the pilot and the captain- bassian/sniperpilot

14

"cassian, cassian please!" bodhi said, latching onto the captain's arm. he turned around, angry.

"bodhi, you can't expect me to let these things go! i mean look at you!" cassian exclaimed, gesturing to bodhi's beaten face. "this behavior is intolerable! these were rebel hands, you said so yourself!"

bodhi sighed, letting go of cassian's arm and tipping his head back, closing his eyes. cassian stood in the middle of the medbay room, and, in bodhi's opinion, overreacting about this whole situation.

"cass," he said quietly. "i've already been the largest inconvenience the alliance has ever seen, don't make this bigger than it is."

"i'm not! i'm simply saying that this needs to addressed because these pilots are bullying you, why can't you see that?" cassian said, further raising his voice.

"because you don't know what it's like!" bodhi said.

"what are you talking about?"

"you don't know what it's like to hate yourself!"

silence.

"you don't know what it's like to live a lie for twenty five years and finally be brought to redemption only to be told by a rebel that all you'll ever be is... is a defect! a dispensable tool to the rebellion!" bodhi yelled as cassian stood in the middle of the room, frozen. "all i am is a kriffing failure! i disappointed my family, i disappointed the rebellion, and i disappointed you!"

cassian furrowed his brows as bodhi stared at him, breathing heavey, face hot. "bodhi, listen-"

"no." he interrupted, voice cracking as tears came to his eyes. using all his strength, he lifted himself off the bed and into his wheelchair. "i'm done listening." with that, he wheeled himself out of the room.

"bodhi-" cassian said, cutting himself off as the pilot was out of sight. "kriff." he muttered.

-------------------

it wasn't usual that bodhi exploded.

forced by the empire, he controlled his emotions like a remote; muting them when he needed to, or putting them on pause completely.

it was only a matter of time before they built up after so many days, months, years on pause.

sure, he let them escape sometimes, but only when he was around cassian, and they were almost always positive; laughing at his dumb jokes and smiling whenever cassian complemented him.

bodhi would cry in front of cassian too; nightmares or physical pain would usually trigger a few tears, but he knew cassian didn't mind.

never anger, though. bodhi never let cassian see his angry side. bodhi was terrified of scaring cassian, or worse, hurting him.

but, again, it was only a matter of time before they overflowed out of his mouth and onto cassian.

he never meant for it to happen, but cassian was saying things that didn't make sense. bodhi wasn't worth fighting for. there was nothing about bodhi that made him special. cassian just kept talking about how action needed to be taken, how bodhi was being bullied. bodhi disagreed.

so, bodhi exploded.

he shouldn't have done it. he shouldn't have hurt cassian like he did. he shouldn't have said his mind because it ends up hurting later. it ends up hurting cassian.

cassian, cassian, cassian. where was cassian anyways?

bodhi furrowed his brows. he spun his wheelchair around and started down the narrow hallway connected to the hangar where he sat.

he arrived at room 3009 and swiped the keypad on the door handle with his thumb. a satisfying beep signaled that the door was unlocked. he pushed the door open with the footrest on his chair an entered the small apartment.

cassian sat at the kitchen table, eating freeze dried cereal. he turned as bodhi entered the room, watching him struggle to close the door. he stood up from the table and walked over to shut the door behind the pilot. cassian took a hold of his chair and wheeled him to the bed, and lifted the pilot bridal style out of the chair and onto the bed.

"i can do that myself, cassian. you don't have to do that for me." bodhi said as the captain sat down on the edge of his bed.

"i know, bodhi." he said quietly. "i want to."

bodhi sighed. "i'm sorry, cass. i had no right to say those things to you."

cassian looked at bodhi, confused. "bodhi, you did nothing wrong. you didn't say anything to hurt me. the only reason i'm upset is because i'm worried, bodhi, for you." he said, touching his shin. "i stayed here all day because i wanted to give you space, not because i was angry." cassian moved across the bed and sat next to bodhi, taking his hand.

bodhi sighed as cassian played with his hand. "i'm sorry i'm so difficult."

cassian shook his head. "bodhi, you're not difficult. you're not worthless, you're not disposable, you're not anything but yourself." he said, kissing the back of bodhi's hand. he smiled and blushed, resting his head on cassian's shoulder. "te amo, bodhi."

"yo también, cassian. i mean it."