Conversations With My Love (boyxboy)

34. Pierre's Letter.

It was a boy but I could not see his face completely as he was hiding behind one of the shelves of the library. It got me curious. I wanted to go to him but when I closed my book and stood up, he quickly went away. Though, I followed him and I took a glimpse of his face before he disappeared out of the library and I instantly knew who it was.

It was you. 

You don't know how to hide by the way.

I couldn't believe it at that moment. You were looking at me, I was sure of it and somehow it made me happy. Days passed and I realized that you observe me a lot. Each time we were in the same hallways, you would glance at me, during lunch time, your eyes always seemed to come on me and yeah, since the very start, I knew that you always came in the library just to look at me.

Of course, at that time, I did not think that you had any romantic feelings for me. The little thirteen years old Pierre that I was, thought that you wanted to become friend with me but that you were too hesitant and shy to come and talk to me.

To tell the truth, I wanted to come to you but I did not know how to do that. I thought a lot more about you then. You were basically always on my mind. Each Sunday, I would ask myself why you did not come to church like anyone else. The insults about you did not cease and even though, I tried to say something to stop it, I would always be reminded that you are gay.

I still couldn't understand what was wrong with it. You must have already guessed it but being the priest's son, my dad has warned me a lot about what was considered wrong by the bible. Homosexuals formed part of the various things my dad told me about. I could feel the power of his hate through his words and as a kid, it confused me, as I grew up, it was still a mess in my head.

Homosexuals will go to hell.

Homosexuals are disgusting.

Homosexuality is a sin.

It's abnormal for two men to love each other. 

Homosexuals are the ones who spread AIDS around. 

And homosexuals this and homosexuals that. I don't know how many times I was told the same thing over and over again. Those words got stuck in my head. It was like everyone wanted to make me feel disgusted by people who dare to fall in love with the same sex. I did find it weird, I still do, but the hate and the disgust shouldn't be present.

I wanted to make my own theories about you. My parents taught me to not judge anyone but they did not even realize that they were judging you without knowing who you really are inside. According to me, you were so fascinating. I wanted to get to know you. 

I wanted to know the real Declan White.

I wanted to give you a chance to prove yourself. I was determined to come and talk to you but things did not turn out as I planned. I don't know if it is bad or good but before I make a serious decision, I like to talk about it with my parents and I talked about my idea of befriending you with them.

As soon as your name left my mouth, the air around became dark and tense suddenly. I did not mind it and continued to talk but my dad got so angry. He started shouting just because I said that I wanted to become your friend. That night was the first time that I really defended you.