me to eat. This isn't going to work.. he can't drive back and forward from his place to mine for every meal. That would be tiring, and he has things to do.
"Okay, where's your pots and pans?"
"On the bottom left cabinet."
He got everything that he needed and turned on the stove. He pulled out some eggs, toast, and lost of fruits.
"Gosh Otto. Are we cooking for my whole entire apartment complex?"
"No, we are cooking for me, you, Geoff and Awsten. They are coming over too. They're just getting up now. They will be over here in about ten minutes. I hope that's okay."
"Yeah, that's fine."
I just sat on my counter and watch Otto do all the work.
"Hey, I thought I said that WE were making breakfast, not just me." He said while carrying me of the counter bridal style. I couldn't help but laugh.
"Okay, so what am i suppose to do?"
"Chop up these berries and then put them into a blender. You do have a blender right?"
"Yeah, I do."
I went into the cabinet that was above my stove and got a blender. I washed it out and then got to cutting the berries. Otto handed me the phone so I could see what all I had to put in the blender. I was looking at all of the ingredients, and then I saw the calories. One cup is 167 calories. I froze a little looking at that. I wonder how much the food is? Why am I even doing this? I don't have to eat. Remember emptiness is pure, starvation is the cure.
"Hey, are you okay over there?"
"Um yeah, I'm fine."
I got back to cutting the berries and putting the rest of the ingredients in the blender. Then the voices in my head got to me.
What are you doing? Why are you making this food? Don't listen to this Otto guy, he's just trying to make you fat, and ugly. Remember emptiness is pure, starvation is the cure. EMPTINESS IS PURE STARVATION IS THE CURE.
I stopped what I was doing and just stared at the wall. Otto is just trying to make me fat. He doesn't love me, he just wants to make me fat and disgusting, and then he'll leave me. I then felt a pair of arms wrap around my waist.
"Everything will be okay, I promise. Stop letting your inner demons win. You're stronger than this."He then planted a gentle kiss on my shoulder.
I continued what I was doing and finished the milkshake. Otto was then done with the food. He made what seems like an egg omelette with toast. I then heard another knock on the door. I went to pen it, and there was Awsten and Geoff.
"Good morning guys." Geoff said.
"Wow, this food smells really good. I'm really hungry. Can we eat now." Awsten complained.
"Yeah c'mon in." I said.
They all sat down and Otto served their food. He gave me my plate, and I hesitated to take it. He then gave me that warm smile of his, and I took the plate. We started eating in silence, but then Awsten started talking.
"This food and milkshake is amazing. You guys did great on this. You also have a lovely little apartment."
"Oh, thanks." I said.
Everyone was half way done with there food, while I still had a lot on my plate. Otto looked at me and gave me a sad look as to tell me to eat. I picked up my fork and started eating. Awsten was right, this was actually really good. I continued eating until I was finished with that and my milkshake.
"See, wasn't that good." Otto said while taking my plate.
I smiled and nodded my head. All of a sudden a big rush of regret washed over me. Why did I eat that? I could feel myself gaining weight right now.no one was paying attention to me, so I quickly left the living room and went into the bathroom. I don't have to shove my fingers down my throats this time, the food just came back up by itself. I threw up everything that I ate. I flushed the toilet after I was done, and brushed my teeth. I heard a knock on the bathroom door.
"Who is it?"
"It's Otto. Are you okay?"
"Yeah I am."
It was quiet for a moment. I walked out and went into my room to change. I kind of smelled liked vomit. I walked in to see Otto sitting on my bed.
"What the fuck Otto, you scared me. And why are you in my room? Why are you even in my house? Why did I let you in?"
"Why did you just force yourself to throw up?" He asked walking close to me.
I couldn't take it anymore, I just started crying. He went to hug me and I pushed him away.
"What was that for Jessi? I'm just trying to help."
"No you aren't, you're just trying to make me ugly and fat. You don't care about me, you hate me."
"That's complete bullshit. I'm trying to help you jess. Your going to end up dying if you don't eat. I'm not making you fat or ugly, you're beautiful no matter what. I'm just trying to help."
"If I'm beautiful no matter what, why are you trying to fix me. Haven't you heard the saying don't fix it if it's not broken. I'm not broken Otto. I don't need he.." the room started spinning uncomfortably. The room soon went dark and I fell to the ground.

*
I woke up in a hospital bed, with IV's in my arm. How did I get here? What happened? A nurse soon walked into the room.
"Oh look, you're up." How do you feel darling? Do you have a headache? Do you need water?"
"Water would be fine."
The nurse walked out and quickly returned with water.
"Um, what happened to me? Why am I in here?"
"Well, apparently you passed out from malnutrition. You are extremely under weight, and your vitamin levels are very low. These three nice gentlemen brought you here."
"Can I see them, I really need to talk to them."
"I'm sorry, but we can't let anyone back right now. The doctors still need to run some more test on you. You'll be able to see them in about an hour."
A doctor walked in soon after she walked out. He drew some blood and then walked out again. After about 20 minutes, a doctor walked in.
" hi miss Jessica, I'm dr. Rodney. I have som good news and bad news. Which one do you want to hear first?"
"I guess the bad news, just to get it over with."
"Okay. The bad news is that you have anorexia nervosa, you are bulimic, and you have obsessive compulsive disorder. Your vitamin levels were really low to the point that we are surprised you are alive. You also are very dehydrated, and your stomach acid is starting to erode your teeth. We are also transferring you to a mental hospital because of everything. You will probably be there for about a week or 2. It depends on how long you take to recover. The good news is that we can all fix that and help you recover. We have assigned you a therapist and a nutrition specialist. They will help you get back on track and become a healthy weight."
This was a lot to handle. I couldn't really handle this at all.
"Can I please see my friends that brought me here. I really need to see them now."
I started to panic really bad.
"Yes ma'am , we will send them back."
They were all back here in about 5 minutes. Otto looked like he has been crying. Geoff and Awsten had very worried looks. It was really quota first. Everyone was just staring at the floor. Otto then spoke up
"So, your going to be gone for 5 days. We won't be able to visit you when you're there, so this will be the last time we see you until then." His voice was really shaky like he was about to cry.
"Why did you bring me here? Why couldn't you just left me on the ground to die?"
"I would never do that Jessica. You need help. You heard the doctors, they are surprised you're still alive. You really need help. Please." Tears started rolling down ottos eyes. I never seen him cry, I never thought he would cry over me.
"Pleas, just go through the recovery and get better. Get better for me, get better for us. Pleaseee I love you jess, I hate seeing you this way.
There's that word again. Love. I'm starting to feel the same way towards Otto. I hate seeing him hurt. I hate knowing that I'm making him sad. I'll get better for him, even though I don't want to.
"Okay, I'll try. And I love you too."
Otto walked over to me and hugged me. I felt his tears drop onto my shoulder. I breaks my heart seeing him like this. At least I know that he truly cares about me. He got up and placed a kiss on my forehead, and then wiped his tears away from his face.
"Sorry to interrupt, but it's time for you guys to go." A nurse said.
Awsten and Geoff walked over and gave me a hug. They walked out of the room Otto being the last one.
"I'll see you latter. I hate saying goodbye, cause then it seems like I won't see you ever again. I would hate for that to happen." Otto said with a little laugh.
"I'll see you latter too."
He then walked out of thee room. I just watched my love walk out of the room. Tears starting rushing down my face.
I have to get better. At first, I didn't want to. I would rather die than go through recovery, but seeing how hurt Otto is makes me even more sad. I have to get better just for him.

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